[garden gal]

I have some positive things happening in my life right now: my medical leave got approved, I got a call about a second interview for a job I really want, I got back together with my boyfriend, and I'm going camping this weekend with my best friends in the entire world. Why do I still feel like dog snot? I feel like someone took a vacuum cleaner and sucked all the energy and joy right out of me. This depression stuff is so frustrating and so illogical sometimes.

[shaggy dog]

Wow garden gal you really nailed when you called this illness illogical. It seems like anytime, anywhere, and no matter how fun the occasion it can strike without warning. I implore you though to enjoy your weekend. I know you'll share laughs and a good experience with your friends and I hope you can come back refreshed and rejuvenated. I'm really jealous. You deserve a great time and I hope you get it. shaggy

[brephi]

Congrats, Garden Gal on finally getting your medical leave. Have a good weekend. You deserve it.

[Elana05]

Hi Garden Gal,

Illogical is a great word for it - I know just what you mean. I have tried to explain it to people (like my mom) by saying it feels like someone has just delivered some terrible news to you, told you something awful and sad - but no one has (necessarliy). All I can say is, try to be gentle with yourself. Do the best you can on your trip. Maybe try to explain a bit about how you are feeling to your friends, as well as how you are getting help. I just came back from a trip too. There were times I had to say "You guys go ahead, I'm just going to rest a little." Also, I asked my T if I could call her half way through just to let her know how I was... Sometimes I just feel better leaving a long rambling message on her machine. Hang in there Gal, keep doing the best you can to care for yourself.

[turquoisesea]

well said, I'm sorry you still feel so horrible. I don't know you so sorry if this has already been asked, but are you going to a therapist, and have you gone through possible physical causes with a doctor? I always like to check as these are important steps.

[SophiaG]

When I have a chemical imbalance in my serotonin, instead of situational depresion, I find that it helps me to get a fulll nights sleep. Something about getting a full nights sleep helps to restore the chemicals in my brain and makes me feel better. You should try it, it might help.

[garden gal]

Thanks, everyone for your thoughts. Turquoise Sea-- yes, I am seeing a therapist and psychiatrist... I've seen them both this week.

I had a reasonably good camping trip... had some fun with my friends, and also had waves of feeling absolutely awful. My second interview went well, and I feel like I have a decent chance of getting this job that I want. I've gotten to spend quite a bit of time working in my vegetable garden the last few days, which I enjoy. But, I'm still feeling really low right now. My therapist told me yesterday that I had a "bad attitude toward my depression." I think what he meant is that hating the depression doesn't help, but gets me hooked further into it... resenting being depressed makes me more depressed. I've done some work with mindfulness practice in the past, which has been really helpful, but I'm having a really hard time using those skills this time around. I feel like, at this moment, I don't know how not to hate having this experience. I'd appreciate hearing any thoughts people have about this.
Garden Gal

[Skully]

I hope your trip goes ok. Maybe talk to your doctor about medication if you are not already taking something. If you are, maybe a change is in order. I hope your mood improves soon and you can take joy in life once again.