[tryingtobeme]

Does anyone else have this problem? It seems like when I call my friends IRL and try to get together to do something they always are too busy for me. Maybe I am just that bad person that my father always said I was. I'm beginning to believe that he is right, that no one will love me and want me. It's not like I call that often to go and do things. Most of my friends I talk to at least once a week. It's mutual, they call me, I call them, it's always a 2 way street. But when I call to actually get together to do something fun, I am always turned down. Always.

I'm beginning to think that my friends will talk over the phone but never really want me. They never really want to be with me, and well...maybe they are all just blowing smoke up my butt and pretending to be my friends.

I think it's time I leave and go back to my hole and just leave everyone else alone. At least there I will be safe and no one can hurt me anymore. Sounds like a good idea. I'm not worth anything anyways.

[Ygrec23]

Hello, Trying!

About calling your friends and being turned down. It's a good subject. I don't know how many of us realize (before T's teach us how to realize) that without even saying anything all of us radiate information to other people. I used to have the same problem you complain about: people rejected me, didn't want to be my friend, wouldn't agree to go do anything with me. And then I found out that I was a "needy" person. A person who (unconsciously) was trying to latch on to others for support and help. Well, the fact is that other than here on PC, that kind of message is not well received. People don't want to be around "needy" people. It's a burden to them. They want to be with people who contribute something to group enjoyment. Can you change this? Absolutely. I've done so, and so have many others. If you can confine your neediness to PC, you can learn how not to be needy to your IRL friends. And based on what you say (though I'm no professional by any means), that's the problem. You CAN overcome this. And it does NOT take a long time. It would be better if you did it with a therapist (a T), since it will take quite a bit longer just by yourself. But don't be downhearted, you can and will reverse the situation and be the life of the party! Take care.

[tryingtobeme]

Thanks Ygrec23. I appericate your input. However, I used to be that needy person IRL. I used to only call or see my friends when I was needy. Now for about 6 months or so, I have had it well under control. I talk to my friends over the phone about every day life stuff now. I don't burden them with all my issues and my needyness is confined to here or my T for the most part.

Now every now and then we all slide a little and need a little extra help. That is not what I am going for. I am going for friends, just to be friends, hang out not talk about serious stuff....you know...just be normal.

So I don't understand why I am still shut out by these people. Someone of these people have never seen me in crisi mode and don't even know all the struggles I go through. At least 1/2 of them think I live a very normal life, not one that is filled with all the BPD issues.

I understand what you are saying, but I don't feel I am that person anymore that needs friends to help keep me afloat. My T and I have worked very hard on that and have made wonderful progress. I just want to go and do everyday stuff with friends like they would do with others,.

[Rohag]

G'day, Tryingtobeme! Have you any activity in your life so intrinsically meaningful and enjoyable you don't care whether or not friends participate? I ask this because, sometimes, the best friends are found when you're not looking for them.

[Naturefreak]

(((Tryingtobeme))))
Only friends I have are right here

[REINE D AMOUR]

we are your freinds,we are always here for you

[Perna]

Originally Posted by tryingtobeme

It's not like I call that often to go and do things.

That could be the problem! If you only call once a year, and you get turned down that's 100% turn down. If you call twice a week for a month and "only" have 3 get-togethers, that's almost 50% success and it's only in one month; that would be 36 get-togethers a year!

Call until you get what you want, people are busy. I'm retired so don't work, can get up and go/do/be anywhere at anytime. It's hard to get together with others though because they have complicated schedules and other needs and interests. Try not to take it personally.