Really down

I put the trigger just in case

I haven't been able to post...or even read posts in weeks.

Not really able to vent...too exhausted and emotionally drained about my situation, but if I can attempt to type and get some out it'd be good because I'm extremely down...so here goes.

I put the trigger there because a few weeks ago I cut up my thighs pretty bad, which I posted due to the situation with my boy/f attempting suicide (really it was the arguing prior)

Things have been going really poorly and the other night I really had a hard time again stopping myself. You're probably wondering ...why post here when this is si? Well I am struggling more with the depression and I feel just numb with everyday life.

My memory is shot and I feel lost in my everyday life. I guess that's what being overwhelmed is...huh.

Sorry if this comes off complaining or whatever, but it's just beginning to affect my life too much again.

I know I got support in the past and it's helped I guess I'm hoping I can get clear.

I know that replying to other ppl's posts helped me...so I started to do that.

I need a new therapist, I still need to get a neuropsychologist (which I had called 2 and both took my info never called me back)

I called an advocate for help with disability and referred to a lawyer for help. Called there and played tag.

I have to take my son to a bunch of doctor appointments. Also, camp will begin, which means at 5 I'll have to drive 45minutes away in rush hour to get him.

I have to call and apply for state funds for him to see if I can get help to pay for camp.

I have to come up with money to pay for braces for him (one of the appts for him)

I have to take him for bloodwork.

I have to take him for a hearing test cuz he's having problems with hearing.

I have to take him to an eye doctor ..he has full cataracts.

hmmm Lots of stuff...getting overwhelmed by my list cuz I just want to crawl back to bed.

lovely.

My boy friend is doing really badly...he's aware...aware of what he had done and he's extremely angry.

Won't go there...that is overwhelming for me.

Well I guess I got a bit out...thanks for listening to my junk.

Hope everyone is well.

Take care
Eva

Eva,

Thank you for taking the time to type this out and share here with us.

I've noticed your absence and this helps explain a lot.

I wish I had words of comfort or inspiration. I do not.

All I can offer is deep appreciation for the energy it took to type up your words and post them here.

I hope it helps to have gotten this out.

((Eva)) you have so much going on and this list is huge in helping you continue to chip away at all this stuff.

kindly and with supportive thoughts,
__zh

((((((((Eva)))))))) I just want to offer you my support and HUGS! Take care of yourself. Love ya.

((((((( comp )))))))) ty ... I appreciate that... I hope you are well. I know you were going through a rough time and I haven't seen you much in chat

I miss you! and I hope you are doing better.

Take care
Eva

So sorry u are feeling so depressed and overwhelmed. I hope posting about it will help some, and the replies certainly indicate you have lots of support here ! Take care !

So sorry u are feeling so depressed and overwhelmed. I hope posting about it will help some, and the replies certainly indicate you have lots of support here ! Take care !

Ty (((Parker))))

Hi Eva,
I am glad you got out a lot of things you were holding inside. It seems like life is on the edge with overwhelming situations but keep holding on tight.
I care about you.
You know I am here for you.
What can I do to help you?
Susan

Hi Susan ... I was worried about you ...haven't seen you around here in awhile. I care about you and I hope you are doing well.

Past month or so things just have been more extreme and it's been building up. I guess I am feeling too overwhelmed and I figured talking on here ...letting it out will hopefully help.

My t is not helping and I need to get a new one... I think i listed that. THat office keeps calling me telling me my appt is a different time than it was scheduled for and then asks to make it a different time.

For instance today it was scheduled for 10:15 (I know this cuz I pre-scheduled these appts with my calendar with them a month in advance and this is happening every week) ANyways, they tell me my appt is for 11:00 (as usual a different time then I have) and that would 12:45 or 3:45 be better (as usual now asking for another time).

I got fed up ...said no ..neither and I'm cancelling thursdays's appt to.

She didn't expect that and said well how about a phone consult tomorrow. I'm like "no". She's like well you can't come in for 11:45. I said "no my appt. was for 10:15 and the reason I know this is because my son has 1/2 day of school and I wouldn't make it a different time so I cannot do a different time and I don't want to do a phone session.

I'm getting irritated...sorry.

Just I like my therapist ...but not as a therapist ..and I'm tired of this bull about the scheduling.

Well Susan .. you just helped me vent more.

Ty ((((Susan))))

Let me know in pm how you are doing when you get some time.

Take care
Eva

((((((((((((((((eva)))))))))))))))
just remember to breath and take one step at a time....i havent been here much myself..but im always here for you........luv ya and miss ya.......sherry

{{{{{{{eva}}}}}}}

So much you had to do but it's better to get it over and done with now. Braces well my brother have had private dentist work and braces cost quite a lot but in the end he got a priceless smile. It is hard when your b/f is thinking about going. Try to tlk him out of it. Like who would miss him and why it's not a good idea. Also you know by doing that your soul proberly doesn't go to heaven or hell... It has been a busy time looking after everyone. When you need to be looked after too. Hope you get done all the things and then finally relax. Deep breath try to talk to him about it.

