still new at this

I know I am very depressed and I am taking it out on everyone. Lots of anger at everything and everyone. At home I feel nearly detached from my family. If I look in their eyes I see anxiety for what I may say to them . I hide a lot by reading. At work, I feel nearly out of control. I recently accepted a new position but it will be several weeks before I will start it. I feel I am hanging on by my fingernails. I have a job many dream of, but the reality is, it is life and death and all that comes with both. Very, very stressful, at which I usually handle very well. I see my co workers are nearly fed up with me, but still I behave badly, using angry words and tones of voice, trying to hurt as I am hurting.

I have stayed in a marriage I don't belong in. My husband was verbally and physically abusive in the early years, now just verbally. He cannot handle me disagreeing with him. I am disgusted with him and myself for staying for so long. I feel stuck as we still have 2 children at home, one with autism who would not handle a separation or divorce well at all. I feel so stuck, so I make him pay in little ways every day. I feel I have wasted my youth with him, which sounds so 1950's, it nearly makes me laugh at myself. Once in a great while I think of trying to make it better but then he is cruel and I know it can't possibly work.

Ok enough whining for today.

Why do you take our your own pain on others? Surely that can't help your situation very much....

If you are miserable, try not to hurt others out of spite.

It sounds like your depression is situational. Have you ever seen a counselor?

Hello, Wanttotalk! You are dealing with much, and it seems you have no refuge -- neither home nor work. Moreover, your ability to handle stress is fraying/decaying.

I hope you can find a refuge. By the way, go ahead and "whine"; here's the place to get it out.

Yes, by all means, feel free to "vent" with us. However, that said, I do agree that it would be good if you had a professional counselor to talk to. They know what to say to help a person work through his/her issues. You certainly sound like you have your hands full with all sorts of things, and I know that you are a very caring person, from what you've said. If you talk about these things with a counselor, then you'll not be as likely to blow up at work or home. Hang in there!