[turquoisesea]

My muscles feel like lead, my head feels headachy already. I know it's not sickness - THIS is depression. It feels harder to move, harder to think, harder to breathe.

I still don't know what to do, I feel like I've made a huge mistake 6 years ago... and I've spent 6 years on something I shouldn't have. That in Junior year of high school someone told me "choose" so I did, but I wasn't ready to yet, and by Senior year of high school I was already doubting it...

[perpetuallysad]

I'm so sorry you are going through this regret. I haven't read the whole other thread, so someone may have suggested this. Do you think your parents would help you through a different degree program at a different school? Is there something supplementary you could do with your degree (like the addition of another degree or minor) to make you more open to other job areas?

[Naturefreak]

Turquoisesea
I'm right here taking deep breaths with you . Big hug

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by perpetuallysad

I'm so sorry you are going through this regret. I haven't read the whole other thread, so someone may have suggested this. Do you think your parents would help you through a different degree program at a different school? Is there something supplementary you could do with your degree (like the addition of another degree or minor) to make you more open to other job areas?

I'm looking into that actually. My parents are visiting tomorrow and I'm going to break all this to them. Where I go to school , the music school is a subset (and seperate campus) of a larger university. So I've thought about minoring at that school - it would be very hard at this point but I'm considering it to try to get into a better grad school (though I don't have money for it). I've also looked up some information and it might be possible to double major at that school instead - the credits I have over here might transfer to make almost a complete major over there, as long as I took another major.

Thoughts, confusion.

Hope you figure out a satisfactory solution to this dilemma, turquoisesea.

[turquoisesea]

Thank you everyone
Today's been really hard. I am on the verge of tears yet again, tears in my eyes insides feeling like they're being wrenched out. I'm scared, and confused.

I'm realizing what I REALLY want is a do-over button. I want to start a 4 year degree again, have 4 years to figure out what I want to do, but at a GOOD school not a community school so I don't know how I can do that... will be talking with parents soon and sent a letter to my cello teacher

It's a BEAUTIFUL day outside, and I want to enjoy it but I only have 2 friends (including my boyfriend) so might try to do something alone...

[justfloating]

(((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))

I know what you mean about wanting a repeat button. If I could start over, I'd do EVERYTHING differently. I don't think it's right or fair to ask anyone to decide their careers at or before the age of 18. I wish school programs could be broader than they are, in order to give students some wiggle room, but a lot of the time you get streamed into a field and that's it. It's tough. I wanted you to know you're not alone in that predicament. I'm pretty much finishing up a degree I'm only marginally interested in (because I couldn't switch into something else) in order to get into a more or less unrelated grad program I won't be able to afford but that will actually be of interest to me. Don't forget that there are TONS of scholarships and grants out there. It's tough but try not to let money be the deciding factor for your future, if you can help it.

I hope everything goes well with your parents. I know what it's like breaking the news that you want to change directions. Sorry you're feeling so down right now. Sending lots of hugs.

[Rohag]

Turquoisesea: spirit in turmoil dragging the body along with it.

Yes, I think you need to confront this storm head-on. Turn your ship into the waves and enlist everything and everyone at hand to help you make it through. You know PC is on your side.

[turquoisesea]

Thank you both - it's hard to remember about scholarships since the money will be all gone... I'm just 100% confused right now! Out of curiosity Rebecca, do you have any idea what field you want to go into next? And I know what you mean too - I would have changed what I did as early as being a junior in high school academically - and much earlier for emotional things (but those were out of my control)

Rohag - at least I know I'm not alone! Body gets dragged down SO MUCH!

Good news is that I took a nice long walk in the SUN yesterday and at least that improved my mood some.

Random question if you're still reading , anyone know how to get in on campus life ? I'm off campus and I rarely see anyone but a single friend - it's so lonely!

[1flagwriter]

Turqousesea,

May you find peace today!!!

[justfloating]

After I get my undergraduate degree in French, I'm aiming to get a Master of Fine Arts in creative writing, which has always been my true passion and which I wish I'd pursued earlier on. I'm glad I stuck with the French because it's useful to speak another language (especially since I'm Canadian so French is always good to have over there) but I have no desire to continue studying it past this degree. Once I have my MFA ... I don't know. Writing does not exactly pay the bills unless you're someone like Stephen King, but I'm thinking about maybe teaching it when I'm done that degree. I guess I'm just sort of going to cross that bridge when I come to it.

I've never had a clue what I wanted to do with my career -- that, or I've had too many ideas at once. When I graduated from high school I was SURE I was going to be a translator/interpretor and have since learned that my least favourite part of my French courses is the translation. Now, partly thanks to my depression (which doesn't tolerate me doing things I hate because I feel like I should) and partly because I'm getting older and getting new perspectives on a lot of things, I'm just going to go where my interests take me and see what happens from there. There's a real freedom that comes from allowing yourself to explore (and screw up in the course of that exploration!)

I should add that I worry about money too. I came overseas to get my undergraduate degree, which means I'm paying roughly 4x what I would normally pay in tuition alone (and then add on living/travel expenses and YIKES!). My family has managed to afford it but my parents won't be paying for any more degrees, and since I have 3 younger siblings and have managed to single-handedly wipe out the education fund for all of us, it's up to me to put the youngest two through school when their time comes (which is going to be about 4 years from now for the first one). To get my MFA I will have to rely on scholarships/student loans/working my own job. So in terms of all of the financial stress, I just wanted you to know you're not alone in that. As for all the other things, I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure you'll make the decision that's right for you.

Hello, turquoisesea. There must be a student paper that you could peruse to see what is going on if you want to get more involved with campus life.

[turquoisesea]

Thank you for this Rebecca - very helpufl to know these things. I keep thinking that degrees mean so much more than they do. I'm still worried but your words have helped. I'm sorry you're feeling a lot this way too - it's no fun! And wow to having to provide for your siblings. Just a note for you - I know overseas is more expensive but it is also such a life experience! Congrats for getting there and going there =)

Byzantine - I'll kind of check for one, there's an email that's sent with a few of the activities but maybe there's more =D