scared...

i'm scared, very scared. i have an appt next week at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. i have NO idea what is going to happen, what they are going to do, or how long i will be there. And i'm very nervous. i think my parents see this as a 'last resort' type thing - so really, no pressure at all.
and i'm worried. if they can't help me, then who the f*** can?? i'm scared because of so many things. i had to fill out ten pages of paperwork just for the visit. how can i keep myself from going insane or losing it this last week before the appt? can i even prepare myself for an event with consequences so huge???

Maybe you could make a list of things that will probably happen...like I will: have an intake interview, be assigned a room, have one on one therapy, have group therapy...that sort of thing. This will let you break it down into more expectable parts instead of just this overwhelming idea of "going to the hospital".

It's okay, just answer all questions they ask you truthfully, and console yourself with the thought that it's not long left until you get help. Do what you can to make your life easier until then, if you need to talk PM me, kay? Take care x

jrae, you have had the strength to get to this point in life, you will find the strength to get to the clinic with your parents.

Regardless of how weak we may feel from time to time, there is an instinctive inner strength that keeps us putting one foot in front of the other.

Don't allow your anxiety to get the best of you now, you are on a journey that just may be the right place at the right time to find the answers you, and your parents, have been seeking. When you find your anxiety getting the best of you, take a few very deep breaths and concentrate on calm; find a calm place (my place is a forest with a stream) that you can imagine and put yourself there.

Maybe you can make a list...a list of things that you are concerned about. A list of questions you may have. Not what you think your mom and dad may ask. This visit is about you...concentrate of what you want answers to. A list of things like why am I like this; why have I done this and that; what future do I have with this condition. Let your fears, your anxiety, your inner thoughts, yourself be the guide in making the list.

You may never need the list during the visit, but you will have it in your pocket.

As already stated, all you can do during the visit is to be as honest as possible with your responses to their questions. Don't be afraid of the consequences. Allow the vulnerable part of you out; don't hide your feelings. No one, not even the Mayo Clinic, can help you if you hide your feelings. Someone said to me recently, " You are most generous in that; willing to model vulnerability and strength." The more you divulge the more someone can help you to understand yourself. Vulnerability is strength of character; our pain causes us to build our character.

I am 61 years old and have been dealing with mental illness ALL of my life. It is a doable thing, but first it is paramount to understand yourself and what makes you tick. That is the answer I hope you find at the Mayo
Clinic.

Let yourself out while you are there. Listen while you are there. One of the mistakes many of us make during therapy is not wanting to hear what is being said from the other chair, or from the other side of the desk. This is because we fear that if we listen we may lose touch with what is most familiar to us; our dark side. There is light out there...I PROMISE THIS!!

I know I can be long-winded...sorry about that.

I'm just going to the clinic to get a second opinion. I will NOT be staying in the hospital there! And my parents won't be with me. In fact, they are not even in the country!! I'm spending the night before at my Aunt's house, which should help cuz we always play cards! Then I have to drive about two hours in the morning before my appoinment.

The end of the month will mark my fourth year of treatments for my depression. (At the beginning, I said I'd never make it to 5 years) I'm just nervous because I don't know what is going to happen there. It's just an appointment, so what they decide to do from there I don't know. I can stay the night at my Aunt's house if it gets late or they want me to come back the next day. But for me, when taking a trip, I like to know how long I'm going to be gone and what I will be doing. So this is very stressful to me!

And I've actually been getting worse lately. Even the things I still had interest in with my depression, I now find don't matter to me. I don't want to do anything. I'm tired! This worries me cuz if I can't get myself to do things, no one can! I just want the snow to go away so I can enjoy the warm weather again, just me and my cats! (plus the baby kittens too)