I Ache to Interact with People . . . But

They forget me or hurt me or treat me badly. What hurts most is when I truly need a friend and they just ignore me.

I'm not a person who likes having a lot of people around me. I'm happy with just 1 or 2 close friends, and maybe a few acquaintances.

But those who build up a friendship with me over time and I come to trust them after a while with a lot of my inner most feelings and short-comings...those are the ones who end up hurting me most. They tell me "You can always share with me when you need someone to talk to whether you're angry, depressed, happy or whatever". And I slowly trust them. And I am the same with those who are closest to me. I'm a very good listener, and I listen with care and love and I try to always respond with compassion and do my utmost not to leave them without a response when I feel they need it most.

But those friends of mine, eventually they come to ignore me, no matter what state I'm in. And I try to understand that life can take our attention first, no matter what. So I forgive them and try again. But they do it to me again and again and again. Until I wonder why I go back. But I've decided I'm pathetic. I go back because if I walk away from them, then I'm totally alone. And that thought depresses me more.

And please don't think I'm not accustom to being alone. I'm a laid back only child who knows how to entertain myself and enjoy quality alone time. But when I want to talk with someone who cares, someone I trust, and there's no one...that tears at my soul.

I know I'm sounding confusing here. I know a lot of people will just tell me to walk away and forget my "friends" for good. I know a lot of people will tell me to stop focusing on others for feeling good. But, as I said, if I had to divide my life up, 80% of the time I'm just fine being alone. Truly ok alone. But that 20% when I want a friend who cares how I feel, why can't I have one? Am I just expecting more of people than anyone is capable of giving?

I understand completely msniteowl. I too like my alone time, i like it alot. People think i like it too much. However, i do like to be around people sometimes too. I don't trust people much because i have been hurt alot as well. I am a good listener and people usually have no problem venting to me but i feel like no one wants to listen to me. I also feel like my closest friends and i don't have many either, they are friends i've had for 10 or more years, i feel like when i'm going through something and i'm down that is when they pull away from me instead of trying to be there for me. Its very hurtful and i don't know how to deal with it either. I'm sorry you are going through this and that i don't have any answers, i just wanted you to know your not alone. Anjelmarie

Welcome MsNiteOwl

I know where you are coming from. I too am an only child and have the ability to keep myself from being bored. However, due to the depression I have alienated all of my "friends" and really have no-one to talk to.

However, you have come to the right place! Since I joined PC I feel I am making friends and able to talk to people who understand me, don't judge me and are truly exceptional. If you ever need to talk, we are all here!

Thank you for the responses. I'm glad it isn't just me that feels this way.

For myself, when I posted this it brought something to focus for me. I know I'm a very sensitive person, and can easily over-react. And I think that in some cases, I need to realize that while I may have the time and interest in checking on emails a lot or making calls or such, others may just simply not have that mindset or the time. Since I don't work except occasionally, I have oodles of time for such things. I no longer have children to chase or family to participate with. Others have partners and children and jobs and on and on.

And I can also be very bad about not actually "asking" for someone's time or attention. I just hope that they will understand my needs by what I say. And sometimes they do. But I also need to find the courage and ask directly more often.

It is hard to find the courage, especially when I've been hurt badly more than once by those who really shouldn't have done it. But it does help change my stress and depression levels a bit to realize that I need to change the way I look at others' situations.