[embracinglife]

I guess I'm feeling somewhat down again. But I dunno, maybe not so down so much as I feel numb, emotionless. I've been too busy the past few weeks to really check in with my emotions and see how I was doing. There were too many things I just needed to take care of. Which is a good thing, I think, the busy-ness. It is a good sign at least that I have been able to handle everything on my own for the most part.

I'm also feeling a bit confused. I feel sad when I realize how incredibly lonely I am. Me, a college student, with basically zero real friends. I mean, maybe a few that are kinda there, sometimes, but really, I feel so alone most of the time. I keep myself busy with other things that's for sure, but I wonder what else to do about it. It's not like you can really force other people to be friends with you. Maybe I'm still just coming out of my own shell. Maybe I wanted to be alone, maybe I felt safer that way, for some reason. Maybe I was too afraid of being hurt by people, that it just seemed easier to isolate myself. Maybe I really am the cause of my own problems. I don't know. I just don't know.

Hopefully I can make it through this semester, my last semester of undergrad. I'm pretty proud of myself, for coming so far. But I'm still not done yet. I am somewhat challenging myself this semester that is for sure. A lot of the classes I am taking are one's that are all somewhat unfamiliar to me, plus my internship at a really interesting place, plus I'm teaching more yoga classes again. It's good, it means I'm going to grow...but it's just hard, and I'm afraid of messing up, afraid of falling short of my expectations, even if I expect nothing but the best. Oh well, enough of my ranting and raving, I don't know if it is even going to get me anywhere. I havn't written on here in a while and I wonder if anyone is actually going to read this post. I wonder where I can find the help that I need. I'm going back to my counselor next week, it seems like it's been awhile since I've been in to see anyone. I'm supposed to get some Reiki done next week also, and I'm hoping that helps somewhat with these headaches I've been having. The headaches are the worst part, and I really hope that sometime soon, that issue can get itself resolved. I'm just trying to have faith.

[Tamale]

graceiemi, I really relate to what you're talking about! I just finished my last semester of undergrad, and let me tell you it was pretty much a hell of busyness.
But your busyness seems kind of good, like you said. I'm glad you're seeing a counselor. I was also seeing one and I think it helped some. Unfortunately, now that I'm no longer a student I don't have a counselor anymore
You sound like me--being so afraid of messing up or falling short of your expectations. Sometimes our expectations can get in the way of our own happiness, if we push ourselves too hard.Try to give yourself breaks when you need them and stick with the physical activity. It sounds like you're the kind of person who is definitely going to succeed!
What is Reiki and how does it work? I had terrible stress headaches all last semester but they are better now. (for now)
Please keep us posted on how things are going, and remember, a lot of people may read posts and gain encouragement without writing anything. I've done the same thing myself tonight and yours is the first i've commented on.((((graciemi))))

Good luck, graciemi. Your determination and perseverance are exemplary. I hope the counselor is able to help you. Yes, getting rid of the headaches would be so helpful. Are they stress headaches?

Good luck.

[trevorzero]

My experience is that most people want a friend who will make them feel better about themselves. To initiate a friendship with someone often starts out as a one-way street. You do everything for them and they don't do much for you. However, eventually, once they realize how much they enjoy having you around, then they'll start to take a greater interest in you and your situation. So it's a long road to go down and you have to decide if it is worth the trouble or not.

[Pomegranate]

I dunno. Saying you expect "nothing but the best" from yourself sounds like you are setting the bar way to high. None of us is at our best all the time, every single minute of every single day. I mean I know that kind of thinking works for the rare individual, but for most of us it's just not realistic.

Also you seem to be so busy with school and yoga and what not, it sounds like it would be difficult for you to make time for deep intimate friendships. Maybe having a few friends that "are kinda there" is all you can manage right now. The deep true intimate relationship(s) - if you are lucky enough to find them at all - may have to wait until you have more free time and when you are able to first take care of your depression to the full extent that you need to.

Try to stay in and enjoy the moment, and take things one hour or one day at a time. Your life will be less overwhelming and lonely. You can be your own best friend.

[embracinglife]

Reiki is energy healing. I don't know exactly how it works but I've had a few friends do it to me that know how and it makes you feel pretty good. I've never had a full session before though so we'll see how it goes. I've also heard that Cranio-sacral massage is really good for headaches, which I might look into next if they are still giving me problems.

[embracinglife]

I don't know if they are stress headaches or not. I kind of think they are because when I'm working out I don't feel them, and when I'm more stressed out they are worse. But sometimes I wake up and have a headache already in the morning, so I'm not totally sure what's causing them.

[lonegael]

Sometimes, when i feel a head ache coming on, it helps if I consciously relax my jaw and shoulder muscles. If I can imagine I am holding a quail egg on my togue and keep my jaw relaxed, I can sometimes head off a full class headache. Good luck on that and I really hope that things clear up and you get some sunshine. HUGGGS