[buttrfli42481]

Why do I feel like this? Why?
Why am I not able to "get over it?" Why?
Why do I bother with it? Why?
Why should I try? Why?
Why do I think I'm no good? Why?

These are the questions that run through my head almost constantly. I want them to stop. To go away and never come back. I am tired of trying to be a "normal" person, when my life is such a mess. I am tired of people asking how I am, they don't really care. I tell them I'm ok or that I am good, when in reality I am wanting to die. Of course if I really say that I want to die, they will want to put me back in the hospital. I don't want to go there again. I wish I could wake up in the morning and not be depressed, that I would have the energy to take care of my daughter. What kind of life am I giving her? I wonder if she would be better off with her father, but she is what keeps me going. I just wish I was a better mom and person, not someone who wears a mask to hide their true self. I AM TIRED OF LIVING THIS LIFE!

[Lilleth]

I ask myself the same questions and no answer. True when asked how you are I say the same thing I am ok even when I am not because the person asking doesn't really want to know really how you are feeling when you tell the truth they start to avoid you as if depression is catching or simply they are embarrassed as they know they cant help. My children kept me going. I was afraid if anything happened to me they'd end up in a home or with my mother which would have been worse I do not know but I am thankful the i managed to keep going and that they have grown into pretty balanced people. They are worried about me but dont know what to do do help me. I am not feeling good today. Yesterday I decided to thing happy thoughts all day but had to stop as I kept laughting to myself and was becoming manic so I change the thought to joy and peace I felt a bit calmer but today all I want to do is fall asleep I dont want to leave the house I have to keep going. Take care

[PitchBlack]

I know that situation all too well. I fell like garbage, day after day, and keep slogging through. I do what I can to keep from self harm, and if able, reach out to my support team. After a while, I wonder if they will abandon me if you haven't "gotten better" by the time they think I should have. In my case, I have no children, and my pets are not enough to keep me even keeled. My signficant other feels useless, because he cannot make me feel better. I keep thinking he never knew it was going to be this bad when he signed on.....