[Cherrios]

I don't know if depression is making me feel bad, but I continue to try to make my life what it was before a car accident I was in a long time ago. A total allusion, but I have so much HOPE that anything is possible....right?

I really do have a GREAT life. I love my parents and I make the most of every moment, but I feel like something is missing and I am not REALLY happy.

When I do physical activities I am never satisfied with my ability to complete the task. So as a result I get hurt a lot when I push myself to new limits, and this does not help me with physical therapy when I get a lecture about how my legs do not need to be re-injured. Although, every time I hear this lecture I get angry because if I can't be as physically active as I am now when I am...say 30...what is the point of me being here. On some level I know this wrong....but I feel that some other person could have been saved and they could have done a much better job of fulfilling their purpose in life and appreciating their gift.

K

[Rohag]

Hi, Cherrios!

Originally Posted by Cherrios

I don't know if depression is making me feel bad, but I continue to try to make my life what it was before a car accident I was in a long time ago.

Whether or not depression is making you feel bad, you suffered a significant life trauma, and the effects of that trauma were not limited to the physical. Is it possible for you to take your frustrations and feelings to a trusted individual -- family, friend or professional?

Oh, only if you wish to share, what does it mean for you to "complete the task?"

All the best!

[Cherrios]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hi, Cherrios!

Whether or not depression is making you feel bad, you suffered a significant life trauma, and the effects of that trauma were not limited to the physical. Is it possible for you to take your frustrations and feelings to a trusted individual -- family, friend or professional?

Oh, only if you wish to share, what does it mean for you to "complete the task?"

All the best!

Hi Rohag,

Thanks for your response.

Totally agree that I have more than physical complications.....I guess since I have concentrated on my education, and been very busy...with grad school, I have not really stopped to look at how my accident has affected me in other ways than the physical (the most apparent). And since my mom always tells people how well I am doing, I feel I have to put on a happy face and be this miracle that people imagine from my mom's stories. I love my family, but I don't want to make them upset about my accident, which is a touchy issue anyway, and I don't want them to get worried.

I am actually seeing a therapist, but I have a very hard time telling her the truth to her face. Also, I have spoken with a Life Coach over the phone, and I am much more reluctant to voice the hard stuff since we have not met. But the Life Coach has been MIA for a while, so I have not really tried to contact this individual other than email. And since I have been away from the state I call home for the whole summer, I have not been able to meet with the therapist I have seen. I thought that PC would be a good place to discuss things, and since I do have a difficult time talking to someone face-to-face with these issues...I thought this is perfect. So as of right now, I feel that I do not have a trusted individual to voice my frustations and feelings to.

And, what I meant by "complete the task" is whatever obstacle is in my way, physcially. For instance, a 5K or lifting a particular weight. I really push myself more physcially than anything else, and I expect to see results....meaning results that I could have seen if my accident had not happened. Also, I consider my family very competitive, so I want to raise to the occasion to represent my family.

Cherrios

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello cherrios,

Agree with Rohag. But also you need to get out of the "no point being here" mentality It is ok to be the best you can be phsyically, but to try and go past that you will undo ALL of the good work yo have achieved up to now. If you are stuck with an illusion you must modify that to an achievable aim that supports your current level of mobility and be very thankful that you have a life to live,

Rhiannon

[Cherrios]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

Hello cherrios,

Agree with Rohag. But also you need to get out of the "no point being here" mentality It is ok to be the best you can be phsyically, but to try and go past that you will undo ALL of the good work yo have achieved up to now. If you are stuck with an illusion you must modify that to an achievable aim that supports your current level of mobility and be very thankful that you have a life to live,

Rhiannon

Hi Rhiannonsmoon

I do agree. But doing something and saying something are completely different things. I want to be happy with what I have been given, but I can't....I am so MAD that I would push myself to do anything to reach this fantasy of getting back to my life before my accident. And when I see improvements with every physical therapy visit or surgery I feel that sometimes it is possible to believe in this fantasy. Although, when a doctor tells me something that makes me upset, like "Don't do this...". I go from a complete high of optimisim to an ABSOLUTE low. This "high to low" behavior happens a lot, but I can't let go of this fantasy yet because if I did the illusion of what my life was would be totally gone. I am totally messed up.....this is why other people should have been saved than me. I am not satisfied....and although this suits me, I know it is wrong to feel this. I trully don't know what to do.

Cherrios