Please send positivity

I need to hear from people who have chronic depression that the good times come back and I won't be sunk in these depths forever. My mind knows that depression wanes, but my feelings are telling me that I am actually, truly worthless and that my situation is hopeless. I have a good doc and a good therapist and they are hanging in there with me. But when I get this sick hateful voices (I know they are not real) tell me terrible things, the latest being that my therapist wants to get rid of me because I am too needy. I know these are depressed hallucinations, but they are unnerving. On the one hand I want to ask my therapist for reassurance that this statement/thought is just a symptom of my illness. On the other, I am afraid that bringing her this problem will make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I am 51 years old and self-supporting (but usually in debt) in spite of chronic depression which has dogged me since early adulthood. I decided a long time ago I would not suicide, but I am spending a lot of time longing for death these days. I am so tired, and so battered by the words my unconscious sends to me-- "you suck," "you're a piece of sh__," "why don't you kill yourself you pathetic excuse?" "you're a blight on creation."

I'm hanging on until I come out the other side, but it is not easy.

Please send encouraging words.

Keep seeing your providers and know they have your best interest in mind. The feelings will pass and know truly what your mind tells you is not fact. They are just passing thoughts and nothing that needs to be paid attention to nor acted upon. They continue to come like leaves on a river and you can just watch them go down stream, never to see them again. If they come back, they still don't mean anything so try to distract yourself from them by doing something you might enjoy: getting out for a walk, reading, talking/e-mailing a friend, hot bath or shower to relax, cook a special meal, etc. whatever that might be for you that helps to distract you during this time and will be soothing for you. Taking care of oneself is especially important during these times, you deserve it! Hang in there in the meantime and know that there really is always hope. Sending good wishes your way meanwhile.

Hello, FaceInTheCrowd. Please consider printing your post for your treatment team. Are you taking any medications? If so, they may need to be adjusted or changed. If not, you might want to start.

Good luck.

Hi faceinthecrowd. I have chronic depression along with other mental illness that rear their ugly heards harder than ever at times. I completly understand the ups and downs. And I mean the true ups and downs of chronic depression. I myself believe the good times will never come back when I am at one of those down times as I am now too. I can speak from experience though and say the good times do come back. I know they do. I have my life to prove it. Your good times will come back too. Keep going to your treatment team and let them know just how you are feeling. Keep close to the ones who understand and know you will get through this. I know everyone says it, but it is true. Even if you don't believe it now, it is true.

Please PM if you need/want to. I am always here to listen and offer any support I can. Your cared for here by me atleast. Keep working to get up out of the down days. You can do this.