Big Decision

Today I made a big decision. I am finally listening to my family and taking some time off work on disability to focus on getting better. My husband, my parents and my sister are all applauding, they have been trying to persuade me to do this for months. I have been filled with anxiety about what it might mean for my career, my reputation, etc. Today, I finally decided that my mental health means more than all of that.

I sent my boss an email and then I cried for an hour. I'm not sure why...I just cried and cried and cried. Then I sat on the couch all day and watched movies. Now I feel relieved with my decision.

Saturday, I am meeting a new T - haven't had any luck so far connecting with anyone I've tried but this one comes as a referral from someone I really trust and I've been on a waiting list so fingers crossed. I need help with my meds. I am on Cipralex (Lexapro) but it's not working. It's been 5 months and I still feel like crap. The sexual side effects are terrible but my husband has been wonderful about it. Hopefully without work I can now focus on me and getting better. I just want to feel good.

Just needed to get that off my chest...thanks for listening.

feddy,

Your post warms my heart and really encourages me! Don't ya just love to sit on the couch and watch movies? No shower, not going anywhere...who cares, right?

I've been there. My wife and kids are awesome too. Also, I'm on Lexapro - which is working, but not like it used to. I've been on it for years and probably won't be off for the foreseeeable future. The sexual side effects are awful for me too.

I really hope you do well with your new T...a good one is hard to come by these days.

Good luck!

Searching for a good T is the hardest thing because I keep having to start from scratch. I tell my story (this is my 2nd round with depression) and cry and cry in the doctor's chair and then find out that it isn't working anyhow and I have to start over again. I am looking for someone to help me with coping strategies...when I asked my last T for advice on how to cope with a difficult boss and really tough circumstances at work, her BRILLIANT advice was "Keep your chin up." Literally. That's what she said to me. LOLOLOLOL Really???!!!??? How much do you get paid an hour to give me that gem? Then she told me it sounded like I was doing fine and to check in with her in another month or two. Needless to say, our relationship ended there.

I find that today, I am struggling. It is my second day officially off of work and I am so emotional, more than I have been for a while. Is that normal? This morning I opened up the dishwasher and found that there was no more room and we forgot to turn it on before bed and there were dishes in the sink that wouldn't fit and it caused me to start bawling and I just couldn't stop. Who cries over a damn dishwasher? And really, I know it's not the dishwasher, it's my messed up brain chemistry, but come on!!! I'm so sick and tired of feeling this way. Today is a bad day. And on top of everything, I have a migraine, which is pretty much par for the course when I feel this way. So, my agenda for the day so far has looked pretty much like yesterday...on the couch, watching tv in pjs.

So...focus on the good. It's my mother's birthday and my family is getting together tonight. I have three awesome sisters and a wonderful brother-in-law and we will all hang out tonight together at my parents. Everyone knows my situation and my decision about work and they are all so happy and supportive. So tonight will be good. I just need to get through four more hours till hubby gets home and we go to my parent's house. I will shower, run some errands, stay busy, surf the net, watch tv. Good plan, I think.

Man, this was quite the rant. But I do feel better.

Feddy

Good luck, Feddy.

Feddy,
Sounds like you have a lot of supportive people around you. That will really help you get better. I like that you are interested in learning new coping strategies besides just taking medication. I hope you find a good T real soon.

How are you doing today, feddy?