not really sure whats up...

not sure if i should be putting this in this section, but considering that the main issue im dealing with has been depression, im gonna guess this is the right spot. ill get to my new issue later in this post. ive been noticing it (depression) get worse again, i sit at home and donothing and still manage to feel fatigued, mentally and physically drained. i dont know whats making this depression feel so bad, but the part of my day i notice it most is during spanish. i think its because the teacher doesnt know when she has been talking to much, she has no idea when to shut up. and i hate when people just go on and on and on about nothing, the fact that its in a different language just makes it that much more of a bother.
ive also noticed myself eating signifgantly less, like, almost like anerexia. ive been eating one meal on most days for 3 or 4 weeks now, and theres been a few days i havent eaten more than a small one serving bag of chips or something like that. but what ive noticed, is that when i eat (or dont eat) like this, i feel "better". i mean, sure, my stomach growls, but my depression isnt as bad with my tiny food intake. note - ive lost 8 pounds roughly over the past 4 weeks. 130 to 122. not sure if thats terribly signifigant but i thought id put it in there... and there have been a couple days (likw today) that i eat like normal, 3 good sized meals , and then i get sick.... i dont know how my eating is linked to my depression but ideas/facts/info is by all means welcome of course. i wish i didnt feel so much like im rambling on here, but i feel like its a good thing to do it somewhere rather than nowhere... anyway, thanks.

Hi 25 to life for some when they are experiencing depression their appetite decreases, for others it can increase. Eating regular, healthy meals is ideal and 12 lbs. in a month is a significant weight loss. The fact your depression may seem "better" when you are starving yourself may be because it is linked to feelings of control. When we are depressed we don't have control over our mood, but you can definitely have control over what you eat. It's not healthy and I struggled with over exercising for many years prior to my diagnosis.

The feelings of fatigue may be linked to the depression and/or may be because you aren't getting the proper nutrients. What I have done over the past year is I just force myself to continue with my routine. Going to work, sleeping regularly, eating regularly and exercising etc. If I don't I find the depression gets worse.

If you aren't seeing a mental health professional I would suggest that you get a referral to a Psychiatrist. If you are already seeing someone let them know what you have been exeriencing. I hope that helps.

i would go see someone, but as ive stated before, that would require bringing my family into my life, and i cant handle that possibility.... but the thing with the eating, is that ive eaten normal a few times over the course of my "starving" phase (if thats what youd call it..?), and everytime ive gotten sick; like a stomach flu, but with no puking. its odd kind of...

That can happen after you haven't eating enough and/or it can be a part of anxiety. I know when I'm depressed I have felt highly anxious and eating etc. made me feel sick to my stomach. I'm sorry I don't know your background (I usually post on the bipolar forum), but I will assume that you are a minor. If that is the case and at the moment you don't want your family involved perhaps the first step is seeing a school counselor. You don't need to suffer through this alone.

how bout eating small healthy snacks throughout the day. i have the same problem with eating if i'm depressed and found that eating yogurt, ice cream, mashed potatoes or anything that is easy to swallow helps too.
since you are hesitant to get help thru your family, i assume their insurance, why not first talk with a school guidance person? this depression will not go away by itself 25. i urge you to speak to someone.

school is a no no as i cant see anyone there without approval from my parents so then they end up getting in it anyway. there are a couple friends parents that i cqn and have at points really opened up to, but those are the parents of friends i dont often see... and obviously yes im a minor. i just think its kind of sad that i havent had to deal with anything major in my life, but i still have these issues that people terrible lives feel...

Hi 25tolife,

Welcome to pc. I can relate to your feeling tired and irritated. This does sound like depression. I hope that you won't let it go and that you will talk to your parents about it and get some help. It sounds like having a therapist would be helpful.
To you it seems like all it is is that you don't feel like eating much. But that simple, tiny statement can have a lot behind it. Depression makes you feel like you just don't want to eat much and can make you feel ill when you do. A lot of other emotions - anger, sadness, hurt, become hidden. You might think your parents are going to say something like, "oh, but nothing bad has happened to you." But if you look up clinical depression you'll see that it can just happen, like any other illness - and it is very serious if goes untreated. I hope you'll ask for help.

keep posting.

E

That can be the nature of major depression and for me those depressions almost feel worse. It's easier to feel logical about feeling depressed when something bad happened, but when you can't point to XYZ as the reason for your depression this can be very unsettling.

I'm sorry you feel you can't speak to your parents. I can relate to that and I'm 34. Is it the act of speaking to them face to face the issue or is it the reactions you have received in the past? Perhaps writing a letter to them will help?

its not the issue of being face to face, or their reactions, or anything like that. its the fact that i hate the idea of having them being a part of my life because of this, when for everything else in my life i want them out. except my dad cuz hes a boss lol. but i would never talk to him about anything serious. the eating thing is weird, as today i ate over twice as much as my normal one meal (sandwish and a fruit cup) and had that plus a muffin, 4 packages of instant oatmeal, and plenty of mac n cheese. im really hoping my lil binge doesnt come back to haunt me tomorrow.... im not feeling sick yet though, which is a pretty good sign. i just really want to be able to go day to day feeling happy. like, sure i feel happy alot, but its not that internal *everything is great and im loving life* happy, its that *oh something funnyhappened* or *i had a good time doing an activity today* kind of happy. not nearly as pleasureable and it isnt at all perminent. i have noticed that marijuama is an amazing anti depressent though. i dont know what the views on pot are for the people on this forum, but ive found it to work wonders the few times ive smoked