[LittleForgetMeNot]

Today my mother called my aunt saying that she wished I would forgive her, cause she did nothing wrong (apparently verbal, physical and ignoring sexual, abuse is nothing to her) and that I was preventing my Dad and her from getting back together. She said my Dad wanted her and everything.

She's lying, so horribly. She has a boyfriend and she's always constantly trying to get back with my Dad, whom she bad mouths, steals from, and cheats on. She has gotten back together with my Dad at least 5 times in 15 years and it always ends in her cheating.. but now she's blaming it all on me. Yes I don't want her back here, yes when I was 12 I did put up a fight to prevent my parents from getting back together, but the whole situation traumatized me and since then I've been depressed. I protect my family from her, she neglected and starved my brother, she's stolen money from me before when I was 9. When she lives here she complains that we're all assholes to her, and she wishes she could go back to her boyfriends..

I hate her, I hate my mother so much. After learning what she said I wanted my Dad to officially divorce her that minute and I wanted some sort of court order to prevent her from ever contacting me again. I want her gone, I would even move out of the country to stop talking to her.. but.. I'm still in touch with her family and she talks to them, she goes to their birthday parties and we cannot prevent her from seeing my brother at this time..

I need help.. as much as I hate her and as much as it made me so mad.. learning that she's (again) lying about me, stabbing me in the back to justify her reasons.. it hurt, it picked at a healing scab protecting that big hole in my heart, and now it's open and bleeding. I'm hurt again and I cried. I can't take it. I'm 15, she's like 37 why.. why does she have to do this to me? I'm her daughter.. Before she's called me a ***** to her family, said i was a spoiled brat who demanded 300 dollars out of her every month. This isn't true, I don't expect anything from her, all I ever wanted was for her to either love me like a mother should, or leave me alone. I'm tired of her lies, I'm tired of hearing about her, seeing her, being related to her, I hate the fact that half of me is her.. It makes me wanna die..

What do I do.. I can't get away from her, I can never. Like I said she has rights to see my brother who is 9 in october, she is on good terms with SOME of my family as am I, my dad cannot at this time afford a divorce.. once Children's services said that maybe she shouldn't be aloud to see us anymore, but my Dad advised against it thinking that we needed our mother.. maybe my brother does (though he barely even mentions her or remembers her besides the one time she calls every 6 months) but i don;' and her presence hurts me..

I need help.. I'm sorry it's long.. but.. I'm suffering.. I've been trying so hard to get out of this depression.. trying so hard to stop skipping school, to become something that my dad can be proud of.. but today she just pushed me back to the bottom of that hole again.. no she didn't only push she took a knife, stabbed me, dug the hole deeper and chained me to the bottom..

What do I do..?

[Rohag]

Hi, LittleForgetMeNot!

The mother you are describing is a toxic individual, possibly with a diagnosable disorder, whose words and actions are undermining not only your personal peace of mind but also your education. It may be best to formally document your experiences and officially complain to authorities.

I realize you (and your brother) are young, but that makes decisive action now all the more important.

Perhaps you have a trusted teacher or administrator or counselor at school to whom you could turn for help. You have a "real world" writing/research project and need assistance. You could even start with your above post, pare it down to just the facts -- including that the emotional turmoil caused by your mother is harming your ability to take advantage of education, print it and present it to somebody.

As strong as you are, you most likely do need to reach out for help to get to a safer, better place.

Document, document, document.

[madisgram]

idk about canada law but in the US at your age you have a voice in the court system. is this something you might want to look into there?

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hi, LittleForgetMeNot!

The mother you are describing is a toxic individual, possibly with a diagnosable disorder, whose words and actions are undermining not only your personal peace of mind but also your education. It may be best to formally document your experiences and officially complain to authorities.

I realize you (and your brother) are young, but that makes decisive action now all the more important.

Perhaps you have a trusted teacher or administrator or counselor at school to whom you could turn for help. You have a "real world" writing/research project and need assistance. You could even start with your above post, pare it down to just the facts -- including that the emotional turmoil caused by your mother is harming your ability to take advantage of education, print it and present it to somebody.

As strong as you are, you most likely do need to reach out for help to get to a safer, better place.

Document, document, document.

I do reach out, I've been reaching out more than usual, but most people tell me I should ignore her until she stops. I have completely cut off all contact with her a few months ago, deleting her off facebook, msn, refusing to speak with her on the phone, and if we're stuck at the same party (which has only happened once) I'll pretend she's not even there. This is what she means by she wants me to forgive her.

She does have a disorder, a mental one, and I'm not sure how to explain it but she's not a very bright person and she has trouble understanding A LOT of things. She can barely spell, horrible grammar, I can't explain how she is, you would need to interact with her to understand, I guess. But it is known she has an issue, my Dad thinks she has the same as my brother who was diagnosed with MID and a possible autism, though we also think there has to be something more to it cause he's.. different, but inexplainable. She has the inability to understand ANYTHING that does not involve herself, and she's a chronic liar.. Also according to her (though I don't know how truthful this is) she was raped when she was little, which would explain her numerous affairs regardless of any boyfriend she's with, she's always, always cheating. Plus she's an alcoholic, and though I know the details have been kept from me, she's been into drugs before when I was around 11-12.

I'm in a big sister, little sister, program that CAS (children's aid service) put me into to have her be a positive female model in my life. She works with girls my age at group homes who have school issues, depression issues, as well as girls 18+ who don't have the resources to help themselves. She is in contact with counselors at her work and she has before offered to get me in touch with them if I needed. She was also in touch with my old cas worker who closed the case so many months ago, on account that in an alternative program i was going to school and they all thought everything was fine, and my dad did too (they never knew i was depressed or the real damage of my mom). Could she, that "big sister" be the one to go to??

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by madisgram

idk about canada law but in the US at your age you have a voice in the court system. is this something you might want to look into there?

Yeah, I do, by the age of 12 we have the choice on which parent we want to see. My Dad enforces my decision when my mom phones or her boyfriend and they demand that I see her again, he tells them that he can't make me, they shouldn't push it, and a simple apology cannot undo the damage that has been done. However, we cannot afford to take things into court right now, and my brother is under the age of 12 so she has rights to see him.

[Rohag]

Thank you; your reply explains a lot.

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

Could she, that "big sister" be the one to go to??

Possibly. If she isn't, she may know who is.

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

...in an alternative program i was going to school and they all thought everything was fine, and my dad did too (they never knew i was depressed or the real damage of my mom).

There's the challenge -- to make people and "the system" appreciate the extent of the damage. The fact you understand this testifies to your maturity. All the best to you, LittleForgetMeNot.