When does it stop???

When does all the pain, hurt, sadness, feeling like I can't breath, heartache, and crushing of your world stop? just forget it. I don't even know why I try and post here.

I guess I decided I should post more???? IDRK. I'm just so confused. Right now I can't think of anymore words to describe it. I have hit such a depressed state since my T and I decided it is time we stopped our therapy work together. This brings up hugh abandonment issues for me, and as some of you know, just recently I had to say goodbye to my parents (still living, but still abusing me so I had to cut them out of my life).

I'm so lost on what to feel. All I know is I want the feelings to go away. I'm so tired and exhausted. I was hoping it wouldn't be so hard to move on from all this. I was hoping I wouldn't feel such a loss of leaving my T. I need him to go on. It feels that way any ways.

I even thought of calling my T last night just to hear his voice, my heart feelings like it is breaking more and more the closer we get to the end. The end will be soon. We are thinking by the end of this month. I don't want to feel this sadness that long.

((((((( Tryingtobeme! )))))))
I don't know.
I can't just forget it. You've deposited your sorrows in this "bank," and I'm invested here as well.

In posting for yourself, you also post for those who have no strength to post for themselves.

I pray for all of our pain to heal soon.

Thank you Rohag. Thoughtful as always.

Thank you Mrhomercat. I can use all the prayer's I can get.

(((ttbm)))
You are such a special person in my life and I will always be here for you. I hope that you will find strength everyday as this journey goes on. You are strong and I know you don't believe it, but I do believe in you.
You have a great heart and am sorry it is hurting in breaking.
I want to hear from you when you can and want to. Please let me know if I can do anything, please hon, i am here for you no matter what is going on with me.

Hugs,
Jen

Why is therapy ending for you? Do you know why?

My therapy is ending because we have gone as far as we can go. He's taught me all he can. Also I have feelings for my T and major transferrence issues with him. It's a mutual decision really. It just hurts to know that this person I trust with everything and he has been so good at being my T and I don't want to loose that. I've never had anyone or anything good in my life to hold onto until him. You can read more in a thread about ending therapy I put up iun Psycotherapy forum.

Are you going to continue therapy with another therapist? I'm sorry for your loss.

Thanks SophiaG. My T wants me to but I don't want to. I can't trust a T to not dump me. I don't know if I can trust anyone at this point.

Did you ever consider that maybe your therapist is just trying to do what is best for you. Maybe the transference thing is getting in the way. Maybe he really has done all he can with you.

There's no shame or betrayal in that.

lets say I was learning to play violin and was taking lessons for years. One day my teacher may pull me aside and tell me "i have taught you all I can." That would only mean I would need to go to a "better" teacher or a more skilled one to become more proficient. It has no reflection on me or my relationship with my current teacher.

Thought that analogy might help you.

My T is doing what is best for me. I know he has done all that he can and he knows that too. So the ending is mutual. However, I have major abandonment issues and it is very hard for me to let go of someone who I have a great realationship with. Yes it is a professional relationship. He has been great and I have looked at him like a father to me (in my mind that is) since I never had any family that didn't abuse me. It was good for me to look at him that way in therapy and getting to the root of my father issues, but it goes so deep with me and I don't want to let go of it. I feel like I am loosing my best friend.

I understand your example about the violin. I totally get it. It just my feelings about my therapist run so deep of a father role that it is like he is dying to me. I hope I am explaining this.

I do feel my T has done everything he can and I know he would never point me in a direction that is not going to help me. I've come to really trust him and respect him as well as look at him like that father figure.