[AngelAsmodeus]

At yourself? Or if you're irritable enough, even other people?

I feel like I'm always in a state of anger, more so recently than before. I used to be able to see myself hitting walls or breaking things. Now I actually hit those walls. I don't much like it.

How do you deal with the anger?

[Miss Laura]

I get really angry with myself. I hit out at myself words and actions

[AngelAsmodeus]

I do my best to not actually outright harm myself physically. But if I could sue my mind for abuse, I'd probably be sitting on a large sum of money.

[sanityseeker]

I isolate and talk myself through the anger. I isolate a lot. My poor son gets little interaction with me. It means he spends a lot of time alone too. Each of us in our own rooms doing our own thing, crossing paths a few minutes at meal times and not much more than that. Anymore time then that and my irritation level grows so much that I have to retreat to get it in check again. If I can't retreat the effort to hold back the rage cycles me into a meltdown that ends with me crying uncontrolable or flips me into a rage that likewise will end with me melting down into a crying fit. I opt to isolate a lot to keep my moods in better check. It is what it is.

[koalabb123456]

I have an explosive temper, i kick at stuff, i scream, i yell and i throw stuff. I hate my anger problem and i hate myself for losing my temper.

[AngelAsmodeus]

@sanityseeker: I understand that. It sucks that the isolation keeps you away from your family, but it does help. I always isolate myself when I can, but I can never talk myself out of the anger.

@koala: my temper upsets me too. Have you tried anything to calm yourself?

[sanityseeker]

Thanks AA. Talking myself out of the anger has taken a lot of practise. I am not always successful. My smashed up labtop is proof of my most recent explosion. Same with self harming. Much less frequently but every now and then when the anger gets so intense I will pinch myself until I bleed just to transfer the pain somewhere else until the rage breaks its hold.

When I do choose instead to talk myself down from the anger... and I do think it is a choice, though one needs to make it quickly before the will to make the choice fades... it begins with focusing on my breathing. No matter the mood extreme it always begins with attending to how I breath. When I am angry my breathing is either short and rapid or almost non existant. Choosing to focus on my breathing is a deal I made with myself. It has become more automatic as time has gone on but it started with a personal promise. I was tired of the effects of my anger let loose. I was embarrassed and the repairs to the damage I caused to walls and doors and windows etc. were getting expensive. The after meltdowns were getting to be too draining and I needed to find a way to stop letting the anger own me. Now when I get angry I hear myself reminding me of my promise. Its that promise that sends me into isolation to do the work of breaking the rage. From focused breathing I move into speaking affirmations to myself. For these initial steps to help at all I have to honour a second promise. I don't let myself think about whatever it is that set off the anger until I have managed to slow everything down in my head again. I am not allowed to bring the anger into my isolated place. I am there to let it go not to let it grow. If it helps to motivate me to keep choosing recovery I remind myself how badly I will feel if I let the anger get the better of me. I tell myself how much more I want peace then distruction. I tell myself to choose to slow it all down until I am well on the road to finding my peace again.

In the best scenerios I might eventually journal about whatever it was that triggered me and if it involved someone else I will look for a perspective that can give us both a learning from the experience. What was the trigger and how can I, how can we do better going forward.

I know needing to isolate isn't a good thing. I am so hypersensitive to even the slightest stimulations of everyday life that I don't know how else to keep myself from one extreme response to another. If I limit my time outside of isolation then those times engaged are much higher quality then if I am strained to keep composed. The time I spend with my son is pleasant if it is in short intervals.

If I don't know on my own that it is time to retreat my son is quick to say 'don't take it out on me'. That usually gets me to either recognize it is anger getting a hold and choosing to breath it out or leave the room to do the work to breath it out.

[AngelAsmodeus]

Thanks for sharing your strategy. I have to try that, although I suck at keeping promises to myself and being logical with myself.

It would be great if you could slowly work yourself away from the isolation tactic, like attempting similar strategies in the moment, but if you can't right now, you can't. It's a good thing you found something that works NOW, you know?

[sanityseeker]

Yea I know. I want to work my way out but I like my own company so its a bit of a catch 22.

It is interesting because my son was away for a few weeks and I was alone in the house and I loved it. I missed him but I sure liked the space. It worked so well for me that even my mood swings were easier to deal with. I almost felt cured. LOL.

I think for me it is hypersensitivity that best describes my struggles. Even the sound of a motor bike can send me into a full meltdown. Somedays I can't even garden (my favourite thing to do) because there are too many sounds setting me off. I wear ear plugs sometimes but I pick up vibrations that can be just as triggering.

It was years before I finally made these kinds of promises to myself. It was when my physcial health started to really suffer from my emotional instability that I came up with the strategy of self promises. More then anything it is the impact on my physically that seems to motivate me forward. I can't take the residuals of the emotional extremes so I do whatever I can think to do in the moment to try to pull it back as many notches as I can. I don't always succeed and I suffer physically and mentally when I don't.

