[Elana05]

Feeling really down.

What else can I do? I use my little bit of energy to take care of the house, laundry, cleaning, picking up some groceries. What is left over goes to art.

I know I should just go get some job. At least earn something. I get so angry at myself for not working. But when I look online or think about going into a shop to see if they need help I just... can't do it. I feel so exhausted today. What is it about depression and tiredness?

I really fear the rejection of the place saying they're not hiring. I know this says nothing about me as a person, still it makes everything feel pointless, hopeless. But then the idea of starting something new makes me feel so worn out.

I'm never going to have the energy. This is just one monday in many. Sometimes I have this weird wish that I could just be the one who takes care of our home - and then have a little time to paint. However, my partner can't support us both. I just don't know how to make money. I used to do it. The most I ever made (24K/yr) was when I worked as a registrar for a community center. It felt so off. Like it wasn't me. I feel like I go together with money like oil goes with water. I don't overspend. I just don't understand how to earn it without feeling horrible.

Sorry for my rambling post.

E

[garden gal]

Elana05,
Sorry to hear that you're feeling down today. I don't have any easy answers, but I'm thinking of you. I hope you can do something kind for yourself this afternoon.
Garden Gal

[Elana05]

Thanks Garden Gal,

I kinda wish I hadn't posted this.
I feel like I'm doing some whining.
I think a lot of it may be due to PMS (sorry guys). I feel SO awful with it. It's like depression X4. But I don't know when it will strike with force. So it's hard to know what is usual depression and what is made that much worse by PMS. I only say this because I feel so inordinately weak and tired today. Anything would seem overwhelming...

[splitz]

Thank you for posting this Elana.
I seem to be the exact opposite to you, I can just about drag myself to work (mainly because no work = no money) but it takes me an amount of days to find the energy to do anything around the house (other than look after the animals).
Not whining at all, just telling it how it is.

[SophiaG]

You have to risk rejection in order to be accepted. Of course your probably already know this. =)

[Lisa Michelle]

Right now you don't feel so good, I don't think you should be focussing on getting a job, but on getting well. Eventually you can work up to finding a job, but I don't think you're quite there right now, and that's ok. I think you'd probably feel better if you weren't panicking about what job you're going to do and how you're going to manage it... but focus on each day as it comes, until you're able to get through the day ok.

Perhaps you could explore what type of job you would enjoy, but without any pressure that you have to go do it right now. Unless you do need the money right now, but perhaps you don't?

Could you sell your art?
I can relate a lot to what you say because I'm panicking myself over not being well enough to work but not feeling like I EVER will be, but I do think it has to be one day at a time. I'm extremely anxious about work so I do need to ignore it for now and work on SMALLER steps first, because even going to the shop right now is difficult, surely getting a job comes after being able to go in a shop.

Perhaps work on the smaller things which you can do right now, little acomplishments you can make for now (it can be a challenge but nothing you can't handle) and work your way up to being able to work. It'd be easier if you found something you might enjoy to do (but don't ask me how that is possible lol).

Well, it's tuesday now so I hope you feel better than on monday!!

[Elana05]

SophiaG,
"You have to risk rejection in order to be accepted." I want to keep repeating this and figure out what part causes me to short circuit.
I think maybe it's the part where the rejection causes me to shut down... But this is a very good point. So often my T tries to explain that rejection is not personal, just a stepping stone to success. I think I had too many personal/family issues with rejection in the past. Will keep working on it.

Originally Posted by Lisa Michelle

Right now you don't feel so good, I don't think you should be focussing on getting a job, but on getting well. Eventually you can work up to finding a job, but I don't think you're quite there right now, and that's ok. I think you'd probably feel better if you weren't panicking about what job you're going to do and how you're going to manage it... but focus on each day as it comes, until you're able to get through the day ok.

Perhaps you could explore what type of job you would enjoy, but without any pressure that you have to go do it right now. Unless you do need the money right now, but perhaps you don't?

Could you sell your art?
I can relate a lot to what you say because I'm panicking myself over not being well enough to work but not feeling like I EVER will be, but I do think it has to be one day at a time. I'm extremely anxious about work so I do need to ignore it for now and work on SMALLER steps first, because even going to the shop right now is difficult, surely getting a job comes after being able to go in a shop.

Perhaps work on the smaller things which you can do right now, little acomplishments you can make for now (it can be a challenge but nothing you can't handle) and work your way up to being able to work. It'd be easier if you found something you might enjoy to do (but don't ask me how that is possible lol).

Well, it's tuesday now so I hope you feel better than on monday!!

Thanks Lisa Michelle,
Yes. Focus on the small things. I think I may have no choice. Sometimes it feels like it's going soooo slowly!!! But thank you.

E