[madridista]

I need help, or advice, sometimes I feel like its wrong to have few friends, I see all the people in school and they know people from other schools and they have like 100 friends or something like that and I have like 5 or 6 and also is it weird or wrong that I haven't had a boyfriend at age 17?

[silver_queen]

I'm 20... have never had a wide range of friends but the ones i have had, have been close. Also, I have never yet had a boyfriend. It's not weird or wrong to feel that way. some people just can't handle a wide range of friends... and the bickering and gossiping that goes with it. If you want to expand your social circle, maybe try joining a club you find interesting at school, or maybe just approach a few people and try to make friends with them...

[vacantangel]

Hi madridista, welcome to the forums. I hope you will like it here. You'll get lots of support from some very loving and caring people. There is nothing wrong with having only 5 or 6 friends. I think that is plenty. How are you ever going to be close with 100 people. A lot of girls don't have a boyfriend by 17, I wouldn't worry about that either. You'll meet somebody in college when they're a little more mature anyway. Don't be so hard on yourself. Enjoy your high school years.

((((((((((((((( madridista ))))))))))))))

[jmo531]

When I was in high school I had lot of "aquaintances" but only a few close friends. I felt like a close knit bunch and I preferred it that way. I dont think it's weird that you dont have a boyfriend yet and your 17. I think your one of the lucky ones who doesnt get caught up in all that "gotta have a boyfriend" crap. You seem really strong and I think that a positive quality. Stay that way. Take care.

[Wants2Fly]

BTW, Madridista -- I was the gawky, awkward smart girl in HS and even at the beginning of college.

By the time I was in my mid-20s, I was a babe!

Be patient.

[MissHoneychurch]

Madridista,

I never had a boyfriend until I was 20! LIke you, I had about 5 or 6 close friends in high school. Nothing wrong with that.

We're bombarded with so many images about how we're supposed to look, behave, etc. Don't believe it!

You're fine the way you are!

oh, i blossomed in college.....just you wait! i only had 5 real friends in highschool and we're still friends now........i went to highschool a long time ago!! don't worry about having a 100 friends, that's just for show...you can't be a close friend to a 100 people and you wouldn't even want to...too much work!! keep coming here....this is a cool place to be.....pat

[madridista]

thank you for all your messages, I really needed to get it out, I don't know, I've had a hard time, I didn't have any doubts until now, my life is very simple, everyday I come from school, watch TV, hear music, spend the time in internet and my family, I like soccer and play it in my yard or see it at TV and I do not go to parties and stuff like other people my age usually do, going get drunk, smoking and things like that, I don't know if its just me is just that I don't fell comfortable in that kind of situations, some have told me that I will regret it in the future that I didn't go to parties but I don't know, I always imagine myself when I'm older and maybe when i'm older it will be the time to have fun in parties when I'm more mature, maybe it's not my time for that, I feel good when I'm home watching my favorite movies in a saturday night, I only have my friends at school, outside school I don't have any friends, sometimes I don't feel bad about it, and sometimes I do feel bad, I get into a inner conflict and don't know where my life is going. I really thank your opinions and support and I hope this inner conflict ends soon.

[madridista]

I hope you keep advicing and posting your opinions, it really makes me feel better

[rtrudeau]

Hey, I never had very many friends. I usually sit a a table where I know a couple people, but we arent close friends at all!!!

Well, I do have a GREAT friend who goes to my church and goes to the high school in the town next to mine. We are great friends.

I do well in school, and I'm close to my mom. I showed her my report card today and she was happy, proud of me! (cool) If I get good grades, I feel good. I go out with Jen, and we have fun. I use the comp, fill my time with things I like to do.

[madridista]

keep posting opinions

[madridista]

God, I feel more terrible than before, I feel like trapped, I feel like I have no friends at all, I feel alone and I really need someone to help me, I feel like such a loser having almost no friends at all and sometimes I think why the hell I'm living, I shouldn't have been born in the first place, I don't know, this depression has gone bad day by day and I don't know, I see other people hanging out with a lot of friends, going to parties, drinking a lot in a saturday night, while I am in my home watching t.v , I don't know but I feel more comfortable being at home with my family than going to parties, I don't know if that makes me anti social, outside school I don't have friends and I'm always at home, is where I feel more love from my family, but right nowI just feel like it was a mistake me being born.

[silver_queen]

Well, I sound pretty similar to you. I too prefer being at home rather than at parties. It's been such nice weather here recently and I see lots of other students on the campus sitting out on the grass in groups, laughing and listening to music, and it makes me wonder why it is i am sitting alone in my room, and with nobody i can go out with. i've made no friends this whole year of university. part of it is due to my depression and isolating yes, but my own shyness around people also contributes. it makes me wonder if i will make any friends at all during my four years at university... especially since my family expect me to have made friends. But then, I do have one good friend i know from home, so I am not completely alone.

