[attekus]

I'm depressed I was told by my therapist and we are working on it. This was only about two weeks ago and I knew I was but only got help now. I have a lot of behaviors that are self-destructive that I can't stop. I binge eat until I'm so sick that I can't get out of bed, but I've never purged. I just exercise compulsively but I am overweight anyway. When I binge I can't stop eating even though the food doesn't taste good anymore. I just keep eating and I don't even pay attention to what I'm doing and I can't stop until it's gone. If I don't do that I do something else unstead until I can't do it anymore and I won't say what that is not even to my therapist because it's too humiliating and deviant in my mind because I don't know anyone else who does it. I feel like I have no control over what I do and the shame it is causing me makes it impossible to look other people in the eye and I feel like they can see into me and know what I do so I am uncomfortable going out anywhere except in the woods or where I know I won't run into anyone. I desperately want to change. Does anyone know how I can stop hurting myself like this? I live just to go through this over and over again and I don't know why. Thanks Attekus

[Kismet]

The first thing that I would do is to be honest with your therapist. I know that is hard to do but it is important that s/he know what is going on with you. My guess is that s/he has heard worse before-there is nothing new under the sun. If you cannot bring yourself to tell him your secret right away you could tell him there is more to the story --and you are working on being able to tell him.

Good luck--it is truly horrible to feel alone in our misery.

I understand so much!!!!!!!

I have bulimia, Self injury problems, and yes. a sexual addiction issue. I know what it means like to want to act out so much so you don't feel your own pain. The only way to stop it is to address it. I'm so sorry things are so difficult right now.

I understand completely I think. In my situation, I'm an ex-marine, so it's very hard for me to make my own decisions. All I did was take orders. Do what I was told, when I was told, and do it as fast as possible. They pretty much eliminated my ability to think for myself. I have to wait for someone else to tell me what to do. So when I get depressed, I don't know what to do that is right or wrong. Now, I'm not suggesting you pick up smoking cigarettes, but that is how I deal with it. It calms me down. I'm skinny as is, but because I smoke cigarettes, I eat about once or twice every 2-3 days. I don't know if I helped you any, but you can do it in your own way. Everyone here has the same darkness inside themselves. And everyone copes with it differently. If you can put your mind to it, you can find the answer that will help you. We are not here to make fun of your problems. We are here to help you, give you suggestions on ways so you can better improve upon yourself. And we are also here because of ourselves. We too seek salvation.

[attekus]

You do understand the part of the military telling me who I was for 13 years. Before that I was an alcoholic and before that rebellious and angry and of course I carried it all with me everywhere I went . So, from here it's a journey to see if I can find the person who I would have been if all the things in my mind wouldn't have confused me. (the military was great I was on auto-pilot until my last year) My last year I stressed out and couldn't do my job so I left. I couldn't fight my depression because my anxieties got the best of me and I didn't know what to do and I would turn one way and then forget what I was doing and start doing something else. I knew I was losing it. Anyway, thanks and as a Marine you do know part of my problem. Attekus (see ya around)