[garden gal]

I'm going back to work this afternoon after a depression-related medical leave. I'm a bit apprehensive about it. I'm not feeling great to start with, and my job sucks the life force out of me. I'm grateful to have a job with good health insurance, especially in this economy, but it is just not a good fit for me. I'm trying to just be in the moment and not get anxious and start dreading my shift at work before it actually happens. I'd appreciate it if people could send some good energy my way this evening...

[shaggy dog]

Good luck garden gal, I'll be rooting for you. shaggy

[Onward2wards]

I'll be rooting for you also!
I think the "being in the moment" mindset is a good one. I find that tends to reduce the risk of those "what if ... here we go again!" thinking loops that get anyone down.

(((garden gal)))))--I am sending out positive energy, and calm thoughts for you at work today-------You will make it through!!!----theo

[Elana05]

Hi Garden Gal,
If you get down, remember we are all here rooting for you.
Try to conserve your energy as much as you can and let the bad stuff roll off your back.
E

[ManicMaker]

Wow, you sound like me I'm afraid. When I feel anxious at work, I like to tell myself, "remember to breathe in slowly... and breathe out... slowly" It helps to remember that you are not your job and your job is not you.
Good energy is being sent your way.

[SophiaG]

I've skimmed back over your previous posts on PC and given it some thought. Do you think it would hurt if you began to read books about depression? I mean depression is such a devestating illness, it doesnt seem like its something to take lightly and anything and everything you can gain to try and combat it, would be most worthwhile.

[garden gal]

Thanks, everyone for your good energy. It was a truly awful shift at work... one of the worst we've ever had... but I got through it. Somehow, I was able to just do what I needed to do in the various crisis situations, and didn't end up in the bathroom crying. And now, I plan to sleep for about 10 hours.
SophiaG, I had to chuckle at your post.... I'm finishing up a master's degree in psychology, and have quite the library of books about depression. And yes, they have been helpful. It is an added challenge though, applying what I know clinically to myself. I'm much more judgmental when it is about me.

[feddy]

Garden Gal...how did you do it? How long were you off of work for? I tried to go back to work this week after a 2 1/2 month medical leave for depression and anxiety and had a massive panic attack the day before and never made it. I am (maybe) going to try again next week. I'm going to discuss it with my pdoc this afternoon. I, like you, have a job that tends to destroy me. It pays me extremely well for what I do, and has wonderful benefits but I am miserable in the environment. My boss is destructive to my emotional well being and work played a huge role in my latest depressive episode.

I would love to know how you found the strength and resolve to put yourself back into an environment that you acknowledge is a bad fit. Are there things you do to help you get through? Maybe you can help me.

Also, you made me chuckle...I also have a psych degree and I too find it so funny that even though we are so well educated and knowledgeable about our condition when it comes to applying that knowledge to ourselves we can become overly judgemental and somewhat clueless!!! LOL (Well, at least me!)

[garden gal]

I was only on medical leave for about 10 days... I could have used longer, but don't have any other income and didn't have any vacation/sick time that I could use. I'm amazed that I was able to hold it together Thursday night... we had a situation involving physical violence and a near riot among our clients. I've never had a panic attack, but felt like I was on the verge for most of Friday evening. I really, really need to find a different job. I had a second interview last week for a job that would be a much better fit, and they've been checking my references the last few days. I'm really hoping that they offer me the job next week. I get so overwhelmed at my current job and dread going to work so much that it is a major trigger for my depression. I'm leaving for work in a few minutes, and don't quite know how I am going to get through the night.

[feddy]

Good luck today Garden Gal!!! ((((Garden Gal))))

Thanks for your quick reply and I wish you all the best with your job interviews! I will keep my fingers crossed for you. I am also interviewing right now and hoping to make a change. I think that's the best thing we can do if we know our environments are toxic. Let me know how it goes.

Feddy

[jbbobj]

good luck to both of you (Garden Gal and feddy)!

same boat here, so I can completely relate - holding on to a job that's killing me so i can keep my health insurance...we live in crazy times

jb

[Lisa Michelle]

Good luck garden gal, and also feddy, with your interviews and hope you both get the new jobs you're wanting! I know how work can be toxic, my best advice is if you have a job which makes you depressed, get out. I stayed in a job for nearly 3 years once, and it was basically the worst decision of my life, wish I could turn back time and leave. But I know sometimes we NEED to work so it's not always easy. But if you have another option which would be better for you, try to take it.

Hope work is not too ****** in the meantime garden gal x

[Elana05]

Garden Gal,

How did your shift go?
Hope you hear from the other place soon...

E

[feddy]

[quote=Lisa Michelle;1393554]Good luck garden gal, and also feddy, with your interviews and hope you both get the new jobs you're wanting! I know how work can be toxic, my best advice is if you have a job which makes you depressed, get out. I stayed in a job for nearly 3 years once, and it was basically the worst decision of my life, wish I could turn back time and leave. But I know sometimes we NEED to work so it's not always easy. But if you have another option which would be better for you, try to take it.

