why me?

Whats going on with me, i have been so good, no down spells no crying spells nothing. i have been happy. Yesterday I woke up feeling worthless and sad. I had no energy and when i got to work my coworkers even noticed the difference in my personality. I was grumpy and mad and felt like the world sucks. I took longer to do my work cause these stupid thoughts kept going through my head. Now today i woke up cheerful and excited for work. I did great. Then as the day progressed on i started getting less happy and less energetic. Now i feel like i could just go to sleep and never wake up. I have not missed any doses. Right now i am thinking what a waste of time this life i lead is. I just want to curl up and Die. I have no clue why i feel this way. I think about how i am actually liked at work and how great its going there and i wonder why i feel this way? why? I have everything going for me, even the lights stay green for me on the road. My car is not acting bad, my pets are healthy, i just got paid, and went to the fair with my new friends. what is there to be sad about. seriously this is frustrating. I wish this would end. I wish this demon called depression would just leave me alone. Why was I cursed with this demon. Why? What did i do? Im jsut so down. Good thing im too tired to do anything else. I think about hurting myself but the urge is gone and frankly i dont think i could get the urge to do it. I mean i been cut free for one month why end it.

This is just sooooo not fair. Sorry for this long post i just need to vent.

I don't wish to appear to minimize what you are going through... ((((hugs)))) but something like this COULD be hypoglycemia... or pre diabetes... or even food or mold allergy... have you checked for this? It just sounds like it, to me.

(((((((((((((((Black))))))))))))))))))

First I wanted to say welcome because I dont think I have ever met you before here. I know that your not a "newbie" but I havent seen you around so...Hello.

I know what you mean about "Why was I cursed with this demon called Depression?". Its a hard thing to deal with at times. Taking medications on a daily basis and always being aware of your thoughts, feelings and stuff can get very overwhelming. Being so "aware" can drive a person Batty (excuse the pun). Sometimes people DX'd with depression are allowed to have a down day. Even those people who I will call the "normal ones" have down days. The thing is, we with depression will not accept it as just a down day. We read more into it then that. I think once we can truely come to terms that depression is a part of us and accept that there will be times when we will be "up" and there will be times when we will be "down".

Please try not to be so hard on yourself. You may want to start writing down some positives so you can refer back to them for re-assurance when needed. Just try to relax a little. Try not to search every corner of your brain to look for an explanation for your mood. Just know that you are in control of it. IT is NOT in control of you.

I dont know if your seeing a therapist or not, but you may want to give him or her a call if you think that may help you. Also, keep posting here. Vent as much as you want or need. We are here to help you in anyway we can.

I hope the new day finds you well. Take care and please keep us posted.

Jen

Bearhugs if ok ((((((((((((((((((((Black))))))))))))))))))))

((BLACKDRAGON))
I know...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Blackdragon}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

thank you everyone. I am much better today than i was when i wrote the post. to let you know i did not give in to the urge to cut. SO yay.

That is GREAT news Black Dragon....WTG
so proud of you and good to hear your feeling better