[galah]

I am wondering if there is anyone else out there that thinks like me. I have been depressed pretty much all my life, but have experienced some normality inbetween breakdowns, so I have kept going. 2 failed suicide attempts in the past, but decided after the last one to carry on until the kids are grown up and are independent with lives of their own. I am a single mom, and I am all they have. I think if I killed myself now, they would suffer too much. It will be less of an impact when they are out of the house and don't need me so much anymore. It will only be another 2-3 years, I think. Can I make it? Most of the time I wish I could just end it now, but I can't do it to them, not now.

I think I am the only person in the world that thinks like this. Am I?

[jilliebeanmn]

I'm sure you are not the only one to think that way. Let me tell you though, it's not going to be any "easier" for them if you wait until they are adults. I know from experience. I deeply wounded my children and I beg you not to do the same.

Besides, we deserve better than to live like that...just getting through the day.

Have you had any professional help? If not, I urge you to do so.

HUGS

[justfloating]

I'm not a parent but I am somebody's child, and I am out of the house, but it would still be the most painful thing in the world to lose my parents. Just because your kids will be out of the house doesn't mean they won't need you! Think about the weddings, the graduations, the births of grandchildren that you'll miss and they'll always wish you were there for. Just because they won't need you the same way they do while they live under your roof doesn't mean that they aren't going to need you as much or possibly more in the future.

[galah]

I have had professional help, been on just about every anti- depressant there is. Nothing helps or makes me want to live. I cannot carry on. I know it will hurt them, but I cannot keep going indefinitely. I feel it would help me to talk to someone who feels the same as me.

Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate that you are trying to help me.

[buttrfli42481]

I have thought the same as you, but came to the realization that it will still hurt my family as much then as it would now. I would hate for my daughter to hit those adult milestones without me by her side. How long has it been since you have been on anti-depressants? Sometimes they don't work as well by theirselves and you need some other med to help stabilize you. It wasn't until I was put on abilify and my cymbalta was increased that I became stable. Just a suggestion.

[lonegael]

At one point, I did. Then I discovered, that I would never stop being a parent. A little later, I discovered that they would never stop needing me in some way. Then I realized, i'd kind of gotten used to living. HUGGGGSSSSSSS. I hope the darkness at some point, lifts for you.

((((( galah )))))

You are in my thoughts.

[Alesis]

I wish that I had an answer to help you with your pain. I do know that there is never a good time to desert your kids because they will always need you even when they are grown.

I know, because my kids are grown and they continue to "need me." They need me to help solve difficult problems, to listen to them, to hold and hug them. When I have similar feelings to yours, I wonder if I can find a lighted path to guide me out of my hard life. I try to go one more day...take one more chance to find my way. Life can be so sweet and then turn around and bite you.

Where can you find-right now, someone to help you solve difficult problems, to listen to and support your needs? Maybe you can tell us more about what you need to help you and the group can help get you started.

Alesis

[REINE D AMOUR]

it is always good to have a reason (your kids) to stand this life