[mastifflovr]

Hi Im new and I have had major depression for years and i am really bad right now and i really dont know how much longer i can hang on i am so sick i cant breathe i can hardly see i have 3 boys i am living for but i am in so much pain i have been on virtually everything and nothing has worked the pain is so everwhelming i want to just disappear iwalk around with a hood up so the world cant see i even sleep with ahood on i dont talk anymore i dont want to hear anyone i still work cause i have 3 boys to take care of but i have absolutely no hope that i will ever get better im so tired all the time when ever i do anything i get exhausted im tired of crying im tired of being this way im tired of the pain i need some relief

[mastifflovr]

Wishing well cast you spell
Suspend all time so I cant tell
That everyday is just the same
Filled with sorrow filled with pain
A blank expression on my face
Come look closer Deaths in its place
No sign of life no words to say
You battle demons just to stay
Your so tired you cant go on
One strong wind and You'll be gone

[NuckingFutz]

Hey Mast, I hear you. Exhaustion comes with depression. I would not wait to see your pdoc. If you really not responding to meds have you tried ECT?

[mastifflovr]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Hey Mast, I hear you. Exhaustion comes with depression. I would not wait to see your pdoc. If you really not responding to meds have you tried ECT?

I work 2 jobs and go to school I dont have the time of the money to take off to go in to have the ect done and you have to go in for at least a wk for 3 treatments and then go in every wk there after for usually 12 or so treatments and you have to be off the next day after a treatment and thats very hard for me to do financially

[NuckingFutz]

Wow, pretty packed schedule! How do you do it?

[mastifflovr]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Wow, pretty packed schedule! How do you do it?

its very hard to do but I have to do it I have 3 kids to support so i dont have much of a choice its very hard to keep going everyday when you just want to lay down and die but you know you cant cuz your kids have only you some days i cry all the way to work

[possum220]

dear mastifflover

You need to make time for you. You must be so exhausted. I found out the hard way. Your body is keeping score.

Please go and see a doctor at least. You need to make time, otherwise your body will do that for you.

If you don't take care of yourself..... you wont be able to take care of your boys.

Please get some help...........

[NuckingFutz]

I agree. Was going to suggest lightening the load but it seems like you feel as though you can't take a break from school right now or anything else. Your schedule leaves no time to live. I think it is more important to take the time to live...even if you have to live below your means. Take time out to enjoy life!

[Christina86]

Welcome to PC. I hope being here is helpful for you

[1flagwriter]

I'm in total agreement, Mastifflovr. You really need to reprioritize some things in your life right now, or there's no telling what will happen. I'm MDD also and I know exactly how you feel!! Please make time to talk to someone, very soon!

You said you have tried "all" the meds...could you define that? Is there a chance you've tried mood stabalizers..i.e. Lamictal, or Depakote? These are very, very effective!!

My thoughts are with you and hope you get better soon. Keep us posted.

[angie2716]

You have described pretty much everything I'm doing too. I'm not working though. I'm sorry you are having to do all of this on your own. I wish the best for you hun and if you ever need someone to talk to you can pm me. Good luck!

[Envision]

The love you have for your kids is amazing. The jobs and school and dealing with this. That shows how strong you really are. If you could find one, just one med that would help a little, that would be all you need until your schedule slows down and you can spend more time resolving things and taking care of yourself. You have to take care of yourself first, thats the best way you can continue to take great care of your kids.