Feeling uhg

This morning my mom was talking **** about my dad WHILST talking **** about me AND my friends. So i hit her in the face. We got into the car and she tells my autistic brother who doesnt need to know anything because he has a huge mouth about me hitting her and nothing that she did. So i smacked her face again. This was at 7 this morning. The yelling happens every morning not hitting im not usually violent but she pushed me and i broke this moring.

She yelled at me to get her in her own words..." You ****ing *****, I hate you! Get THE **** OUT OF MY CAR!! " And we were still in the parkspace of the house. So I did and went inside.

As a mother I thought she would come in and say sorry then I would then we could drive to school and I'd have a half ****** day.

Nope, she leaves and I missed a WHOLE ****ing day of school that I needed to catch up on.....

I hate her ****ing guts and I wish I could have a clear shot and knock her the **** out.........

In the morning part I felt so self-loathing. Im like ur a stupid ****ing idiot, u should have stayed in the car and dealed with her ******** because you deserve it because you're a horrible person...

I know better but I get that way sometimes and now I am just totally PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!

Anyone have ideas how to deal with her. Avoiding isnt working because she just gets in my face... so what else??????

It's not okay for you to hit your mom, nor is it okay for your mom to yell profanities to you. I would suggest contacting your father and requesting you move in with him earlier than 3 weeks. I would also suggest speaking to your social worker and/or a therapist to increase your coping skills.

Is there a friend's family that you could stay with while you are trying to work out your living arrangements?

it is never acceptable to hit another human being. there are constructive ways to express yourself. i'd definitely speak with your T or pdoc about this asap so they can work with you on this.
we cannot contol or change other people but we can change ourselves and how we cope with life.
you are not a "bad person"...just someone who needs some productive ways/skills to express yourself.
if it were me i'd apologise to your mother even if you feel she wronged you too. it's a start in communicating better.

Personal Opinion: This is one of those times when decisive action is required to secure everyone's safety and sanity. I believe getting out of your mother's house immediately is best. School and your parents' plans take lower priority. Later on you can sort things out.

Avoid ramming that iceberg even if it means inconveniencing others temporarily.

Best wishes to you, Brennan!

Uhhg and she hits me too so Im not a total ***** and on CHRITSMAS ****ING EVE!!!!!! she was drunk and dragged me in the living room by my hair then pushing into a wine glass shattering it and giving me a deep gash on my elbow....but of course no one cares. Im the ***** like always :'(

Brennan I am sorry that your life is in such a bad place right now. Both you and your mother have problems. Both of you are aggressive and angry.

What does your dad say about all this?

Brennan....this is a really bad situation. Physical confrontations are never good. Your mother was wrong for hitting you and abusing you. You were wrong to hit your mother. It doesn't make you a bad person, we all do things wrong sometimes. The act was bad, but you are not bad. I agree with everyone else, you need to remove yourself from the environment ASAP. Leave, find a friend, a relative or someone to stay with NOW. Call your T.

Im moving with my dad in 3 weeks, we seem to be doing better in the physical abuse, but evrbal is still a problem and always has been since 2007 when she called the cops on my dad after she threw reeeallly heavy toy piano at him then charging him with assault...I was there the whole time, he did nothing, so Ive hated her since then