Everyday is a new day. Every episode a new episode. Every outburst an opportunity to react differently. Anger serves a purpose. Ask yourself what that purpose might be and see if you can't identify a different way to serve that same purpose.

For me it is often about being heard and understood. It then challenges me to find another way to be heard and understood without needing to ripe someones face off or lash out at objects or myself. It is still a constant struggle to see those needs in some situations or to see other unfullfilled needs but I get now that it is about an unmet need and not about what I am ranting and raving about in the moment the rage takes over.

[invisigirl]

I do get angry and extremely irritable a lot. I get angry with myself all the time and often get very irritable with my kids and anyone else around me. Ever since my PTSD started a couple years ago, I've had problems with angry outbursts when I get triggered by something, but when I'm depressed on top of that it's even worse.

[koalabb123456]

Originally Posted by AngelAsmodeus

@sanityseeker: I understand that. It sucks that the isolation keeps you away from your family, but it does help. I always isolate myself when I can, but I can never talk myself out of the anger.

@koala: my temper upsets me too. Have you tried anything to calm yourself?

I have try. I guess i need some therapy to know how to control my temper.

[AngelAsmodeus]

That's not a bad thing.

[Beholden]

Before I quite my job over 2 years ago, I had some anger issues. I realized later it was partly from depression which had sneeked back into my being.

After I got back on track with a different Rx I started to realize I hated my job because I just wasn't cut out to do that type of work, and work in 'isolation' like I was.

sometimes it just takes time to figure out. I did learn that isolation isn't the way to handle most things though. But it is a hard thing to stop.

Little steps at a time worked for me. I still am by myself a lot but don't isolate/avoid life anymore. I am happy.

[thine_self_untrue]

The only person I really get angry at is myself because that's the only "safe" person to get mad at. I can hurt myself however I want to, so long as I never do it to anyone else.

[feary]

Originally Posted by invisigirl

I do get angry and extremely irritable a lot. I get angry with myself all the time and often get very irritable with my kids and anyone else around me. Ever since my PTSD started a couple years ago, I've had problems with angry outbursts when I get triggered by something, but when I'm depressed on top of that it's even worse.

I am the same way. it is heartbreaking because my kids and my parents are all innocent

I am angry at myself, my life all the time and I take it out on them for no reason

I keep telling myself i won't but it still happens

[AngelAsmodeus]

Originally Posted by Beholden

Little steps at a time worked for me. I still am by myself a lot but don't isolate/avoid life anymore. I am happy.

Taking baby steps is possibly the hardest process for me. It, sadly, makes me angry. I guess I'm too used to instant gratification when it came to working on things.

Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue

The only person I really get angry at is myself because that's the only "safe" person to get mad at. I can hurt myself however I want to, so long as I never do it to anyone else.

That's also how I feel. Sometimes I can't blame myself fully for things, but I can blame myself partially. I can't hold anger at someone for long since I could hurt them. I hate hurting people, whether it is emotionally or physically. (I doubt I have the guts to physically hurt someone though...)

Originally Posted by feary

I am the same way. it is heartbreaking because my kids and my parents are all innocent

I am angry at myself, my life all the time and I take it out on them for no reason

I keep telling myself i won't but it still happens

You understand that you do it and that it is no good. That is one step to closer to getting better Just trying to not let it happen isn't going to prevent it. Triggers will be triggers. I guess we have to learn to work with our triggers and understand why they make us tick.

[SophiaG]

Originally Posted by sanityseeker

I isolate and talk myself through the anger. I isolate a lot. My poor son gets little interaction with me. It means he spends a lot of time alone too. Each of us in our own rooms doing our own thing, crossing paths a few minutes at meal times and not much more than that. Anymore time then that and my irritation level grows so much that I have to retreat to get it in check again. If I can't retreat the effort to hold back the rage cycles me into a meltdown that ends with me crying uncontrolable or flips me into a rage that likewise will end with me melting down into a crying fit. I opt to isolate a lot to keep my moods in better check. It is what it is.

Maybe an anger management class might be helpful?

[SophiaG]

For the OP: http://www.anger-management-techniques.org/

[byfnvy]

I actually asked for advice for self-control when feeling angry on formspring.me/AdviceAndHelp
Here's the response, which I felt was pretty good advice:

If you have been feeling stressed that could be why [you feel angry]. I suggest you:

- Take deep breaths.
- Try figuring out why you're so angry.
- If you feel like hitting something hit a pillow or something that you won't hurt or something that won't hurt you.
- Spend time alone for awhile.
- Express yourself; write in a notebook about what makes you mad or what person makes you mad & why.
- Let it leave your mind.
- Relax, breathe in & out.

& think of happier thoughts.

A quote that goes along:
"we can not control what happens to us, but you can control your attitude towards what happens to you, In that you will be mastering change without it mastering you."