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#1
Dec 17, 2010, 09:35 PM
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I hate to just sound like I'm just whining and complaining. However, it just feels like my life has gotten turned upside down. I don't know who I am anymore. Things that used to be so easy for me are now like running a marathon. I isolate myself. I don't eat much. It just seems like I am going to have everlasting sadness. I feel pretty worthless. I can intellectualize about how unrealistic some of my thoughts are. I've tried and tried to fight them with CBT. Sadly, meds haven't gotten my depression from a 2 to about a 4 with 1 being as down as possible and 10 just being filled with joy. My life is just passing me by. I got married and I was happier than ever. Then all kinds of things, beyond my wife's and my control, happened. I just feel defeated. I feel like I've been beaten down so many times by life. I just don't really care about anything anymore but my daughter. I feel guilty for being this way with a 3 year old daughter. The best way to describe how I feel is just really tired of life (but never suicidal). I don't feel like trying anymore. I wish my feelings would change when I do think more positive about things...
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#2
Dec 17, 2010, 09:42 PM
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It's hard being in depression's grip. My bout has been for years. You cannot control your depression, only your reaction to it. That's good you're practicing CBT, keep doing it even though you may think it's not working, it'll work its way in somehow. My advice would be to reach out, find local support groups to share your grief with, to heal with. Hope is hard to come by when we figure things won't change anyway. I have that feeling All the time. But, keep trying, for your little one. Hopefully this heavy fog will lift a little and you can work from there. Depression is a lot about backsliding...although we can learn from each episode. There are things you just can't prevent fully, and things you can prepare yourself for by doing therapy, CBT, and going to support groups. Hope you can feel better soon.
__________________
Cherry>>>Gash "What might it be like to simply draw on your knowledge and experience of how to be with people, and to invite yourself into the fold? To see yourself as simply another person. Another being in the world." |
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#3
Dec 18, 2010, 10:50 AM
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You sound so exhausted, overwhelmed and hopeless. I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Whenever I get like that, I usually end up in the hospital. Have you thought about giving meds another try? It can take a lot of trial and error to find the right meds or combination of meds. Took years in my case. It's worth the fight, your little one needs you. My kids are what keeps me going. I'm glad you got the CBT, but it sounds like that's not working for you anymore.
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#4
Dec 18, 2010, 02:52 PM
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Thinking of you.... ((((((((((((( Shadow ))))))))))))))
 
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#5
Dec 19, 2010, 01:13 AM
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Shadow, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Depression is a horrendous thing. I would just say to please be patient with yourself and don't expect more from yourself than possible. It's a process to feel even a little better that takes time. Remember you have kindred spirits here.
Z |
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