[thea_kronborg]

I had kind of a breakdown at work today. Two months ago I moved to the area, which is 200 miles from my husband's job but at least in a city where there are jobs. I originally took this job because I thought it was going to involve research and working with people, but it turns out they hired me pretty much just to be a programmer. Which means all day, by myself, at a computer, never talking to anyone, nobody asking my opinion or listening to me.

I had gone to grad school to get out of this line of work, because it is so isolating and so frustrating and just extremely bad for my mental health. I told a couple of people that this wasn't what I had in mind, and finally I found a person today who seemed to listen, the company recruiter. Now he's telling me that if I'm patient, they might be able to help me find something else in the company. But it's a small company. Unfortunately, they really need programmers, so I don't think they'll let me out.

I hate programming so much I just want to scream.

So that means I have to find another job. I feel so panicky, so frustrated and incredibly depressed about this. I should have known it was going to turn out this way, there were warning signs at the interview, but I was so glad to just have an interview and then a job offer I ignored them.

Part of the problem is that my last job kind of turned out this way as well. It wasn't exactly the same thing (I hadn't finished grad school yet) but I thought they were going to let me grow at the company, at it turns out they really weren't, and were kind of hostile about my even asking.

I don't know why I keep misjudging these situations. How can I leave a job after 6 months, and then leave the next one after 2 months? I guess the first one wasn't necessarily permanent, but the current one was supposed to be. I have a Ph.D and it's not that easy to find a place, because people think you're overqualified or some kind of stuck up academic, so this is just incredibly depressing.

It must be me that's the problem. Partly I know this is insanely out of proportion, catastrophic thinking. But I can't stand myself, I am so sick of myself and never getting anything right.

Hello, thea_kronborg. I am sorry for what you are experiencing.

Is professional help an option for you.

I wish you well.

[lostandlonely41]

Don't beat yourself up. In todays economy we are lucky just to be working. Instead of thinking of things in a negative light- try to think positive- if you work alone try getting an MP3 player of some sort with your favorite music and mix it up once in awhile...take a walk, or go to a park on your break time-being in nature is simple medicine.
In the meantime, you can look for work else where while still keeping your current job. Tell yourself, that this is only a temporary situation- because you have the power to change anything you want to in your life. We all make mistakes the thing is to learn from them...and I am sure you are quite educated to see the writing on the wall. Get out the crayons draw your own picture and before taking the next adventure make sure you are prepared for what YOU really want. Hope these few words helped a little.

[Leed]

Don't be so hard on yourself! It's not like the handwriting was on the wall ! How were you to know DEFINITELY that this was going to turn out like this? You had no way of knowing. And so what if you quit after a couple of months? Who cares? You don't even have to mention it on your resume'. Look for something else -- or if it's bothering you TOO much, just get out if you can afford it. Nothing is worth your mental health.

If you had a breakdown at work, then this is just a bit much for you. Being shut off in a cubicle or in a little room would drive me nuts. I have a bit of claustrophobia anyway ~ but I don't think it's good for anyone's mental health.

Get the heck out if you can't stand it - and if you can afford it. Even flipping hamburgers is better than being miserable in a job you HATE. Be good to YOU. You deserve it. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[turquoisesea]

It's not so easy to make these big decisions especially considering the current job climate. Given the economy et al, it's really not your 'fault'. Think more about what you can learn from the experience.

You said "it must be me that's the problem"... I don't know if that's true. Maybe you should think back a little bit. What were the warning signs you saw in the interview? How did you react? What questions could you have asked that could have helped you get a better sense of the job? And, were there any actions you could have taken to avoid this situation in the first place?

Remember not all this is your fault, but YOUR actions are the only ones you can change or have any control over. You can't change the fact that jobs are hard to get, etc. But you can learn from your experience and maybe end up with abetter experience next time?

wishing you luck

[thea_kronborg]

Thanks all.

I've been having a rough time with this, but I guess all you can say is this is me, this is my life, and I can't be a programmer in a cube.

I've applied to a whole bunch of jobs that I'm reasonably qualified for.

I could quit right now and have enough money for a couple of months, but I don't know if I want to go that far. I will give myself permission to do it though.