[Valis]

Well, this is my first post here. I read alot of others posts, and tried to take in alot to keep from being redundant in what I have to say.

This is my first true mental effort in trying to reach out and get some help. I guess I refrain from all the bitter details (I feel even more awful just thinking about my position in life) and get to the point of: how exactly to you break it to your family that you want to seek some therapy.

Its extremely hard considering that I know they are/were part of the problem for the self destructive way I am today. Its so hard knowing that in order for me to make this step I need thier support, yet every time I try to bring up the issue they immeadately brush it off to the side. Its even more depressing when you don't even have family to run to.

Well, enough whining ...I guess what I want to know is have any of you guys out there had the same problems with tell your family you need help? If so how do you get past that wall...

In general how make someone who is part of the problem listen when they seem to not want to?

Thanks for your time and reading this...took a bit of thinking and rewriting in how I wanted to say this.

Hi Valis,

And may I welcome you to the forums,

From looking at you bio, it looks as though you are an intellegent person, as you are in college etc. And
being in college is a step towards your independence.

This 'may' be the time in your life that you may have to start breaking away from the person, or persons who have caused your pain. You see, you will probably never change 'their' ways, and 'their' ways of thinking, but, You can change your way of thinking and your own life. Does that make sence?
Perhaps you can look at this as going to a doctor for lets say having a sprained ankle. You might not tell everyone about your ankle, and or how you sprained it, and you can seek medical attention on your own.
Same as with seeking a Therapist, only a different part of your body is effected. Your T will, or should be able to guide you in the right step, and maybe he or she will actually suggest you not mention anything to any family members until you are further along in your treatment.
Sincerely, and I wish you the best,

SongBird

[Valis]

Thank you Ozzie and Songbird. What you say Song bird rings true. Yes, there will be a point where I just have to "break" away and take my own goals into my own hands. I guess its mostly I'm afraid that if I do that, it will just be another step to distancing myself from the family...its bad enough it seems like I have to blow a fog horn to get thier attention, I can only imagine what will happen if they tossing my dimes and Nickels at an therapist.

But on the other hand Songbird, I know it has to be eventually done.

I always wondered why the pople who are closest to you, sometimes shun you when a big problem arises?

I guess just another one of "life's mysteries" eh?

[Myzen]

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Valis said:
I always wondered why the pople who are closest to you, sometimes shun you when a big problem arises?

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Hi Valis,

So many of us at PC have had to struggle with this.

The issue is denial. When something is too big for people to deal with, they often try to deny it. If this something is a child or partner who is beginning to see a destructive dynamic within a family, then I think the denial is very hard to break. People are afraid of being blamed.

I remember asking my mother if there had been any mental illness in our family. She said something vague about a distant aunt. I couldn't get any more from her, despite the obvious fact that my father had a massive collection of tranquilisers hidden in his cupboard, wouldn't let anyone but family or his doctor come near the house, couldn't travel on a bus or a train - the list goes on. He was a deeply depressed person. My mother wouldn't even use the d. word. None of the family would.

I think therapists call it, 'The elephant in the room'.

Some of us have to set out on a long journey of self discovery, and in my experience those people who are part of the problem will cling to denial as if denial were life itself.
If that happens for us, then we have to make the journey alone, or with others who understand. It is a hard road, but the alternative is just not viable. That is my view. We have to get healthy in whatever way we can.

The personal breakthrough is when we can get some validation from elsewhere and start letting go of the dynamics that have hurt us so badly.

I would say, go to a therapist and be honest about the situation, and share with us here; there are so many who know how you are feeling.

Good thoughts, Myzen

Myzen,

Very well said,

SongBird

[Valis]

I like that a lot Myzen, puts things in perspective. It feels good to write these things down!

Letting go of those dynamics is probably one of the hardest things anyone can do...I guess especially when the problem isn't anything you can visibly see.

I'm just starting to look into therapy now, and this forum here has alot of good tips, but alot of the task seems so huge, like there is so much red tape in the way that it seems like you can never get through to "the finish line."

Family also has a way of making you doubt yourself, whethe you really have a problem with depression or not. In the past when I have mentioned it to my family, I often got responses that, "depression is a temporary thing, you'll get over it"

The one I love the most is, "your imagining things"

I think those sayings and the like has really got me to the point where I'm constantly evaluating myself...asking if all of these things are just "in my head" and will go away if I wait it out...or if its a problem that will keep getting worse if I wait.

For the past four years I think it has just got worse. But of course, I think my family has gotten it stuck in my head that if I just wade through it, it will all go away. Its the most fustrating thing to doubt your own sanity for years...it feels absolutely awful I hope you know how I feel when I say that.

Either way thank you all for the advice, today I felt absolutely horrible...like being wake was the biggest task in the universe(not something new for me though).

I still feel out of loop, but you guys advice but some things in perspective inwhich I needed.

[Hope4me2]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{[Valis}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
welcome to the forums glad you found us

[silver_queen]

Hi Valis and welcome to the forums!

I too have depression and my family know nothing of it because of their reaction last time. I agree that what family tells us is very important because it can help our own acceptance of our condition. If our diagnosis of depression is met with disbelief and denial amongst family members, it's bound to hamper our own acceptance. To be told that you're over reacting to things, thinking too negatively, etc etc, can just increase self-doubt and self-denial. I go from one day believing that I do have depression and that it is affecting my life, to other days telling myself that I'm just lazy and it's all in my mind and that I'm making it up and that there is nothing wrong with me really. No doubt if I knew my diagnosis would be met with understanding from my family rather than being told to pull myself together, it would be easier for both myself and my family to accept my depression and deal with it. Instead, I hide it and pretend I'm ok.

I'm glad your family is accepting of you looking for therapy. That should help you enormously, and might help them deal with your depression if it is validated by somebody professional. Perhaps you should suggest they too go into therapy ...

[Fuzzybear]

[BlueFaith]

Hi Valis. My family is MUCH like yours. They know I see a psychiatrist every month for medication, but they still refuse to accept the fact that I DO have a real illness. I guess they think I am doing it for attention or something. My mother literally rolls her eyes when she hears the word "bipolar". She thinks it's a joke. I just started getting help for my bipolar disorder a few months ago. I was in denial because my mother is in denial. It made me feel like she didn't care. But I eventually just decided that if I wanted to LIVE I'd have to get some professional help. It's not easy at all to make that decision. It takes alot of courage to make that first appointment. I know you can do it though!! Take care!
-Jen-