[findingmy_self95]

Ive been depressed for about 4 or 5 years since I was 10 but I told no one because at first I didn't understand it. Im 15 in 2 days on the 19 and I though my dad was depressed but never actually knew...Until today. He was talking to my grandpa and he was talking about being depressed and taking medication for it. That broke my heart so bad. Ive been a SI for 2 1/2 years and Im in so much pain knowing that half my family is depressed. Ive thoguht of SU more and more over the past month and almost did it, I would have if I wasnt at my moms. She didnt have what i needed. I am very nervous because now that I know my dad is depressed I feel I can tell him I am and about my SI and depressiom but I don't want to tell him because he's depressed I don't want to make him feel responsible even though truthfully he is partially responsible. But I want help desperately because I know fior shure that im going to do somehting stupid and soon and Im partially afraid. HELP ME!!! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE!

[Blue Krik]

You are so young, it breaks my heart to hear you're struggling with depression.
But from my own experience. I couldn't tell anyone the exact terms of my depression, ever. My mom asks every once in a while and I know she means well, but I also know that if I tell her that all I really want (sometimes) is to just give up on life, she'll get worried and constantly on my back.

I found my depression to be highly contradictory. I'm sad cause no one around me understands, but I'm also happy they can't feel the pain I'm going through. I find it very confusing, but oh well. I'm slowly trying to deal with it, one day at a time.

You and your dad...I also vote for solving family issues. Because I'm lived in a family where no one talked about our problems and so I ended being the depressed one, my sister is the genius who doesn't have a path of her own and my mom is just...well, my mom. While my dad has always been the abuser of the family. But I keep thinking that I wouldn't have ended like this if my dad would've just talked to me, every once in a while. Water under the bridge now, I know.

Part of being depressed is feeling overly worried for things that we cannot control. Like you can't control your dad's reaction to your depression. If I would be in your shoes, I would tell my dad, but I would do it so that I could make him feel that he's not alone in this, that he could count on me just like I would hope to count on him.

You shouldn't do anything stupid. You have an entire life to do wonderful, amazing things and plenty of time to get all better, to feel that you do count, that depression isn't stronger than you. I'm speaking from experience here, I've also been on the verge of acting stupid, but something always pulls me back. And I'm always grateful.

Hang in there. Get professional help, it really makes all the difference in the world. And keep giving us news.

[Ascension]

It is sad to hear that at such a young age you are hurting so badly. I remember my teen years being particularly hard for me. I am glad you have reached out to this site for someone to talk to. I know it is hard to hear that someone so close to you as your father suffers from the same pain many of us do, but the good news is that he should be able to relate and hopefully you two can work through some of this together. I hope that if you find yourself in trouble you reach out. Depression can be something we don't want to share because it can make us feel weak and vulnerable but I have learned to utilize it to my advantage. It fuels my writing, music and makes me feel alive. I used to be afraid of the bad feelings but they are a part of me and I can find peace in it now. I hope you can do the same.

[justfloating]

hi Brennan, welcome to PC

I'm sorry you're so depressed, especially so young, but YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You would be AMAZED at how many people suffer from depression, and how many of them are young like you. Chances are, if you walk around your school or your neighbourhood, a number of the people you wouldn't think are depressed are taking medication, in therapy or, like you, are hiding their pain.

I understand why you don't want to talk to your dad. I don't tell my family much about my depression. They know I have it, but they don't know many details -- only my counsellor does. I don't like to worry them. It's very hard to tell your parents that you're so unhappy you can barely function. So we approach my depression very clinically, in my family. My parents know when I see the doctor, they know if the doctor makes any lifestyle or medication recommendations, they know if I'm having a good week or a bad week, but we don't get into the details. They know if anything is seriously wrong, I'll tell them, and I know that if I want to, I can go to them. But for the most part we don't, and that's okay too. Your family doesn't have to be your main source of emotional support. For a lot of people, that's just impossible, either because their family won't understand, will worry, or is quite often a big contributor to emotional problems in the first place.

