forever nothing

I'm a teenager and I'm scared because I fear that next year when I go off to college, I'll still be the depressed,bitter,anti-social, awkward loner that I am now in high school. I want the horrors to end. I want to be a different person, but I cannot escape my mind no matter where I am or what I do. I'm sick of being that creepy chick who stands in the corners of rooms alone refusing to talk with people because she's scared of real interaction. And I fear that I'll always be alone in my mind and outwardly. I'll be crying and dying each day, the fire's of Hell just a bit hotter than the last. No matter what I do I can't escape my mind. I can't run..its faster. I can't hide. At a point I even realized that even if I did go to college and get a great paying career, I won't be happy, people will still think I'm a freak, a walking pile of slow rotting flesh. I'm sorry..I don't know what i expected to get for writing this. i guess I'm a time waster too.

Somebody taught you to say those things about yourself didn't they? Shame on them! University is a lot different than highschool. You are projecting a horrible future that no one deserves. Time to envision a positive future for yourself! Sending you safe hugs.

Hi siempre--it is well known that the greatest minds of all time were loners, not unlike yourself. Great writers, Musicians, Philosophers, Painters, etc., were thought to be weirdos of their day. Van Gogh, Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde, oooothe list is endless---
they were outcasts in the society of their day---they are the great minds we read and quote and go to museums and operas to see and hear today.

Point is, once they found their niche--their true talent, they didn't care. They were happiest at their work. Creating and giving their talents to the world for all of us to see, hear, and think about today. They didn't much care what other people thought about them.

Problem with alot of us is that we think everyone is thinking about what we are thinking about, or doing, when; in fact all others care about mostly is what they, themselves are doing, or what you are thinking about them!!!

I bet you have alot of talent, and alot of great intelligent blossoming to do--College is where that is done--you are going to surprise yourself!

You won't believe what a great conversationalist you'll be because you paid attention during lecture hall! Others will seek you out for your notes!



Took me 53 years to figure out how to stop taking myself so seriously!
Nobody's really just watching you---go easy on yourself---(((((HUGS))))) theo

Hi, Siempre Nada!
Neither can I. I do better, relatively better, working with my mind rather than against it.
True. Too few people take a real interest in others. Those who do, the ones who can ignore themselves for a while and focus on someone else, they're the ones who make friends. Of course, friendships can get maintenance-intensive, but that's another subject.
Oh my stars and garters, yes!
Free of high school, you enter that stage of life where you may be best able to find your niche, your passion. Further, having a certain type of personality is not a prerequisite to finding that passion.
I don't know either, but maybe you've created a nice milestone. Take your post, print it, stick it in an envelope, seal and mark it "Do not open till end of freshman year." When that time arrives, examine what you wrote. Compare what you were and what you will have become. See what is different and what is the same. Consider the meaning of the differences and the commonalities.

May your fear and awkward feelings give way to confidence and clarity.

((((siempre nada))))

Thank you for posting. I hear you and am listening. I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. You are not worthless nor are you a timewaster. I am so glad that you reached out and that you took the risk to say what you feel. This is a time of finding yourself and even though things feel really scary, you will be okay.

College is different from High School. College gives you the chance to explore and make choices for yourself that you did not have before. You will meet people from all over and have freedoms you do not have now.

As for getting away from your mind I do hear you. Trying to listen to it can sometimes seem so hard and within that it is telling you things. You will listen and things will get clearer in time. Thank you for sharing and now that we care and are here for you.

Please keep reaching out and let us know how you are doing. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps