[Tumnus]

I know this is a hard month for a lot of us here. It's dark (on the northern hemisphere, anyway), there are holiday stressors and old triggers, and sometimes things just get messed up. I guess I just wanted to say I'm one those struggling right now. Ironically, it was my anniversary that brought me back here, hoping for support. It's hard to have a wedding anniversary that neither person feels like celebrating. I've done better than last year. At least I decorated for Christmas, in a minimal sort of way. Still, the lights on the tree started looking yellow instead of white last night, and the candle I'd lit went out on its own, the wick drowning in wax. A friend could it make it over due to weather. I'm getting over being sick. I didn't have any energy to fight against the waves of sadness that washed over me. Now my husband doesn't want to go to a friend's house we were planning on going to instead of celebrating our anniversary. So now I'm going without him, wondering just how mad he is at me (we fought the other day and he's still fuming underneath the surface, though he's trying to hide it).

I was doing soooo well this season up to this point. It's so frustrating to be taking a turn for the worse.

Yes, winter generally is more difficult for me as well. Sometimes I ask my doc to bump up my meds, which seems to help. Walking or other exercise is helpful.

Good luck.

[turquoisesea]

(((((Tumnus))))))

December is being difficult for me too. The weather is tough to deal with, especially the lack of sun.

Its good to see you post again. I have missed you =)
I'm sorry about your marriage. I wish there were magic words to fix it. Head up, things can always get better.

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Walking or other exercise is helpful.

Good luck.

Yeah, I'm going to try doing some light exercise tomorrow. I've been sick for a little while now and too tired to do much of anything. I'm sure that doesn't help.

[BeautifullyMistaken]

I don't like the weather either. It seems I'm more depressed during the Winter. I assume it's because I don't really the house much. I've always hated every holiday, especially Christmas. But I'm trying not too..So for the first time I have my own tree with ornaments I made.

Anyways---I hope that you enjoyed your evening out. Hope your sickness is getting better. I've had a horrible cold for about 2 weeks now and finally starting to feel better as well. Try to enjoy yourself, even though its difficult. *hugs*

[*freak*]

December = holydays =

When I was a kid I LOVED this time of the year. Now it's hell. And remembering those happier times makes it even harder...

Hang in there

[lonegael]

(((((((((everyone)))))))))) Just remember, soon over. Until then, my best wished free of demands for all of you! Huggs.

[embracinglife]

Take it easy, do some things that you and your husband love to do together over this holiday break. There doesn't need to be any of that unnecessary pressure to please others. Focus on taking care of yourself, your relationship with your husband, and then let everything else fall into place. Thinking of you through this difficult time.

[SWA 1971]

[jrae]

I agree with *Freak*, remembering the good times makes it a million times harder. what i'm doing now is just trying to keep my focus off the hell i'm in, not so easy to do. i have about four tv series that i follow, do research on the computer, listen to music, and have pets. i've even started chatting with random people from all over the usa. i find for an hour or two, i can actually be myself, so ***** and no depression, and i love it. makes me feel sad afterwards, but that's part of my day when i get others help me out: compliment me, make me smile and laugh, and just talk about things i love. if you need to chat, just hit me up. i've got email and msn... take care and good luck

[shezbut]

((((Tumnus))))

The holidays are very difficult for me too. They have been for many years. For me, Thanksgiving went better this year (than it has for a LONG time) by admitting "yeah, holidays suck ~ but I'll just do the best I can" before the day even began.

I had decided that making it through the holidays without intense stress was worth going to my family party. I went for a few hours, and kept my presence very light. Then I went home, and I felt okay. My point is, don't push yourself hard to "do the right thing". I recommend that you do what you honestly feel that you can do, without causing more intense stress. If that means staying home alone; with your hubby in a hotel; at your friend's house; or at a movie theater; then that is what would be best for you.

Your husband plays a larger role in your life emotionally, than your friends, so I'd recommend trying hard to understand his perspective. Perhaps he feels really alone and just wants to be with you again, to reconnect?? You may both be fighting to feel "normal" again and need that intimacy and honesty to regain individual and couple strength.

Just my opinion. Very best wishes to you!

[lynn P.]

I honestly think the majority of people, actually hate December/holidays and the only ones who like it are children. It has turned into a commmercial nightmare of pressure to have the most gifts and the perfect gathering with perfect decorations. I sound like Scrooge don't I?

