[Samanthaq]

Just about and hour and 15 minutes from now I'll be in the local Social Security office finally starting paperwork for disability. I'm so scared I'm having trouble getting ready to leave the house.

Almost everyone I've talked to for the last two years has agreed that yes, my life sucks, I should never have been treated this way, and that yes, I need help. When I was younger I was never allowed to ask for help, let alone get any, now that I'm barely able to ask for help I cannot get any, well enough at least.

I've been trying for two years to get some help with this mess, and while I have a therapist, and a doc for meds, I'm not getting much else. I have enough trouble leaving the house, and now I have to go three towns over to Social Security where I'm told they are going to say no the first time regardless and I honestly don't know if I have enough reserves left to handle this.

I'm scared, terrified actually, and do not want to go, and do not want (at this moment) to die. I do not want to wind up in that horrible depressed place again. Meds are helping, but I have so much work to do to hold on and I don't always have the strength . . .

I'm gonna make it, I keep telling myself over and over, I have to!!!

Thanks for listening to me . . . I'll check back in afterwards . . .

Samantha

[Parker10]

Good luck ! Sometimes getting Disabilty takes several tries. Hopefully you have info from Doc, therapist, etc to help you. Don't be disappointed if things don't work out the first try - just try again, with more ammunition!

I am sorry I don't know your situation, not sure what "mess" you speak of, or "how you were treated" etc, but I do hope that you get the help you are asking for and need !

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((samantha)))))))))))))))))))))))

we're sending you great thoughts right now. i'm sorry you have to go in person. mine was all handled via the telephone. that was a blessing for me. otherwise, i don't know that i ever could've/would've even applied.

you're very brave,

kd

[Samanthaq]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Parker10 said:
Good luck ! Sometimes getting Disabilty takes several tries. Hopefully you have info from Doc, therapist, etc to help you. Don't be disappointed if things don't work out the first try - just try again, with more ammunition!

I am sorry I don't know your situation, not sure what "mess" you speak of, or "how you were treated" etc, but I do hope that you get the help you are asking for and need !

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Parker10}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kimmydawn}}}}}}}}}}}}}

For the tip of the iceberg so to speak take a look at;
Something I wrote . . . **** Warning Triggers ****

I've been trying since 1999 to get help, therapy, counseling but my ex wouldn't let me. There is so much more to the mess than I wrote there but I won't bore everyone with all the details of my mess as I call it.

Two therapists and a couple of doctors should help with SSDI, but if I had my wish, the nightmare would be over and done, I wouldn't be living in fear of my ex and inlaws, the depression, anxiety, terror and pain would be in the past. So far it looks like a longer, even more painful road in front of me than is behind me . . . Biggest thing I need help with is learning how to let anyone near me, how to venture out in public with out any one to protect me, how, how . . . Garth says "Learning to live again is killing me . . ." He's got it easy . . .

The good news is that I'm back home, safe, no-one was mean to me, hassled me, and other than being asked to remember things from the dark years which set me off, I made it out alive. The woman (thank GODDESS it was a woman) that helped me was very patient and when I lost it because of a flashback, she waited, got me water and tissues, asked if I needed to stop or go to the hospital . . . I was honestly amazed. Two Xanax disolved under my tongue also helped, but I survived!!!

I don't think I'd have made it if it was a guy "helping" me there, I still have serious problems with men, any men, even my close friends. The few men I'm close to as friends and I've known for years tend to make me nervous and one of them was a roommate years ago. I know I shouldn't blame ALL men in the universe for the actions of a handful but my heart doesn't always listen to me, and I'm so jumpy and nervous around them . . . Anyway I'm babbling . . .

Thanks for the support ladies! I still cannot believe I managed to survive it . . . Better living through chemistry I guess, Welbutrin and Xanax aren't all bad . . . I'm glad I finally gave in and said yes to meds, I really doubt i could have done this a few short months ago . . .

[Parker10]

Glad you had a safe journey, and made it home to tell about it.........when I had severe panic and anxiety, that was how I measured a success - living to tell about it ! I read your other post that you linked, and I am so sorry you have been thru so much ! I do hope that you get the Disabiity (and thrilled that you had a compassionate person to talk to while applying).

Glad the dr you saw was so suppotrive.
Congrats on getting through it.

Caroline