[LittleMissSunshine]

... in fact in a few months it's probably been about a year. crazy how time flies. what's ****** is how much i really enjoyed and relished this place last year when i found it. i'm sad i let myself think i didn't need it anymore and lost touch with it and you all.

things are not so good right now. i feel VERY alone. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, and in the last 3 weeks 3 of my closest friends have *****ed me out in some way about how selfish i have been. 2 nights ago got into a fight with one of my closest because she thought my asking for help and support was a guilt trip. then last night another friend got mad at me for stuff she thought i was saying which wasn't true. and while consoling me my other friend said i was a people user.

ontop of it all, i have been doing a lot of work on myself, specifically my unhealthy anger habits and my poor self esteem, i've really shone a light on my darkest demons and was already feeling pretty ****** about myself and the task of changing these things felt daunting. now i feel like there is no one there to support me through it. i'm so ****** i've pushed away everyone i love and care about. i'm "exhausting" as one of them put it.

part of me really just wants to give up. part of me really just wants to get angry and say eff it all and eff u all. part of me wants to cry. part of me has already gone numb and succumb to the fact that nothing i can ever do will be right. and part of my is crying "UNCLE ALREADY!" to the universe.

I know this is obviously a major transition time for me. but there's only so much some one can take. i don't even know where to begin now. and my biggest fear is that i will never change, no matter how hard i try or think i'm trying, and i'm going to end up alone.

[LittleMissSunshine]

and not gonna lie, it sux to not have anyone respond

[iluuvpups]

Hi, LittleMiss. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time.

I really can relate. I too feel very alone. No parents, spouse, or kids. And I too have had some close friends distance themselves from me lately. So it doesn't leave a lot of people in my life.

All I can say is that it sounds like you're trying to make your life better. And you have to keep on keeping on. Just keep trying. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step backward.

I wonder if you're seeing a counselor? I'm learning that some things are better left to therapy so as not to push away loved ones. They just can't handle all I'm going through.

I do believe that if you keep on trying, you will indeed change. Change comes about when one wants to make it happen. You certainly have that desire.

Hang in there. Hugs to you. --Carol Ann

[LittleMissSunshine]

Originally Posted by iluuvpups

Hi, LittleMiss. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time.

I really can relate. I too feel very alone. No parents, spouse, or kids. And I too have had some close friends distance themselves from me lately. So it doesn't leave a lot of people in my life.

All I can say is that it sounds like you're trying to make your life better. And you have to keep on keeping on. Just keep trying. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step backward.

I wonder if you're seeing a counselor? I'm learning that some things are better left to therapy so as not to push away loved ones. They just can't handle all I'm going through.

I do believe that if you keep on trying, you will indeed change. Change comes about when one wants to make it happen. You certainly have that desire.

Hang in there. Hugs to you. --Carol Ann

Thanks for your reply. i'm not currently seeing a councellor. though i have in the past. i would love to again, but i just can't afford it. i'm barely paying the bills as it is.
apparently i've leaned a little too much on my friends and caused a rift it's very unfortunate, especially when they have asked me to open up. now i feel like i've been too open

[iluuvpups]

There are counselors that will see you based on what you can afford. I used to see one that was based on what I was earning and paid very little. I'm just not sure how you find them. Maybe someone else can offer some advice on that. I'm sure it would help you.

[LittleMissSunshine]

yea i think it would too. hmm, maybe like counselors in training type thing? interns or what ever? i'm in bc, canada. don't know if we'd have the same kinds of things. will look into it.
Thanks

[SophiaG]

Originally Posted by LittleMissSunshine

and not gonna lie, it sux to not have anyone respond

Alert: Some people might view the above comment as a guilt trip. Guilt is a form of manipulation. You need to learn to let people do things of their own free will.

If several people are telling you you are exhausting and are a people user...then it probably holds some truth.

It's up to you now to sort through this truth.

Being a people user means people feel like their relationships with you arent reciprocal. Meaning you take, and dont give.

If they say you are exhausting, it means that they are becoming sad, hearing about all your sadness. If you cant deal with it, it makes sense that they can't either. It's time to learn some emotional boundaries.

It's also time to learn about how reciprocal relationships work.

Caring about others, will make them care about you.

In the end, both your friends and you will win if you sort through these things.

I say these things not to be mean, but to help you. Good Luck.