[LadyDragus]

I just wanted to let all those who I am helping right now my wings are kinda borken down ok,,
I am trying to keep my flying high above you all a go but I am not sure I can keep it up much longer.

My stress levels wtih my life are getting to me once again. It is not my reltionship this time it is my own insecutries about me and about what I need to do as a mom as a person..

I am having a real tough time right now.
I have been having my "nightmares" again, and I am going to tell my T when I go to him on the 26 of this month I know that is a long ways off for me.. but I have to struggle thourgh the first week of classes and I also have to struggle through some very hard decsions I finally made it into a good group at school I am an SGA Sentor (Student govermtent for thosse who do not know the shorcut)
and I may not be able to stay in this club, because of all the stress of doing all the committes I need too.. and this is tearing me apart to no end.. WHich just bring my depesssion up to the surface even more.. which make me want to curel up and not want to even start school back on monday..

I want to succed in life, but all of these dark thougths keep bringing me down and this time I just can not seem to shake them.. I do not know how to shake them this time.. I really have talked till I am blue in the face with my honey but all he says to do is quit but then I will see myself as a fiauler once agian.. and I can not live with that agiain..
What do I do.. why do i alway mess up in my life why do i feel so worthelss all the time.. Why do i keep scwering others lives up because I am so depessesd all the time..

[Overcastbutclearing]

Crap Lady...I am sorry.
I know if I told you I feel like I am partly to blame you said "no, nothing to do with you"....but you cannot make me feel differently.
I just want you to know that maybe if all of us going thru the "black slime of life" could band together maybe we can use an amazing force to lift us all out.
((Lady Dragus)) ((Fuzzybear)) ((Psyclox))) ((anyone else feeling this badly)))

[LadyDragus]

no sugar it has noghting to do with yo..

this has been budlign and growing over the last few months.. trust me.. I have posted a few other small post here and there.. but nothing big like this one..

THis one just is a bigger update and one that I think all should know so if I disapper for a few days no one will worry.. Cause sometiems I do that when I get really "scared" i sometiems crawl into a big bed and stay there fora few days..

[Overcastbutclearing]

(((((((((((LADYDRAGUS)))))))))
I can honestly say if you disappear for a few days I will be screwed!!! So, please do not go anywhere...I need you!

[bebop]

It sounds to me like you have a very full plate right now. Being too busy to have time for yourself sometimes makes it worse. You can succeed without being so busy. Maybe cut down on the amount of committee's you are on. Just my thought. Hope you feel better.

[LadyDragus]

ok I wont leave..
pm if I do ok.. so I know to check in on you ok..

I wont leave then .. that is a promise.. and I do not break them ever..

[LadyDragus]

i am going to talk to my president as soon as I can get ahold of her.. Which is close to impossoible.. she woant anwer her phone...

[Overcastbutclearing]

thanks...i got worried and scared!

[LadyDragus]

sorry to scare you like that..

I wont ok.. I promise..

I did not relize I mean that much to you already..

I know you mean a great deal to me.. ......Just keep in touch and we all will make it through this darkenss we all are figtiing.. ok

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((sj))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((Lady Dragus))))))))))))

(((((((((All who are hurting))))))))))

with my love and empathy,
Fuzzy

[Overcastbutclearing]

((((FUZZYBEAR))) right back at you buddy!

[LadyDragus]

(((((((((( right back at you my darling fuzzy wuzzy ))))))))))))

I know we are allin bad places right now..

[LadyDragus]

more bad news...

just so some of you know Missouri has been hit hard with Medicade cuts by our Sentor so that he does not have to raise Taxes.. I just found out that I have lost my dental insurance and my PT, and I am most likely going to lose it all Come November 1st when I get married because I will not be able to afford my spindown amount it may range in the $1200 dollar range.. like one of my friends is right at the moment..

This is something that scares the hell out of me because I will not be able to conitue my therapy nor will I be able to conitue my medication which one of them is for my Pre-dibetics so I do not become a dibetic and it is somethign I can not live with out and that med alone is $125.00 a month..
So hope and pray my Sentor here in MO. comes to his senses and re-opens medicade reform and stops all these cuts he is doing..

Right now, I can only see my T once a month if I am sucidal, and If I am not he has to call and get permission to let me in, my copays can be anywhere from $.50 up to 150 dollars a visit.. Money I do not have..

SO my stress level just went up when I got my mail today.. I knew about the dental, but not all this other stuff..

*dragon tears are falling heavely now****

[LadyDragus]

yes it can be..

Thank you for caring enough to reply..

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((Trish)))))))))))))))))
I am sorry to hear all that you are going through
I also didn't realise you are only able to see your T once a month. I am sorry to hear that, it must be VERY tough.
I am going to the doctors to demand a referral next week if I can drag myself there. I have got to the point where I no longer care what these idiots write in my notes, and they have already written some mean and nasty stuff, the worst of which I got taken out and shredded it and threw it down the f&*^^ "toilet" I am also due for a "medication review". If the quack tries to stop my meds he won't know what has hit him!!!!!!!!!!!

A deeply disillusioned, hurting and angry (not at you)
Bear

[LadyDragus]

oh girl.. I am so sorry.. it seems no matter where we live some form of goverment is out to harm us one way or the other..

I am so sorry..

My meds may come to an end in November i am hoping I can afford some other form of insuracne here in Mo.. I am checing on prices starting next week on top of a new school week and all that other stuff..

so bear with me all of you..

things are going to get fun.. as my shrink says.. and I can not get ahold of him at home... The frist time I actually need him at home and I cant get him...

arrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggg...
man I need a drink or soemthing and I dont drink...

[nightdream]

Thinking of you!

(((((((((((((((Trish))))))))))))))))

Hold on tight sweety!

nightdream

man I need a drink or soemthing and I dont drink...

Lady D,

I will gladly share my Miracle Grow with you. Not only does it make Petunias' petals strong, it perks up dragon wings.

Feel better,

Petunia

[Psyclox]

The black slime is sumthing we must let out of ourselves and we all will do that just not now at least but maybe in time we will all get through this together.

[LadyDragus]

thank you..

I will share a drink with you and I dont drink either..

[LadyDragus]

it is friends like you that mean the world to me..

Thank you I needed those hugs..

[Overcastbutclearing]

(((((((((((((ladydragus))))))))))
Morning babes! I know it is just a sucky emotional Sunday!!
You are in my thoughts.

[Fuzzybear]

Morning all! (((((((((((((( )))))))))))))

Take care,
Fuzzy

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((Psyclox))))))))))))))