[googley]

I feel so awful and messed up inside. I feel lonely. I feel like a failure even though I am still doing my homework and going to class. I know a lot of this is my depression. I feel like I should just quit before I fail. I'm sad. I'm angry at my T and so I don't feel connected to her. My mom called me fat (not in so many words) when I saw her at my grandfather's memorial service. I can't stand being around her. I hate my life. I feel screwed up inside. I don't see the point.

I feel bad for not being around more and supporting others but I have just been feeling overwhelmed. I'm sorry.

[Ascension]

((((((googley))))))

[shezbut]

((googley))

If you haven't already, you may want to try writing in a journal. That can help a lot to let your emotions out freely. Without judgment, let those thoughts and feelings out. You can then review it, to see what your main issues are, to discuss in T. Just an idea. It works for me.

[Junerain]

Can you find a T you're more connected with?? I am sitting here listening,,feeling your pain with you For it is my pain also

[justfloating]

((((((((((googley))))))))))

[idontknow13]

(((((googley))))))

[Rohag]

((((((( Googley! )))))))

I think you have been struggling for a long time, yes? As strong and persistent as your feelings are, they have not prevented you from making progress. That is a testimony both to your own strength and to the feelings' lack of substance.

Yes, you do feel awful. The awful runs deep and may follow you no matter where you go, or whom you see, or what you do. Your many friends here would love to be able to reach into your soul and remove the awful. Unfortunately, we can't even accomplish that on ourselves. Perhaps the best we can do is affirm you, assuring you your struggle touches us, that you are not alone.

[Naturefreak]

Googley
We are here for you .

[googley]

Originally Posted by shezbut

((googley))

If you haven't already, you may want to try writing in a journal. That can help a lot to let your emotions out freely. Without judgment, let those thoughts and feelings out. You can then review it, to see what your main issues are, to discuss in T. Just an idea. It works for me.

Shezbut-
Thanks for your post. I do a lot of journaling (especially-maybe only when I feel really bad). It does help me sort out what is going on. Right now I do know what the most pressing issues are, part of the problem is that dealing with them in T is bringing up lots of bad feelings inside.

Originally Posted by Junerain

Can you find a T you're more connected with?? I am sitting here listening,,feeling your pain with you For it is my pain also

Junerain, Thanks for your support. I do connect with my T most of the time. We are just in the middle of a rupture that has now lasted for a while since I missed session last week to travel for my grandpa's memorial service. I go see her again tomorrow so hopefully it will get straightened out. All the stress added up just becomes overwhelming and feeling that I don't have support IRL makes me feel lonely.

Originally Posted by Rohag

((((((( Googley! )))))))

I think you have been struggling for a long time, yes? As strong and persistent as your feelings are, they have not prevented you from making progress. That is a testimony both to your own strength and to the feelings' lack of substance.

Yes, you do feel awful. The awful runs deep and may follow you no matter where you go, or whom you see, or what you do. Your many friends here would love to be able to reach into your soul and remove the awful. Unfortunately, we can't even accomplish that on ourselves. Perhaps the best we can do is affirm you, assuring you your struggle touches us, that you are not alone.

Rohag-
Thank you. Your words always bring light into my darkness. These feelings come and go. And while I know that I will reach a point where they will once again recede, there are periods that they just feel overwhelming. I hope it is okay that I come and vent here. I feel so limited in my ability to talk about these things IRL. That people don't understand or that I can't talk about it because of my personal situations, it wouldn't be appropriate. Otherwise I wont talk about it, if it isn't okay. I know it will go away. But it seems overwhelming when I can't talk about it. I don't want it to seem like all I do is complain. I don't know anymore if it is okay to vent here.

[Rohag]

Goodness! This is THE place to vent! I'm sorry if I somehow sent you the contrary message. There's a time for everything. You have given so much to folks here. Yet that giving is unrelated to your right to vent and complain as much as you need.

My take: neither you nor anyone else need do anything to "earn" being the center of attention here.

[googley]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Goodness! This is THE place to vent! I'm sorry if I somehow sent you the contrary message. There's a time for everything. You have given so much to folks here. Yet that giving is unrelated to your right to vent and complain as much as you need.

My take: neither you nor anyone else need do anything to "earn" being the center of attention here.

Rohag-
I know that with my low self esteem right now and easy ability to jump to distorted cognitions that it is easy for me to misinterpret what people intend to be saying and insert instead what I am feeling about myself (ie, I'm not good enough to post here, I'm just bothering people, etc.) I don't think it was anything you specifically said. It was just my own insecurities rearing their ugly head. But thank you for setting me straight. Sometimes I need to be whacked over the head when my thoughts get out of control and reminded that people do care. Even if they have just said it. My biggest fear is always that people let me be around, but really they don't want me to be, and they are just trying to be nice, and are too nice to tell me to go away because they don't want me around. I think I was getting pulled back into this one. So thank you for setting me straight.

[lonegael]

(((((Googley)))))) Sometimes it's just a long, hard haul and the feelings come more than they go. We all get help from coming here, Googley. I get it from reading others wisdom and "talking" with people who fight some of the same demons I do. Yeah, sometimes I can't be there for people i want to help, just like you, because I have to be sparing with my strength, so to speak. No one holds your silences against you, or your recurrent problems. Shoot, recurrent is my middle name You are doing a lot right, though. Try to hang on to that, even if it feels otherwise. feelings do't always have a reality outside of you mind. Huggs, dear, and i hope you start feeling better.