[so_punk_rock]

I obsessively think about certain people. Ive always been imaginative and always had a whole different world in dreams.. I think it may be subconscious. Ive posted things related to this but i feel that i need to get this off of my chest. The lonliness eats away at me alot of the times. I think my mind finds things to distract me, which can be annoying. I start to think about my future and other normal s&*t but i also think about being in relationships. I start to focuse on certain people and constantly think about them. I know this is a problem of mine and its really hard to deal with. I dont want to blur dreams and reality. I dont want to keep being a recluse. Im already emotionally unstable. My emotions are all over the place. I long for love and affection but i know i have to be healthy mentally, physically, emotionally.... And the weird thing is i would much rather think about my future career than a relationship. My emotions suck.

[lynn09]

Hi, so_punk_rock! You're considerably younger than me, but if you don't mind input from an old lady...

I think it's natural that you would focus on certain people when you think about being in relationships, especially since you're artistic - you would have more of a tendency to "personify" your thoughts and emotions. The problem with creating "fantasy relationships" in your mind with specific individuals is that your mental image of a real person will become a physical representation of all that you want and would hope for in a relationship partner - even attributing characteristics and qualities to that physical representation (person) that that person does not actually possess. As a result, that person's image will trigger your "love" emotions causing you to create an emotional bond with that individual. We're wired this way - babies bond visually to parents' faces which come to represent love, belonging, caring, security, etc. - in "normal" families, that is.

Since you are isolated due to your condition, don't interact much with others, and don't see a lot of people's faces, your feelings of loneliness and the desire for a relationship will automatically produce the image of those people you think about the most - in other words, the "objects of your desire." This could make it difficult for you to be attracted to a real person who actually does possess the qualities you want in a relationship partner, especially since we tend to be drawn to and more comfortable with that which is familiar. Believe me - most of us experience this in our lifetimes - so don't think you're the only one.

Perhaps you could depersonalize things a bit by writing about the qualities you want to develop in yourself and the qualities you want in a relationship partner - who that other person would have to be in order to be in a relationship with the person you want to become. This may help you view yourself and others more objectively. I don't think there's anything wrong with you thinking more about your career than relationships - it's important that you find the work that provides you with a living, but also feeds your soul - the work that's worth getting up for every day. You will probably have many different types of relationships with many different people throughout a lifetime, so the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You don't have to wait until you consider yourself to be "perfect" before establishing relationships with others because it is all that you experience with others throughout your lifetime that will help you to define and redefine your identity - to learn to discern - to learn what and who belongs in the life of the person you want to become.

This was a bit hard to put into words, so I hope it makes sense! If not, let me know and I will clarify. Take it easy on yourself - you're just starting your journey. lynn09

[so_punk_rock]

THANK YOU SO MUCH LYNN!!! I REALLY NEEDED THAT. IM JUST YOUNG, INEXPERIENCED, AND CONFUSED. IM 18 YEARS OLD BUT I FEEL THAT PARTS OF ME EMOTIONALLY, ARE STILL A KID. I JUST WONDER SOMETIMES, BECAUSE IM KIND OF LIKE "DAMAGED GOODS", HOW CAN SOMEONE REALLY LOVE ME?

http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752