[daytimedreamer]

I feel like a criminal. People always get the wrong impression about me and think that I am a better person than I really am.

I put on this automatic "good person" act, and a part of me wishes that people could see through that as we meet, like an explosion rather than a slow burn. It would be messy and I would be blown to pieces, but at least it wouldn't take as long.

The other part of me is glad that I can fool people so easily because then sometimes I can pretend that there are people who really love me for awhile.

Maybe people just see what they want to see, because if they allowed themselves to believe the truth, they would be mad at themselves for being fooled for so long and for allowing themselves to get too close to me.

I don't know what I hope to gain from making this thread. I guess it can serve as a caution to people who want to chat with me or for people who read my post history.

[lynn P.]

I'm sorry you're feeling bad today. I think most of us feel like we have to put up a good front because we don't want to drag others down or reveal ourselves in case they don't like us.

You can feel free to express yourself here though - just give us a little warning like "this is a rant" and then let lose lol. At least they think you're better and not worse.

[lonegael]

Daytimedreamer, the good, like the bad, has to come from somewhere. We have a tendency to focus on the bad sides of people as the "real" colors of a person, when actually the good side that we all ususally show are just as real. Problem is that we buy into the disney-inspired idea that we can be these one dimensional oversimplified characters who are only good, do only good, never get mad and never cause anyone else pain, or we are totally evil.

It's OK to get mad, get careless, etc. as long as you warn us, apologize if someone feels hurt, etc. . I for one have been a little off recently and my inner censor has not been doing his job, so I have written stuff that has been a wee bit, well, wacked. Yep, that's the real me, but so is the more measured, careful person who usually is on the site. I assure you, if you get upset, as long as you can warn us or realize what's happened, people will realize the same is happeing. That's why we are all here. HUGGGGGSSSSS!!!!!!!!

[RyuB]

i can certainly relate to what you're expressing. i used to feel like the real me was hiding inside and eggshell and a pretend me was painted on the outside. (that's the best description i can think of)

people you can TRUST is what you need most. the rest aren't worth anything.

[ivyblessed]

Dear Daytime Dreamer,

Perhaps you really are a good person.... perhaps what they see is what is there for them. Maybe you can't see what they see? Maybe looking at it from the possibility that they can see more than you might answer part of what is going on.

It really sounds like you aren't trusting yourself and all those other people can't be trusted either because you know the truth and they can't see it...or rather can't see through your self made facade?

I bet you aren't half as bad as you think you are...and even if you are bad... seems you recognize it and are wanting to change. Allow the possibility for you to be something in the middle between the two. Not perfect, but not unforgivable either. We all struggle with authenticity and how others see us, how we see ourselves.

Do find a therapist to talk to.

[daytimedreamer]

Thank you to everyone who responded and everyone who read this thread.

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

You are only bad if you truly want to be.

Have a good one.

[sane1logic1]

Don't get too wound up about what you think people think.

Maybe there's quite a lot of people around who are enthusiastic enough to accept the real, shades-of-grey you.