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#1
Nov 30, 2010, 11:11 PM
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I can't even believe it. Our families weren't on great condtiotions, but I never thought, no derserves, especially not them, no one should... Uhg well I should explain....
My neighbour, Kelly, he, died last night. I only found out a couple of hours ago. I used to be good friends with his son, Jake. His mother, this sounds bad, but is a *****. But I would never ever want something like to happen to anyone, even more for her because, for someone like her, you can;t afford something like this to happen. It makes you worse. It sounds selfish but Im so concerned for my father now. Kelly's death came so suddenly. They found a whole in his heart only 2 or 3 weeks ago. Its just not fair. My dad has so many health problems. Kelly was only 40 something. ITS NOT ****ING FAIR. Especially so close to christmas for their kids. Omg Jake, Abby. I just want to hug them, I don;t really know them anymore, but I feel so ******, and guilty. I don;t even know why... Well I do... I had nightmares all last night...... Their dad was in my dreams, and I was yelling at him because I had just come home from the hospital because my brother and mom had died and he had come home from the hospitable alive. I was crying in my dream and real life while I was sleeping and felt like someone had really died..... I feel responsible, I feel bad, like it was our last conversation.... Uhhg... Im not saying im psychic or anything but... I felt it coming, in my dreams..... I havn't thought about him in a week or so, he just came into my thought processes so randomly.... Why do I feel so bad about something I didn't...couldn't have even caused....  
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#2
Nov 30, 2010, 11:24 PM
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(((((Brennan)))))
Of course you would feel badly. It is a terrible thing for someone so young to die and leave behind family. It isn't your fault even if you did have a premonition. Bad things happen and life isn't fair. You cannot change what happened. If you are still friends with Jake you can tell him you are sorry for his loss and tell him you are there for him if he ever wants to talk. You don't need to have the answers if he wants to talk but just listen and let him talk if he wants to.
__________________
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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#3
Dec 01, 2010, 12:16 AM
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I feel like I don't have the right to mourn his loss. I feel so bad, I don't even know if Jake is going to school, he's around my age, and with my SU attempt and my SI I know where depression can lead and I desperately want to keep him away from it .... I don;t even know if he'd want to talk to me in the first place, we havn't talked in years....
I just feel so pathetic, worrying about my stupid problems then i just want to cry but i feel so stupid wanting to cry and pathetic for being so selfish and uhhg its so confusing, i don't even want to beleive he's not here, i don't want him to be dead, not for myself, but for his kids... I can't sleep, my mind is too confused, i feel incosolable. I feel lost
Last edited by findingmy_self95; Dec 01, 2010 at 12:31 AM. |
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#4
Dec 01, 2010, 06:34 PM
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My condolences on the loss of your neighbour, Brennan11007. No matter how you feel about your feelings, it's clear his passing affects you deeply. You are in mourning.
May you mourn well, and find comfort and insight. 
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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 findingmy_self95
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#5
Dec 02, 2010, 02:33 PM
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Thanks
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#6
Dec 02, 2010, 03:34 PM
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Brennan - someone's death, esp. one that u know, even faintly, can bring on the whole issue of death, and one immediately thinks of family members, esp. parents. I offer you empathy and heartfelt sharing of sorrow over this. I hope I can say this - I do believe that the spirit or essence of the person lives on. Just in another place. Your feelings seem normal, and a part of your working through your feelings on the issue of death. May you find comfort in your irl and PC friends. Heart - billieJ
__________________
FORGIVENESS Releases the poison from your system and sets you free  ~ From the Heart ~ billieJ
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| findingmy_self95
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#7
Dec 03, 2010, 01:25 AM
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I really appreciate it, its totally true and makes sense and I have become even moer concerned about my parents now.
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#8
Dec 03, 2010, 01:40 AM
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ahhh, its okay to reach out even if you are going through some troubling times of your own. I helped my good friend through many relationships (losses in his world), even when I was/am going through some deeply scarring times. If you help another, it may speed your own healing. ^_^ I felt the same way with the passing of one of my grandma's. I felt like I knew something was wrong, yet I kept it to myself. when the time came, I felt terrible. Its was the second grandmother that I lost, and with both I felt as if I could have prevented it. Sadly, there is no way that I could have prevented either deaths, no matter how I would have gone about it. I am very sorry for your loss, and I hope that you may find peace in life. You deserve the best, so give yourself the best. ^_^
Warm wishes, -Vicious |
| findingmy_self95
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