scared

Hi everyone

This is my first post, my first visit to this website...I generally don't do stuff like this, because I am leary of online privacy, etc.

However, I'm pretty down. I just moved home after graduating from grad school. I'm living with my family in our small, messy house and I'm 26 years old. I have a job starting soon, which is very good, considering the market for lawyers these days. I don't have many friends in town and the friends I do have are married.

During school, I was involved with someone. It was very much off and on. We graduated and I expected never see him again, but he came to visit me for a week. I know this guy is not good enough for me...he didn't treat me as well as he could have (not that I was an angel, but I think that was more of a defense mechanism there) and he doesn't care for me like he should, but I am so lonely right now and missing my old life, that I wish I could have him. I know it's because I'm just scared of starting again. It's tough living at home, too. I'm just so deeply frightened right now of being alone for the rest of my life - never getting married, never having children...I'll be 27 in a few months. I know it sounds silly, but it's all I can think about these days.

I feel like I'm translating my unhappiness onto this guy that I finally broke things off with (although we are still friends - good thing he lives 10 hours away)...and am only thinking of the positive things about him and missing him.

The thing is, I know I am just missing my old life, where everything was finally falling into place. And then I had to leave again. I'm scared of changes and I feel like I will never have anyone again.

My mom died over three and a half years ago and I went through a terrible breakup a few years ago (a five year relationship) without her. I got through law school by myself and I made a fantastic life for myself there. Now I am back to having nothing and I would give anything...anything!...for one more conversation with her.

All I want is someone that I love and who loves me back. And I am so, so afraid that I will never find that person. Every day I get older and I can't stop thinking about it.

I know I should be grateful for what I DO have, and I am, but I just don't know what to do.

Thanks.

Hi, Littlebear, and welcome to the forum!
I can remember feeling much as you describe, after graduating from college and moving back home. I missed my old life, my friend, the creative atmosphere, the freedom. I had to find a job, had no romantic prospects, and felt restricted being in the family home.
Because you are feeling all of this, please do not settle for a substandard relationship with someone who treated you badly, just because he is part of your history from your happy times in school, etc.
My advice is to pace yourself, give yourself some time to get established in your new job, find a place of your own, and make new friends. 27 is not old, sweetie!!!
Seeker

Little Bear

Littlebear,

You are not alone!

Lots of us have a wave of loneliness at around the age of 30, it's an uncertain time of life. I was pretty much in your situation when I met my wife (I was 33) and we have been together now for 26 years. I would never have believed it could happen, especially after a painful first marriage.

One thought, I would say that it is important to be sociable, to stay in the game, and don't let a 'crust of loneliness' form around you. It's a mindset that we can easily slip into. If you are open minded and friendly, you'll never really be alone.

My Scottish Grandfather met a lady in the old folks home and they ran away together to the Scottish highlands, living their last few years in a caravan up there. He was 65 when they married.

The only people I've known who have stayed alone and quite unhappy have been difficult and cantankerous characters, although they don't see that of course! IMHO embitterment is the real enemy; if you can stay open minded, then people will always warm to you.

Cheers, M