I woke up feeling very sad today.
You think you have people or a person who cares about you and then you realize that they don't care.
God forbid, if you should express your needs-you try to do it nicely-it goes unheard, you try to do it in-between-the-lines-they don't get it, so then, you try to do it with anger and they use it against you, twist it around and make you feel like a horrible person.
Why is it some people always get "heard" while others are ignored. I'm tired of being treated like an audience. I'm tired of being made to feel like I am only there to listen and nurture but never allowed to bleed.
When they bleed it's because they need to and because friends should listen to them-when I bleed it's "You're feeling sorry for yourself and how dare you?-Go take your meds, Dumbo!" (I'm not even on meds anymore but of course, they wouldn't know that!)
I'm feeling a lot of hate. I try to navigate myself above it and not let it get me down. Telling myself that it doesn't matter because they were never there for me in the first place, anyway. Most of the time, I'm successful with it and I go on with my life. I learn to live with it.
Then, I wake up, feeling like my heart is stuck in my belly and I get angry.
Is it too much to ask to be heard? Is it too much to ask for some face time in a conversation? Is it too much to ask for someone to nurture me for a change? Is it too much to have a friendship without them using my depression against me and cut me with it like a sword?
YES! Apparently, it is!
I'm not looking for answers-I know the answer- I have to stay the heck away from these kinds of people.
They SAY they care but then show no actions to back it up.

[dottie]

I'm sorry Jax. I get the same treatment. It's tuff to overcome..or avoid. I don't have answers for you. I wish I did.

~Dottie

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((jax)))))))))))))) i so understand. i get so angry with ppl for the same reasons as well. t made me evaluate my role in their lives. i did that. there were some things that i needed to change. boy, others didn't like that!

i do understand. i hope you have a good day.

kd

Thank you KimmyDawn and Dottie. I appreciate being heard somewhere. ((((((((((KimmyDawn&Dottie))))))))))))

[allthegirls6]

I know exactly how you are feeling. Sometimes Ive wondered if im talking a foreign language or if it is just too much trouble for people to try and take the time and understand.

It was good to read you post and Ive heard every word you have said

((((((((((((((((((((((jax))))))))))))))))))))))0000

all the girls

I hear you and I so understand!

Many hugs and please keep posting here!

Time0

Thank you Time0 and Allthegirls5. ((((((((((((Allthegirls5&Time0))))))))))))))))
It's a good thing we, at least, have this forum.

[Fuzzybear]

I really know how you feel ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrr (((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jax))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Fuzzy ((((((((((((Fuzzybear)))))))))))))))

[(JD)]

(((((hugs))))) and.. even many people DO care but have no clue how to show it. sigh.

[dexter]

Jax that was a huge problem for me when I was first hit with depression two years ago and it still is an issue with me now.

I had many very close friends and I thought I was the luckiest person in the world because of how close, honest and endering they all were. A long time ago I made a decision about my priorities in life and decided that people were the most important thing, as a result I have always been someone to respond to an emergency, at times I have been in fights with my employer over the amount of time I was spending helping friends in crisis but it was what was important to me. I always realized also that a lot of people are uncomfortable in crisis situations so I always made an effort to step up with hospital visits, uncomfortable conversations, etc when I could.

When I became ill none of it was reciprocated. I hardly ever hear from these same people, when I do it is all very "on the surface" like a "wish you were here" postcard without any acknowledgement of what is going on. Most often they just don't respond at all to any contact from me. When I am in contact with some of them, they reassure me that they love me and they care even though they don't ever speak to me "they are always thinking of me". What the F*** good is that to me? I am completely alone, without contact, but gee, at least I know they are thinking of me while they are ignoring me?

I have been isolating myself again these past few months and in the past weeks when things began to get very bad again I did force myself to make some contact to a bunch of friends but not only have I not had any results I haven't had even any confirmation that they received contact from them at all... I haven't heard from a single one of them.

I feel very alone and betrayed. I am sure there are people out there who would treat me better but I am in no condition to go searching for new friends in the state that I am in or have been in for the past two years. That's another catch 22... I don't think I'll be able to work on getting support until I don't need any support anymore. Not that that won't benefit me in the future of course, but for now it leaves a lot of feelings that are hard to deal with.

In fact I may send some more emails out today if I can get to a point where I can write without being angry.

As another very beloved member here would say: "GGGGRRRRRRRR!!!"

[dexter]

On the more rational side (ignoring my last post) remember that in some cases it may not be that they don't care, they just may be very uncomfortable with the situation, not know what to say, and so they avoid it. I find that is a lot in human nature, unfortunately, with any illness, moreso with something as little understood (and misunderstood) as depression.

That doesn't help our need for contact though or in thinking why SOMEONE can't break through that and just step up and do the right thing.

i understand. i really do. i've been so hurt by some people. i always went to the hosp, wrote cards, etc.

a close friend got breast cancer and i sent her a card every day..from the day i found out.and she was thrilled with those gestures. when i got hit with all of the worst of this.........i didn't hear a thing from her..and i won't. some are givers and some are takers.

[Overcastbutclearing]

I struggle so much with this Jax.
I am here for you if you want to PM me.
Maybe together we can figure out why we believe this as truth but not that people do truly care???
Want to give it a shot?

Thank you Sky, Dexter, Fayer and SJ!!! (((((((Sky, Dexter, Fayer and SJ)))))))))
I've read your comments and I'm really sad that this seems to be an epidemic of sorts.
Well, I take comfort in knowing I'm not alone in this. I'm glad we found each other here.
Sky and SJ-I understand what you're saying but I'm convinced otherwise.
Thanks for the offer of PMing you, SJ. I may take you up on that if the situation flares up again. (I make it sound like hemmoriods-LOL)
I really appreciate your input and I'm sorry everyone who's posted seems to be going through the same thing.
To heck with them!!!!!!!!!!
(((((((((((me))))))))))))))

[Overcastbutclearing]

Jax..it is like the hemmoroid of our lives...huh!

[JustBen]

So sorry to hear about that. Some people just take and take, they never give back.