Nothing Is (or will ever be) Good Enough

Ever feel like this?

Every time someone criticizes me i think "Nothing I do is good enough." I feel torn down, and this small *measures with her forefinger and thumb*

Am I wrong to feel this way? I do get the feeling I am overly sensitive.

Every time sometime starts to argue with me I start to cry. I don't know why this is. Other people yell and scream back but I feel like I am limited in this aspect. So I cry instead. I used to hate that so much. Now I dont care anymore unless it's in front of a stranger.

Life Lesson # 3: Nothing will ever be good enough for anyone.

I dont know how I will deal with this life lesson yet.

Feedback. Honest feedback, is appreciated.

I'm sorry you feel this way ((SophiaG)). I agree it's hard to handle criticism, when you're already down and holding on by a thread. Are these criticizers giving you constructive criticism because if they're not....then you need to stick up for yourself. You can only do what you can and too bad for them if that's not good enough.

I'm so sorry you feel so useless. BUT you aren't! This is just faulty thinking ( did I say "just?" sorry) ....

Here's a link to some of the common cognitive distortions, as you display and suffer from, and what to do about them. Hopefully, something there will help.http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=108173

yep...all the time. I'm not an arguer...when someone gets upset with me I used to cry, but now...nothing, numbness...then I crawl back into my shell.

Oh, Sophia! Sophia!

Honest feedback. Okay. Okay. All I know you from, of course, are your posts in PC. I don't know who you really are. I don't know how you really present yourself IRL. So what I say is based on what little I know.

You conflate "criticism" and "argument." IMHO, very H, you don't make a distinction between the kind of criticism and argument that just wants to get things straight, to understand, (legitimate) from the kind of criticism and argument that does want and/or think it's justified to add to or change something that you've said to make it accord with the facts or the theory (legitimate), from the kind of criticism and argument that just wants to tear you down, to hurt you, to make you less.

It seems, just from this post, that you don't see the first two kinds, which really are okay, not meant to hurt you, not meant to tear you down or make you feel bad. In my lifetime the major part of criticism and argument I've dealt with are the first two kinds. They really don't bother me, and I frequently learn from them. Only some kind of nut pushes the third kind, and I make sure I'm not around them too long.

And legitimate criticism and argument can be ONE HECK of a lot of fun if both parties enter into it in the same sporting spirit: By no means tearing another person down or making them feel bad about themselves or ANYTHING negative like that. But to enter into that kind of exercise and enjoy it you have to feel basically good about yourself. You're just not anywhere near that yet.

The first thing you need to do is differentiate between legitimate criticism and argument and negative criticism and argument, which you haven't done yet. I wish you the best while you attempt to deal with that. Take care.

hey. It'll be ok i promise. I know what you mean. I used to argue with people when that would happen. but now that the depression is really bad lately. I just cry and feel so useless. Nobody understands it but we understand. we are all here for you. just keep talking.

I am the same way Sophia. Nothing out of the ordinary .
You realize that you are and that's good.
Now to find a way to overcome this feeling . You try .
And that is good enough

Thanks for sharing. I do this kind of thinking also!

I have been reading "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman, and learning a lot from it. Dr. Seligman theorizes that we are assuming our mistakes (including I suppose mistakes real or imagined that others point out, ie. criticism) are Personal (all our fault), Pervasive (they affect lots of things) and Permanent (they will have long lasting consequences). "Nothing I do will ever be good enough for anyone" seems to fit this model. The unfortunate consequence of this thinking habit is that eventually we feel helpless to do anything to change the situation, and get into states of emotional shutdown and passivity. This triggers depression (Seligman goes so far as to theorize that IS depression). The whole effect is called Learned Helplessness.

I am still reading the book (at first I didn't "get" it but it makes sense after I slept on it) and can't wait to see how the author suggests CHANGING this way of thinking. Maybe it will be helpful to you too.

Best of luck .. to us both!

P.S.: I notice some people pleasing in there also ... "...for anyone." We don't like to disappoint others and have become very afraid of doing so, I think.

This is very interesting and I bet it holds some truth.

I think everyone is right when they say I dont know how to distinquish constructive criticism from destructive criticism. How do I tell the difference?