[amberstar33]

I don't know what is going on or why I am feeling so rubbish.

I started uni last October, to do a course I have been working towards for years. I was exercising regularly and feeling good. But it has gone down hill from there. I got ill at christmas, chest infection and ear infection. I started drinking and smoking again after years of not. I felt completely out of control. I woke up in the middle of the night and had a panic attack but that passed as quickly as it had appeared. I started making myself sick after eating, but again, that didn't last long. I trained and ran a half marathon in September. The day after that my mood dipped and I haven't felt right since. I had a brief romance over the summer and that ended just after the half marathon too. I tried to keep myself busy to help me move on from the guy, possibly too busy and I have just crashed.

I can barely get out of bed on a morning at the moment. Took me an hour this morning to get in the shower and now I am sitting back on my bed.

I think I feel angry at myself for getting involved with that guy over the summer and not feeling over it yet. I also feel angry that I got into exercise and now I can barely get out of bed. Most of all I feel scared about messing up my degree. I want the motivation back that I had last year. I just wanna feel like me again........

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Amberstar33!

(Feel free to ignore questions; you needn't share anything you don't want.) You posted you started (recently?) on antidepressant medication. Prior to your illness at Christmas last year, did you ever experience anything similar to your current feelings and symptoms? Did the doctors determine what your illness then was? Have you had comprehensive medical workups since?

It definitely sounds as if you are dealing with depression. It would be nice to know whether or not something else (e.g. hypothyroidism, some form of anaemia, etc.) is also present.

Again, welcome, and all the best sorting things out!

[amberstar33]

Hi

I had a nervous breakdown in 2005. I suffered anxiety and panic attacks. I do not feel anxious this time. (touch wood) I just feel so low.

I have had regular blood tests since, although I do need to go for another one as my last was about 6 months ago and my thyroid levels were on the borderline of being too high I think it was.

I started the antidepressants on Weds, so only a few days ago.

My self esteem is very low. I visited my mum today and I am so negative about myself. I am not able to see the achievements in my life.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((((((amberstar33))))))))

Know exactly how you feel and all I can say is ride it out. Do your very best to ride it out. If you can't see or feel your achievements then fantasize about your hopes and dreams.

[amberstar33]

I got up this morning :-) and i am going to my lecture. Good start to the day.

[amberstar33]

Originally Posted by amberstar33

I got up this morning :-) and i am going to my lecture. Good start to the day.

I have done two hours reading for uni and been for run. So a very productive day.