Friends are a very important thing to have and i agree that without them, life can be very lonely. I think your depression is also complicating this, because of your negative view of yourself. Is anybody ever going to make friends with somebody who thinks themselves to be worthless and a waste of space? Maybe there will be that fragile link between acquaintances, but trying to be friends with somebody who more or less hates themselves makes it more difficult, in my opinion. Calling yourself a loser isn't going to endear you to somebody. There's a post here which points out some of the common mistakes in thinking. maybe that will help you catch what you're doing.

so... how do you go about making friends, especially when depressed? i think people often sense in a way that you're depressed, even if they may not know what they are aware of. making friends because you're desperate for friends isn't the way to go. you'd probably find somebody who is willing to exploit your need for friendship and end up hurting you. most people, when they first meet, have a sense of liking somebody, not liking them, or feeling neither way about them. if you like them anyway, that's a good start. i don't know if you're shy are not: if you are, it just makes it harder. but say you're in class and you're sitting next to somebody, just try to engage them in conversation about something related to the class, and see how it goes. i believe that making friends takes a while and doesn't happen in an hour. it's been suggested i believe, about you joining a club, but if you're like me, you'd be reluctant to do that, but it does work to socialize people.

Also, you say you're 17. are you going to college next year? if you are, that's another opportunity to makes friends. i know i haven't, but i haven't particularly tried at it either. when people begin college, they are willing to overlook desperate attempts to become friends, because most people feel the same way: insecure, lonely, and wanting somebody friendly by their side to get through the first weeks of school.

so, don't give up hope yet. in the workplace, at school, etc... there are chances to make friends. often it's unexpectedly that the friendship comes along, when you're not really looking for it. but it is possible to get them, and you're not a 'loser' or worthless for not having a friend by 17. at some point, you will find friends.

[Wants2Fly]

I am sorry that you are feeling so alone, Madridista.

I believe that many of us who are depressed would fall into the category of "introverts" on the Myers-Briggs personality index. Although some of us are a bit shy, others of us are not. What really distinguishes an introvert from an extrovert is where we get our energy from.

[i]Extroverts[/] are energized by being with others. Introverts are nourished by going inward, by spending time in a world of ideas and concepts, by reflection, etc.

Most of the world is extroverts -- over 80% My sense is that we introverts look out and say, "I wish I could be like other people, always out, having a good time with friends."

Yet, too much time with others can be disconcerting for us.

OTOH, my sense is that extroverts look at us introverts and think, "Gosh, why is s/he so strange?"

That alone is isolating.

I have no research to support this idea.

[(JD)]

Gee, sorry you are feeling so bad. If you are really trying all those things, I would suggest you see an MD for some medication assistance... something to bump you up enough to feel better about what you are trying to do... and get you over this dismal feeling of aloneness.

It sounds like the depression has you captured. The sooner you get help, the sooner it can lift. IMO. Don't put this off, you have many wonderful days ahead of you... do what you can to take care of you.

[madridista]

I must say that I have felt better, sometimes I feel depressed but is not that often keep posting messages, they help me feel better

[Wants2Fly]

You bet, M.

Hugs and best wishes.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((M)))))))))))))))))))))))

[madridista]

Hi again, everything was going normally until 5 days ago when I went through a deep depression, about the same thing, about not having many friends, although I don't want to think about it and don't want to make a big deal of it, is sometimes impossible, why many people have so many friends, right now I'm in vacations so I spend all day in my home watching TV and in my computer, I really enjoy spending time in my house and in my computer I hang out a lot, but I don't have friends near my house, maybe it's because I spend a mayor part of my life out of the country and I came back like 4 years ago, and it has been very difficult for me making friends because I kept moving to different places and now I feel the consequences of that.

[Hope4me2]

Welcome, Madridista
You will like it here I am sure of that........everyone is so supportive and encouraging........
so glad you found us here
take care

[(JD)]

Welcome back. Have you tried volunteering somewhere? Often when we give our time and energy to others, not only do they reap rewards from your efforts, but you do too! You will continue to strengthen your social skills, meet new ppl and make new contacts, find out what type of career paths you might like, and more, by volunteering. Depression is a tough disorder... as you may have read, it tells us lies. Also, it causes us to not think clearly about what is really happening. (Like everyone you know does NOT have 100 friends... but it sure can feel that way.) Feel better..(((hugs))))

[madridista]

I've always been a shy person, well now it's less than when I was little, lately I have been feeling this need of being a flight attendant, I think my parents doubt that I have a skill of being that, but I don't know, I liked airplanes since little so I don't know, maybe I can.