[holder_of_the_dove]

often i cant cry, even when it is necessary , often even if i am on the verge of suicide, no tears.....i think maybe i cant cry for myself anymore.....i cant cry for anyones pain...too much pain has made me empty....so empty i just cant take it...i sit here with tears in my eyes, actual tears and i dont know what to do, i need help...i want to die again and it is so hard.....i have my plan for my death, ive had it worked out for a long time and thought so many times and have been close to putting those plans in action...i am so terribly gone and have been since my teens...i was desperate then for release and always thought i would kill myself someday.......its hard and i lost so many people and myself and at times i think of them all and want to die , i want to get away from the pain....i am already dead, i died ten years ago, and i have been the walking dead since, slowly losing everything about myself.....no love.....i have no arms of comfort to hug me, and i just cant remember what it feels like.....so i am in the support chat room right now..........i dont want to die, but i do...help me please...

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by holder_of_the_dove

...i dont want to die, but i do...

And out of that tension flows such creativity! How to ease the tension without harming your creativity...?

[Jmall]

That's how I feel, and it's either try to live, or try to finish dying. Trying to live is like... crawling out of a 40 foot hole while to finish dying I'd only have to dig another foot.

[Butterflyangel]

I hear you in so many ways. I guess that is why I stay in zombie mode. Fooling everyone around me. But it is not worth dieing for. I am still searching for that one thing that will give me spark again. Hopefully you can do the same.

[horsecab]

Holder....your poetry shows a very talented and beautiful side of you. I know most posting on this site don't get much feed back or appreciation, but that doesn't mean people aren't reading it and appreciating it. Take one day at a time for now, and focus on helping yourself to feel a little better each day. I know how you are feeling, I have a rant I am about to post and much of it is the same way. Only difference you are still young, while I am heading for old age fast. Until you can feel someone holding you in their arms, feel the love here people have for. All you have to do is reach out and ask for it. Peace my friend.