I think the best way to cope is to keep thing things simple and lower the impossible expectations that most of us try to live up to. Pomegranate has a great post in the depression forum with a news article, talking about this very idea. Cast away all picture perfect expectations and go easy on yourself. Keep everything as simple as possible.

I'm sure most of you know about SAD - seasonal affective disorder where people become more depressed because they're sensitive to the depravation of natural light. The treatment plan is to sit by a simulated light which mimics natural sunlight. I'm just going to go easy on myself and I hope everyone else does.

[Tumnus]

Lynn, I don't think you sound like Scrooge. You sound like you believe in holidays without commercialization, and that's a good thing.

I'm having what I call a "minimalist Christmas". I've got a tree up but it took me about three days just to get two strands of lights and one small box of Christmas ball ornaments on it. I have some lights up around a window that I did on a whole other day and that's it. Four days for a tree and some lights, and now I'm done. I'm proud of myself for even having a tree this year. That's a huge step up from last year.

I also have a light box I sit by in the morning. It helps some, but even with it December and January are just too dark for me.

Originally Posted by lynn P.

I honestly think the majority of people, actually hate December/holidays and the only ones who like it are children. It has turned into a commmercial nightmare of pressure to have the most gifts and the perfect gathering with perfect decorations. I sound like Scrooge don't I?

I think the best way to cope is to keep thing things simple and lower the impossible expectations that most of us try to live up to. Pomegranate has a great post in the depression forum with a news article, talking about this very idea. Cast away all picture perfect expectations and go easy on yourself. Keep everything as simple as possible.

I'm sure most of you know about SAD - seasonal affective disorder where people become more depressed because they're sensitive to the depravation of natural light. The treatment plan is to sit by a simulated light which mimics natural sunlight. I'm just going to go easy on myself and I hope everyone else does.

[lonegael]

We just concentrate on getting the kids a few things, one thing they really have asked for and a few smaller, craft oriented tyes of things, clothes, book, that they would need for the next year. It has always been this way, so the expectations are pretty laid back. (we went through many years of having to pinch pennys). We bake lots of cookies together. We invite over lonely acquaintance from church. We try to enjoy each other.
With an autistic son, we can't go over the top or he can't take the stimulus. He loves the holiday, but too much razzle dazzle and he doesn't feel too good.

I agree with LynnP. about the commercialization. I feel physically sick being out and shopping this time of the year. When I get home I am exhaustd and depressed just from all the over stimulation. I love the way the streets are decorated, love the feel of snow in the air and all that, love window shopping, but the intense stress and push and general unpleasantlness from people is just too much. Huggs all. Just my ten cents.

[ChipmunkGal]

I agree. Winter is tough. Especially December. Hang in there <<<hug>>>

[AuburnSunshine]

I hate December as well. Anniversary of my parents' suicide; time when my husband walked out on me because of my deep depression; my birthday; my daughter's birthday...and then whoopee! Christmas!

I have asked numerous doctors to put me asleep on Nov. 30 and wake me up on Jan. 2 but they simply laugh and say that's a good joke. So why am I not laughing?

Right now I'm dealing with my daughter who is SO mean. She hit me with her car a few months ago and I finally called the police. I thought they would charge her with a misdemeanor but the state has upped it to a felony charge. I was with her Sunday (as she was screaming such horribly mean things at me in the middle of Walmart!) and when she started hitting me while she was driving I told her to stop...didn't she realize how much trouble she's in?

She said she had never been arrested for the incident...it was MY mental illness making the story up...and besides, I jumped in front of her car trying to kill myself. And, oh yeah, that IF she is arrested for it she will kill me.

I think a lot of people do screwy things this time of the year. I'm not sure where/when it all started sliding down the slope so quickly but December seems to be difficult for more and more people each year.

Hang in there...you truly do have friends here who care about you!

~ Melanie

[jrae]

how did your 'december' go? what happened??

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by jrae

how did your 'december' go? what happened??

It got a little better after that post for a little while and it was cool to see my family for Christmas, but then I was plagued by horrible nightmares and some really low lows. I normally like coming home after being on vacation, but this time it was depressing.

Thanks for asking. Sorry I don't have a fun answer.

[lonegael]

Well, Tumnus, you made it out the other side, and you know now you can do it even when it goes "wrong": too bad, though. Really. Its getting lighter, though. The darktimes are slowy ending. Huggs