(((((((( sherry )))))))))))

ty ... that means a lot to me ...and the same holds true for you...I'm here.

I may not be able to be as good as I was, but I'm definately "me" ...and you're definately on my mind daily . I hope you continue to do well on those meds ..and stay positive.

I enjoyed talking and catching up with you last night.

Hope to talk to you soon ...and more often.

Thank you so much
Miss yah
Eva

(((((( Miss A )))))))

Ty ... yes I need to get those for my son...and just a ton of other things done for him and myself.

It's extremely hard about my b/f ...and the thing of it is...it's not "him" that wants to go ...as he explains it to me... yes he has the thoughts and the battle as I guess many of us go through, but there comes a point when he literally isn't in control, and that is really sad.

He becomes unaware...this hasn't happened often, but enough that it's become a dangerous and upsetting situation.

Hopefully he can get the help he really needs. Like he had said to me recently ... if he at this point didn't want to be here ...he wouldn't be...no matter who was watching him. He's here because of "him". Even though his thoughts are dark. It's just a struggle. He will walk around constanly saying aloud "I'm alright .. I'm alright" ... when I think about that...it just saddens me. *shrugs*

Anyways... just trying to let things out so they don't pile up on me. Do the long list of things I have to do, which is way more then I've listed...it seems overwhelming to me...also probably because I'm not well physically and mentally.

So I'll try to do what I have to to stay on track because I'm realizing it's getting bad and I'm slipping and I know I don't want that.

Anyways, ...thanks for listening...and your response and support

Thank you.

Hope you are well and feeling better.

Take care
Eva

((((((((((((((((Eva))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry I missed this thread. I am so sorry you are feeling overwhemled. I know that there always seems like tons of stuff to do and time flies by so fast and the next thing you know it has all gotten away from you.

I frequently feel overwhelmed. I got alot of stuff going on right now. Sky gave me the advice to make a list of all the things I needed to do and tackle them one at a time. I know that it is very easy to let things get to us. Remember, you are only one person and can only handle so much at one time. Try to take it easy on yourself. Relax and breathe. Please feel free to pm me if you need to vent more. I am always here for you. Take care sweety and much love.

Jen

((((((((((( jen ))))))))))))))

Thank you ... Yeah Sky helped me by telling me to make a list with something to do with positives and negatives on something.

Also, to do a daily list because I forget things, but I think I purposefully don't make a list because I am overwhelmed...I just can't look at a list of certain things that just overwhelmed.

Yesterday I tackled a few tough things for me, and started to process of a few things (like finding a neuropsychologist), but let's see how far that gets.

If I sat here and did the list by the time I was done ..it'd be time to add.

I don't know right now it's just so busy...so I do a couple things a day *shrugs* it might sound half *** backwards to some at the moment, but it's the best I'm gonna do at the moment.

Maybe once my son gets situated both in camp & school together things will get better as far as me having more time.

I did do well yesterday...Went and got my car insurance ...got the car inspected..went to my cardiologist (although that appt was interesting) ...called and found a neuropsychologist (that hopefully will work out)...took my son to a doctor appt. ... picked up a new phone (cuz mine had broken) (and a few other errands bank, post office which are a lot for me when all added up when you don't feel well with the other stuff).

So I think I like the list of stuff I did better .

((( jen )))) thanks for your support.

I hope you are doing well ... I know you have a lot on your plate. Anytime you want to pm me and vent ...don't hold back ...I'm here too g/f!

Take care
Eva

((((((((((((((((((((((Eva))))))))))))))))))))))))))

See. Your doing it. You did lots of stuff yesterday. You should feel good about that. I am proud. I do hope that things settle down for you because I know getting overwhelmed for long periods of time really hinder me both depression wise and definitly not good for my anxiety either.

Thanks for the PM offer to vent. I will be taking you up on that. . Beleive me, I could vent for 10 pages. LOL. Talk to you soon.

Love,


Jen

Good for you eva... ty for your thoughts. Don't overdo though! heheheh

((((((((( Jen )))))))))))

Yeah... you said it all right there in that paragraph...I can relate to that totally.

And ... I'll hold you to this paragraph .. lol cuz that'll help me... plus then I'll feel like it's ok to vent back... lol.

Hey I hope you doing well

I'll talk to yah!

Take care
Eva

((((Sky)))))

ty ... I hope you are doing well!

Take care
Eva

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Eva}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
so sorry your having a hard time right now feeling depressed and all......but looks like your getting A LOT of support and encouragement here ......keep posting and get those feelings out.
Take care of yourself

(((((((( Hope ))))))))))

Ty so much for your support. I know your going through a hard time yourself and I hope you are doing better now.

You are always so thoughtful and I hope that you are getting a lot of support and encouragement and feeling stronger.

Take care of you.
Eva