I was doing well...

I I always hesitate to post when I'm doing well, cause I feel like that would be bragging or something, but I should have known that it wouldn't last. I passed all of my courses and did quite well on them to boot. Not perfectly, but I needed practice on fighting my need for perfection anyways. Now that I've finished my spring courses, I don't have anything to do, no job, no nothing and that's causing a bit of a downward slide, back into a negative mood. I'd focused all of my live, my happiness on school. causing me some very anxious nights, but also providing me with much to me proud of and celebrate when I was doing well. However I neglected the other facets of my life. I don't have too many friends and none I really trust in difficult times. I have no hobbies that I enjoy and can take up when I'm feeling down. My eating is irregular, depending on whether on not I feel like getting up and preparing something. My mom always makes supper so I do eat at least once a day. I don't exercise enough, although I am trying to get out and walk more. I need to get a job and get out of the house more, but none of the places I dropped a resume off at, have called me back, with the except of a place that interviewed me and didn't want to. I guess I just need to attend to all parts of my life, but the task seems somewhat overwhelming. Thanks for listening to me complain.

Laura

I sure understand each part of your post.

I think you have the correct assessment, that you need to add other things into your life. Don't overdo though. Pick one thing at a time, and not anything that is long=term or a big project. Maybe just taking a break like going to the zoo or someplace first? Ask your mom about what you could do to learn to change your focus and readjust, she might have a really good response since she knows you best. TC

Sounds a lot like how I feel... summer break is over-rated. Do you see anyone during the summer, a T? Might help break up the time, and help you figure things out. Also, everyone recommends to me that I volunteer, sounds like a good idea if you have transportation.
Good luck

Hi Laura,

I recently lwft my job after many years and have suddenly found myself in a position where I have more time on my hands. At times I dont know what to do with myself and that gets me down a bit. I try to make sure that I do at least a little something each day. Even if that is a walk. Journaling, cleaning, baking....whatever I can to keep myself busy. You may also want to try a volunteer position somewhere until you can land a paid position. This may help with having to much time on your hands and helping someone in the process. The often have volunteer positions at retirement homes, hospitals, social services, shelters, food distributions for homeless or something like that. Maybe that is something you can look for. It also helps on a resume. Just a thought. I hope your feeling better soon. Take care and much love.


Jen

I understand. (((((hugs))))

Sky,

Thank you for responding. I understand the need to add things slowly, but I tend to berate myself for the things I haven't done, rather than congratulate myself on the things I have. Like today. I went for a therapy session, I had lunch with my dad and step-mom and I walked home (30 mins,) but I can't help but think that I didn't do anything to look for a job, I didn't call the university, I didn't call my family doctor, I didn't call the woman I want to be a friend, and I didn't do my laundry. I feel like what I did wasn't enough. I wish I could just be happy with what I did do.

Laura

Taonuviel,

Thanks. I wish I could just go to school year round, take a few weeks off at Christmas, during summers, reading week (spring break-ish, but late February), and have long weekends. Unfortunately, school is expensive and the professors also want summer vacation so I have to work some during the summer. I've thought about doing volunteer work, but I'd need a car to do most of the things I'd want to, and I need a job to get a car. Hope you're doing better than me.

Laura

Thanks ((((Jen))), I address most of what you said in previous posts so I just wanted to say I appreaciate you taking the time to write.

Laura

((((complic8d,))))

I wish you didn't, but it's also nice to know I'm not alone.

Laura

Oh yes L&D... the things we don't do... vs what we do accomplish... it's part of the distorted thinking. I make a list. Then, when I am able, I do something on the list. Sometimes mother or a person says what about such and such and all I have to say is, "It's on my list."

My T keeps after me about this too. He stresses how BIG it is to get to therapy, how much I should not only appreciate it, but appreciate the fact that I DID get to talk with and work with my psychologist "today."

TC

It’s really difficult to believe that life is going to improve. I’ve started to think it’s going to be periods of depression interspaced with the rare and wonderful moments of happiness, the few days where hope isn’t necessary because you are living the life you wanted. You don’t have to worry about the future, because the now is ever-present in your mind and joy is etched into your soul. But those times never last long enough, and you are alone and miserable once more. I wonder whether this pattern holds only for my depression brethren, and I, or whether it’s a universal truth to life. It’s difficult to know what is normal, when the only thoughts I have access to are my own. Some days I am drowning in those thoughts, in an ocean of hopelessness and despair. I know how to swim, but I can’t swim forever, and the islands are few and far between. They end up disintegrating beneath me, and I’m left in the lonely ocean once more. Why does it have to be so lonely, why can I only find others on the islands?

Slowly I am learning to not compare life as it is vs what it was before the accident. I used to find myself always comparing... and there just isn't any. Like I can change and go back? not. I understand your musings.

We can't find others when the depression reigns.. it's part of it's nasty obscurity that plagues us. In the dark pit, others tell me they are there also, but I never see them either.

I don't have those days anymore, when I feel "this is life" worth living. There is little I find that falls under the term "enjoyment." In fact, I can't think of anything, I just said "little" so no one counters my thought on that.

The only real thing I know when depressed is that my T says it won't always be this way. It isn't my hope I live on... it's his.

((((hugs)))))