Lisa Michelle - how did you get out? Did you quit or were you able to find another job? I am going to try and leverage of my company's short term disability program for as long as I can (I have up to 6 months) as my pdoc & doctor supports me boing off work right now, but if I don't find a job by then, I'm trying to figure out what do (it's been 2 1/2 months and this is 3rd role I'm chasing.)

Thanks!

[garden gal]

Hey everyone... sorry its taken me a while to respond. I'm still waiting to hear about the job I interviewed for... they've been calling all my references this week. I am really, really anxious about going into work at my current job today. All my union co-workers (nurses) are going out on strike today. My job is non-union, so I'll be working with a bunch of traveling nurses and managers acting as floor nurses. I'm worried that the managers will be super critical and also suggest all kinds of "process improvements" that will make our lives miserable. The traveling nurses won't know where anything is or anything about our program. I know, I'm thinking catastrophically, and this kind of thought pattern contributes to depression. But, I'm having a hard time seeing this going particularly well today. I was so anxious at work yesterday that my hands were shaking.

[ifeeltheweight]

New job is your best bet. Put all your positive energy into it. I'm in the same position as you. On leave now and dreading the day I have to go back to work.
I'm fortunate to have a wife that decided to go back to work so I could take time off. Just hang in there and a new job will happen soon.

[MoonTurtle]

Originally Posted by Lisa Michelle

Good luck garden gal, and also feddy, with your interviews and hope you both get the new jobs you're wanting! I know how work can be toxic, my best advice is if you have a job which makes you depressed, get out. I stayed in a job for nearly 3 years once, and it was basically the worst decision of my life, wish I could turn back time and leave. But I know sometimes we NEED to work so it's not always easy. But if you have another option which would be better for you, try to take it.

Hope work is not too ****** in the meantime garden gal x

That's where I'm at. My job makes me depressed/stressed, but I need to work, and I feel stuck because I'm not really qualified for anything else. I am slowly taking classes at the community college though, hoping that eventually I can get into a job that's a better fit for me. I just hope I can make it that long.

[Lisa Michelle]

Originally Posted by feddy

Lisa Michelle - how did you get out? Did you quit or were you able to find another job? I am going to try and leverage of my company's short term disability program for as long as I can (I have up to 6 months) as my pdoc & doctor supports me boing off work right now, but if I don't find a job by then, I'm trying to figure out what do (it's been 2 1/2 months and this is 3rd role I'm chasing.)

Thanks!

Actually, I was "lucky" because this was when I was 16-19, so I was living at home. I was studying a qualification, which was linked to the job and I felt like I "had to" stay in the job and complete the qualification, but I know now I should have left way before that, I would have found something else, something would have come up (and I've not used that qualification for anything, it was pointless really). But I do also think everything happens for a reason.

So, I just quit the job in the end, when I finished the qualifcation, and I didn't do anything for a few months then decided to go to college/uni (but then I quit after 2 years, doh!).

Good luck to all who are saying they want to quit their job. I hope you all find the opportunity to do so. Jobs can take up the majority of our time, and I think if you're miserable at work it is really such a shame and if you CAN do something where you're not miserable then obviously that's something to look into. Currently I'm jobless, trying to get over the anxiety so I can enter a job and NOT be miserable. We shall see

[feddy]

So I am back after a short break and I didn't get the job. But, my world didn't come crashing in and I have to tell you, I am okay. And to top it off, my pdoc decided it's time for me to go back to work (my current job.) My employer decided it's time to engage the company doctor and since my depression has gotten so much better, my pdoc told me that there is really no longer any real reason I can't work (he's right) and that he won't lie for me (nor should he), therefore I have to go back. Right now, the last thing I am dealing with is my anxiety. It is definitely tied most strongly to work and I think that's another reason he's pushing me back. He has been very candid that he wants me to stop avoiding it.

Garden Gal, like you, I tend to think catastrophically about things and that leads to massive anxiety. I am worried that if I go back all these bad things are going to happen (they are all completely ridiculous, but in my head in the moments I'm thinking about them, they make such perfect sense!) I actually tried to go back last week and had a massive panic attack the day before. I just have to find a way to get through the door and I know I will be okay. It will all get easier once I finally get there.

And in the meantime, I will keep looking for a job. At least my phone is ringing - headhunters are calling so I am pretty optimistic that something will come my way soon. I kind of believe in fate and karma and all that stuff, so part of me thinks that I have to return to work before I can get a new job. Something out there wants me to face this and learn to cope with it before I am meant to start something new. Maybe I have to learn I'm strong enough? Maybe I'm just too spiritual and I sound crazy. Is there a forum for that (kidding....)

Anyhow, good luck Garden Girl to you and to me and to all the rest of you stuck in the same kind of situation. I totally empathize.

Feddy