[jmo531]

So it has been a little while since I have posted. As most of you know, I have alot going on in my personal life.

With the move, my anxiety and depression, my ex hubby, leaving my family and friends and starting a whole new chapter in my life.

When I went to visit my mom the other day we were sitting on the porch talking about the move and various things and she took a long pause and said "It seems like I am losing all my family". My mother lost her brother early last year and then her mother past late last year and now that I am moving I guess my mother is feeling alone. This is breaking my heart. I can not explain the feelings running through me. I love her with every fiber of my being and I dont want her to feel like she is alone....ever. I feel like I have been my mothers protector for the last few years and now that I wont be here, I am afraid. I know she has my step-father and little brother and sister. But I wont be here for her and I am so sad that it is making me sick. I cant explain it any other way then that.

I have spent the better part of the last week trying to reconnect with my family. I have been feeling like an outsider. I guess its my anxiety and depression getting the better of me. I think I have been doing pretty well reconnecting with the kids and hubby. We have been so busy though, sometimes I cant even remember the day of the week.

So my x comes crawling out of the woodwork after 7.5 years and hires a lawyer to seek out visitation, all this 1.5 weeks before we are leaving for TX. We have been in the same area for the last 7.5 years, he didnt give a damn then if he saw the kids or not. Now, he decides to do this. I am angry at him because he keeps coming back to haunt me. Just when I thought I was free from his grips, this comes up.

I spent years fearing him, hating him and cursing him. I thought I was able to get past those feelings but now its like its all back again. He made me suffer in ways I can not explain and I will be damned if i will let him do that to my girls. I will stand up and fight this. My lawyer says there she doesnt think there will be much of a fight. She is researching some things and will be calling me next week. I have layed down log enough and let him walk all over me, but I will no longer be his victim. I have my wonderful hubby on my side and together we will stand strong against him.

I guess that is a small part of how I am feeling these days. So much happening and so fast. I am trying to take things slow and easy. PDoc has helped me out with my Ativan so I am getting through it.

Thanks for listening. It feels good to release a little bit of it anyway.

(((((((((JEN)))))))))))

You definately do have allot going on in your personal life. Wow. Please take some peaceful time for yourself. Get out of the house and walk by a lake. Take care of yourself. I'm praying for you!

[Hope4me2]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{[Jen}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
thinking about you and please take some time for yourself