[tryingtobeme]

Today I saw my Pdoc. It's been 6 weeks since I've been in. He always triggers me and I end up being left while I am so upset and overwhelemed. Today he said about a mood stabilizer. He just told me to take it. One, I have never been on anything like this before. Two I am not sure why I am taking this s**t. He never explains it to me and is always behind schedule and is always rushing me out the door.

I'm not sure what to do now. Needless to say this is all driving me down, down the spiral of death. I hate myself for even needing any of the c**p. I'm feeling like I am so scewed up that I am unfixable unless I am drugged up.

I even tried to tell him about me not sleeping. Does he care? NO! Didn't even want to hear it. Just glossed right over it, like it was nothing. I am too afraid to speak up to him that I just let it go. I'm afraid of what he will do.

I feel very alone, sad, even sick in my stomach. IDK what I am doing anymore.. I sit and cry...nothing...I try to talk...nothing....I don't say anything....no one still cares...why am I even here if I am just going to be ignored??? That's my sign that I...can't say the words....what is so wrong with me????

[englishteacher]

trying to be - find a new pdoc, one that will listen to you and not rush you out the door. If doc doesn't care and makes you feel bad, then he isn't actually treating you, he's just making things worse.

People DO care about you! I barely know you and I care. I'm so sorry that you are suffering, but you aren't alone and alot of us on PC care about you. Hugs...if you want them.

[Rohag]

((((((( Tryingtobeme! )))))))

I hesitate to offer advice, but my first impression is... Take a copy of your post and RUN, don't walk, to another p-doc/caretaker.

Originally Posted by Englishteacher

...find a new pdoc, one that will listen to you and not rush you out the door. If doc doesn't care and makes you feel bad, then he isn't actually treating you, he's just making things worse.

Exactly.

[Elana05]

Hi tryingtobeme,
Many thoughts with you... I would have to agree with Rohag and englishteacher. I remember when I was first looking for a therapist. People told me to check out different ones. Please don't be angry at yourself. It is no different than needing a prescription for anything else. And these things are not so simple, he needs to leave enough time to explain the drug, possible side-effects etc. and also hear other problems you are experiencing. Untreated depression is very serious. Geez - it sounds like this guy is in the wrong job.If you can't wait to get a new doc from insurance you might try going straight to a hospital or walk-in clinic and explaining your situation. Hang in there. You didn't ask to feel this way and you completely DESERVE to be treated with care! Maybe try and find a different pdoc?

[1flagwriter]

Tryingtobeme,

I am in total agreement with Rohag!!!!!!!!

[tryingtobeme]

Well as of now, I am on the hunt for a new pdoc. I told the other one I was leaving and not coming back. Also I have started ending my therapy with my T. It will all be over soon. I guess that is a good thing.

IDK though. Today I have felt so left out; IRL, here at PC, group, anywhere I go, no one listens. I am the one that everyone overlooks. I could sit for hours crying and do you think anyone would notice. Nope; b/c they don't care. I guess this is the end of the line...life has completely fell apart and no one sees it.

[Elana05]

Tryingtobeme,
I hope you won't be so hard on yourself. You are in a tough place right now, having left two doctors that you don't relate with. I merely had a bad session with my T the other day and I felt like I was totally unimportant. It is so hard to be without a therapist (even a bad relationship is a relationship) - or to be in limbo looking for a new one - especially while the medication isn't helping the way you need it to. Hang in there. If you feel really down you might go over to the hospital and ask if there is a day program or someplace you can go to be around people, feel safe and feel included. I hope you feel better soon. ← you inside!