Giving up seems like a good idea...right?

I feel horrible, hate everything, don't want to do anything, don't know what to do actually. Trying to actually try in life and live it is getting harder and harder.

I've been living in limbo and vegetating in my depression for the last couple of months and not really doing anything about. I've stopped doing anything really important such as work, exercise, eat right, talk to friends, and I try to avoid family as much as I can.

But trying to change any of it is getting harder and harder to do. I now have a 6 month gap in my work history which is hard to explain to possible employers. I don't even know what kind of job I want to get and the economy sucks so getting a job is near impossible. I can't seem to work up the motivation to work out, eat right, or even take good care of myself. Most of my friends have given up on me because I had stopped answering their calls and ignoring their emails months and months ago. My family still doesn't really know that I have a problem and that I haven't been working and they think I'm doing fine. My family comes from a culture that doesn't believe in depression and so they don't know or seem to understand that I'm totally unhappy.

Something is gonna have to change soon because I don't really think I can continue like this much longer. I feel like I've been digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole everyday and pretty soon everything is going to cave in around my suffocate me.

I don't know what to do...all I know is that I HATE IT!!! I hate, hate the life I'm living and I want to change it. I just don't know how. Everything I try keeps failing.

I NEED HELP!!!

Oh! That resonates!

Lostforevermore, earlier you posted you had seen or were seeing a counselor, but that it was hard for you to be completely honest and you were/are afraid about your parents finding out how poorly you're doing. Perhaps it is time to take some of your posts, print them out, and place them in front of that counselor?

Many people, usually with help, successfully navigate depression and emerge strong on the other side. Some people will have to "manage" depression for many years or a lifetime. Six months is not that long. I think you can hope for the best, but - my opinion - you'll need help getting there.

First you write down your goal; your second job is to break down your goal into a series of steps, beginning with steps which are absurdly easy.
~Fitzhugh Dodson

Jobs in this economy are very hard to get.
It's also a slower season. You have to keep trying, and things CAN get better.
Perhaps you can explain the 6 month gap as needing some personal time for you and your family etc? "Personal reasons" can mean all sorts of things, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.

So I've stopped canceling my appts with my T and am going to be seeing her today. I have printed out my posts and am going to give it to her to read. I'm scared about what she will say. I'm really scared and nervous about giving it to her, but I'm really going to try. I don't know what she will say, in a way I'm scared about what she will say.

Good luck with your appointment. But if it doesn't go the way you hope that it goes, then immediately plan for your next step. Always have something in mind that you can try to do to improve your situation. You don't have to feel hopeful or optimistic about your plans, just go and do them anyway.

I hope the cavalry comes over the hill very soon for you. Once that dark cloud gets all rained out it will finally move on. Peace - Dennis

Good luck with the appt. Give her/him your print outs and let them do their job in treating you. Hang in there and don't be afraid to give the printouts to the T.

Good for you, Lostforevermore. Please let us know how it went.

So glad you went to see your Therapist!! Great idea!!!!

When I am at my lowest I live to the letter the following prayer, for as long as it takes, for me, it works! (I retyped it):

http://www.nhal-anon.org/Just4Today.html
(it's Good!)

* also You may want to ask your therapist @
CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) it has fast results, v. structured.
Excellent success for deep depression

"Feeling Good" by David Burns, superb book of CBT
(a must have bk 4 UR shelves)

Lots of Love,
Holmes

I know how you feel. I woke up the other day and I thought "This isn't fair. I want out . I'm giving up." But there is no way to give up. I can sleep all day, or lie in bed all day because I can't sleep, I can give up eating and my family wouldn't notice. So I keep going, and Im still waiting for someone else to realise and sort it out for me, because I don't think I can do anything anymore. But I am gunna keep trying, to survive, anything, but I know Ill give up soon- it's professional help everyone needs, try and get a counsellor.

I went and saw my T...she's going to help me work up my courage to talk to my family. At least to tell them I'm depressed and that I've got a problem. Right now they don't even really know that I've got a problem. I think I'll be telling them soon. I'm kinda scared about how my family will react to knowing that I'm depressed.