Bullied

I have been so depressed, but I have been doing a lot of right things. The main thing missing is that my anti-depressant isn’t at therapeutic dosage.
After I exercise in the early morning, I do chores (cleaning) and then I am back in bed. In the afternoons I sleep about 4 hours and about 8 hours at night, mostly with nightmares and wake ups.
I’ve been living this way for months.
I know that is not a productive way to live. I know I contribute nothing to society. Partly due to my bipolar and partly due to my OCD. But I am trying to work on both. I go to T twice a week. I go to A support group for mood disorders twice a week and one for OCD twice a month. I have finally found an OCD therapist who takes Medicare. I start seeing her on January 26.
I was in group last Thursday and during the break, some guy asked me where I worked. I said, “I am on disability.” He said, “So you don’t work?” I simply said, “No”. He said, “You mean you don’t work, AT ALL?” I was too depressed and weary to defend myself, so again I just said, “no”. Then he asked for the fourth time, “You mean you don’t have a job?” “No, I am on disability”.
The truth is that as soon as the OCD gets to a manageable point, I intend on getting a volunteer job. The truth is, I’ve tried paid work in the past and have had bad experiences, because of my illnesses. I’ve had to quit. I’ve been fired. Because of my bipolar my job performance varies. I am an incredible and productive employee when manic although inappropriate socially with co-workers, and substandard when depressed. Both get me into trouble. And the OCD is a big problem too. I wear gloves all the time and lie about why. I say I have skin allergies, but I still feel like they know the real reason and so I am uncomfortable around them. There’s more to the OCD, but I won’t bore you with it.
Anyway, it really hurt my feelings and made me feel so bad about myself when this man said this to me. I wish I could have said all of the above to him. But I have a feeling he still would not understand.
I feel guilty about being on disability. And when people judge it harshly and call people—on the dole, lazy, cheaters…it really triggers me. My dad does it too.
It makes me wonder if there are others in the group who feel and think like he does?
It makes me wonder if there are people who work on PC that feel this way.

((Berries)) - I'm really sorry this happened. I really dislike bullies or people that put others in awkward positions despite seeing they're uncomfortable. What is he in the group for? My first reaction is anger and i would like to have said the 2nd time he asked " are you hard of hearing bud??"

I just want you to know Berries that I think it's fine that you or anyone else is on disability. Thank God there is such a thing otherwise MI people might not have money to have a roof over their head and food on the table. I don't think you're lazy or a cheater.

I once was having dinner at an aquantance of my husbands. It was a husband and wife and their 5 kids. Well the oldest daughter was in university at the time, very determined type. So she starts bragging and then she asked me if I work and I'm sure she knew I didn't. I said "no I'm a stay at home mother". Then she began to say " how do you stand it, staying home ALL day doing nothing" and proceded to preach about how if she gets married and has kids, she'll continue to work. I turned many shades of red and didn't want to confront her, since I didn't feel it was proper etiquette being, this was her parents house and we're eating there. I did make it known another day to her, that I didn't like the way she made me squirm and I was proud of staying home for my girls and it was also a choice and privelege.

Please don't let this discourage you from going to that group. If he gets out of line again, tell him that you don't want him to talk you . What an idiot.

That jerk of a bully was being purposefully hurtful to you, it would appear. People like that don't deserve a moment of your attention. Just give people like that a contemptuous look and then just walk away. Leave them sputtering.

Wow, I'm a bit suprised that nobody in the group spoke up to say that his comment was not approproate. Liveing with a disability is a job, a very very hard one at that.

(((((((((((( Berries )))))))))))))

Hi, Berries!
Me too.
As does mine, despite the fact he passed away years ago. I'm just not going to be able to live a fully productive life as he would have it.
Don't know. I wonder if it would be a good subject to bring up to the group moderator?
Don't know that either. If on that score you're an object of contempt, so am I.

Guilty for not being productive? You are withstanding a huge deal of PAIN daily. All those functioning, productive people should thank their gods they are sane enough to produce, and not busy tolerating the pain. No one would suffer the way you do for just being lazy. I am a LAZY man but I would gladly break stones rather than have a depressive episode.

(((((((Berries))))))))

Some people CAN'T understand except through direct experience with something. This guy doesn't know you, he doesn't know what you go through. Another thing to consider is that for some people work KEEPS them up, and some people might assume (due to ignorance) that if you don't have a job you become homeless, kind of disappear. Because to people who haven't had to face that they DON'T see it. They look right past the people on the streets, and they dont have to talk to people on disability!

I'm glad you realize that this person was ignorant, in one way or the other. He just can't understand.

I'm sorry this happens.

I think stefano is right. You are going through a lot. I was REALLY impressed when I heard you were going to therapy 2x a week (sometimes it's hard for me to even get the one scheduled) as well as discussion groups. It takes a lot of nerve and energy to go to these things. good for you =)

hang in there berries, I wish humans were more considerate and understanding *hugs*

PS
A person is more than their work or job description.

Berries
So sorry Hun

I'm sorry that you had to deal with that man. You are doing the best you can with what you've been dealt, and a darn fine job you are doing!! It sounds like you are really putting a huge effort into keeping yourself well. I wish I had that much drive to seek out all the resources you have. Keep on taking care of yourself and don't give that silly man a second thought

Hey dont worry about that jerk you know what you can do because ocd and bipolar Is bad enough with no energy and Iam also on disability cause I can not focus because of the ocd thoughts and the panic attacks and social anxiety .I also tired of people who judges people and they dont have a clue of about ocd and bipolar.Huggs

((((((berries))))))

You are so strong in fighting everything you have to deal with. Don't feel bad about needing help. That help is there for a reason. I thought I would always be able to completely support myself, but when I went back to school I had to apply for food stamps so that I can eat. While I felt guilty at first about needing the help, I realized over time that, that was what it was for. I hope to be able to use what I learn to help others, but along the way I need help myself. Your goal of volunteering is admirable. Even if it is not a paid position as such, you are helping other people. If all of us (including that rude guy) were willing to help in the ways that we can then the world would be that much better of a place. And part of helping the world is taking care of ourselves. If we don't take care of ourselves then we will never be able to help others. And you already help so many people here on PC.

Lots of hugs for you Berries. I wish that mean man had not said those things to you.