Do you have someone else you can talk to? What about a school counsellor? If you don't want to do that, please call your local suicide hotline and talk to the professionals there. They're caring and understanding and can help you figure out where to go from here. If anything, I think you should see a doctor RIGHT AWAY. If you think you're in serious danger of hurting yourself, get to the ER. Don't think, just GO. Your priorities are, in this order: staying alive, getting help, explaining things to your family. What you have is an illness and it needs to be treated as such. It's no different than going to the doctor when you break your leg -- you wouldn't try to set the bone on your own, would you?

Another thing ... do NOT put your father's depression ahead of your own. It's a caring, noble thing to do, but it won't help either of you. What would make your father feel worse? Knowing you're depressed, or losing you and wishing he could have done something to help? Depression has been found to run in families ... it's nobody's fault -- not yours or his -- if it's in your genes.

((((((((((Brennan))))))))))))

Please keep yourself safe. I can tell you're in a lot of pain, but you don't have to feel this way forever. Please keep us updated on how you're doing.

Please remember that depression is a treatable medical illness, not a sign that someone failed. Remind your father of that too. You have a condition that runs in your family, and one that can be dealt with. It's nobody's fault.

If you feel you may harm yourself, alert someone immediately. Tell the adults in your life that you need help, and don't stop asking for it until you get it. You don't have to say the s-word. Just say you are afraid you might harm yourself.

Stay safe. Get help. Keep reminding yourself it's nobody's fault.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Brennan11007!

Originally Posted by Brennan11007

But I want help desperately because I know fior shure that im going to do somehting stupid and soon...

You know yourself best. Go with your gut. Get that help now while setting aside any worries about family consequences - to the best of your ability.

The effects of actually harming yourself will far outweigh any disclosure of what you're feeling.

Crisis Centres in Canada
PsychCentral Crisis Links

[trevorzero]

It's important that your family members be aware of your depression, but don't necessarily expect all the help and support that you need to come from them. The psychological dynamics of a depression-prone family can be very strange and twisted. Your Dad and others may want very much to help you but they may be so wrapped up in their own problems that they may not have much to offer you right now.

Find an outsider to be your guide and anchor. It might be a next-door neighbor or just about anybody who is kind and decent and has their head on straight. If you seek it out, you absolutely will find the right person to help you.

[buttrfli42481]

((((((Brennan))))))
I know what it is like to be scared to tell your parents about your depression. I know now that I have been depressed for most of my life, I am almost 29. I have been dx for 2yrs. I had SI several times in my teen years and never told anyone. 2yrs ago I was taken to the ER for my SI. The hardest thing was to call my mom and tell her that I was being admitted. I got the reaction I was expecting, one of complete shock. Growing up, I was the one to "hold" the family together. For my mom to hear that the family "glue" didn't think life was worth living anymore, was hard for her. However, she has been a big support. We don't talk about what happens at my counseling sessions, or visits with my pdoc; but that is my choice. There have been times that I will talk about my depression, I have to be having a very good day to do that. I don't think my mom understands depression in its entirety.
Your dad is more apt to understand what you are going through. Like what others have said, he may be wrapped up in his own depression to see that you are going through the same things. I think that your biggest fear is the reaction you will get, don't let that fear keep you from getting the help you need. Do you have an adult friend that you could talk to, or be there when you talk to your dad? For me, having someone with me made things a lot less scarey.
If you are afraid that you might take action on your thoughts, please call the SU hotline or 911. You still have so much ahead of you, so much to accomplish. I hope that you will find the strength to carry on and get the help you need.

Hello, Brennan. It takes courage to ask for the help you know you need. Give yourself a birthday present and talk to your Dad or someone you can trust to start the process of going forward to a better life.

Good luck.

[thine_self_untrue]

Hi. It's nice to meet you. I'm so glad you joined PC. It's a good place to say all those things you wish you could, but are afriad to. If you ever want to talk to someone your own age, I'm here for you.
I hope you find help and solutions. Happy Birthday.