[siempre nada]

Why is it that I get so completely obsessed with people who treat me like crap? I mean they say something that makes me die a little inside, cry my eyes out when I get home, then want to bake them a cake the next day. Am I that stereotypical girl who responds well to getting treated badly, or does my depression play a part in it?

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((siempre nada))))

Thank you for posting and for sharing what you are feeling. I wonder if like many of us who have been stomped on or had things done or said either from our past or present relationships, if it is what we know so we tend to reach for that. But I also think that maybe anyway for me, all my life I have wanted to be accepted and loved beginning in my home and I never got that so when someone says something mean or does something that hurts me I think if I can make it right somehow they will love me or care.

I do not know if that is what you are asking but always trying to somehow be accepted and loved. When we are treated like crap it tends to be what we expect or accept as something we deserve. When the truth is we do not deserve to be treated this way. But so many times we just accept things even when they hurt us because bad attention or caring is better than none at all. How can we expect anything more than what we have always known, until we recognize what is happening and why.

I know for me I am working on this and it is not easy because even when I got bad love or mean love, at least I got something. So maybe that is why we tend to think that is what we deserve and we tend to accept it even when it hurts.

I hope you will begin to realize that you do not deserve to be treated that way, and that you will find acceptance for you and friendship because it is what should be. I know what you are saying and I am hearing you. Know that we care and are here for you. Please keep posting and sharing. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

[lynn P.]

I remember reading that some people who have unfinished business with a parent, will unconsciously select people which forces them to solve their unresolved issues. In addition if a person had lowered self esteem they might feel they some how deserved to be treated badly. I found your story funny about baking a cake funny - but add lots of salt lol. You deserve better so don't try to gain their attention.

[Mike_J]

You asked "does my depression play a part in it?" For me, everything in my life plays a part in my depression, and my depression plays a part in everything in my life.

[Tatyana2009]

Hi, I think Darkpurplesecrets put it perfectly.

A good start will be, every time you have the urge to bake a cake (I do not find this funny, but rather very honest of you) - stop yourself and say to yourself 'No. I deserve to be treated nicely and I will bake a cake only for those who appreciate me as I am, respect me and love me'. After few times of resisting this urge it will become easier.

When we use the method of 'pleasing someone' to make it all better again, we do not only try receive love but also believe that it is our responsibility to make it all bettter. It is not your responsibility. Dealing with the bad feeling of someone hurting you can be tough but the bad feeling goes away in the end. Its better to deal with this feeling than to try to make it better since only the person who hurt may be able to make it better. Not you. All you do is create an illusion from which you are more hurt. But I suspect you know this already.

Now, I would go and bake a cake for myself every time I say 'you will not treat me this way. I deserve better!'

Stay cool xx

[Pomegranate]

I very much relate to what you said siempre nada. For me it was growing up and being told through out my childhood that my needs were selfish. When became an adult and started working on my depression issues I realized that I was doing what you describe. I'd "bake the cake" or whatever, unconsciously hoping that would get others to like me and treat me better.

When I started to not accept being treated in a disrespectful manner and stopped trying to get people to like me, I felt better about myself. That helped my depression and taught me, slowly, how to just be myself. To be who I was at any moment, happy or sad, crabby or bored, sweet or generous, etc.

Do not accept unacceptable behavior was my motto through out that time, and I sometimes still need to remember it.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((siempre nada))))

Just wanted to see how you are doing. Know that we are here for you and that we care. I hope you are doing okay and that you will let us know what is going on. Please keep posting and remember you are worth it. Sending gentle hugs.

dps