[Yesterdays]

I have absolutely no one who understands me. No one. My family is full of Christians, full of people who think that my life would be so much better with God in it. Everything is just a disaster now. I'm not a Christian, my family hates me. I'm not perfect, I can be annoying sometimes, my family hates me. I'm not stick thin, sometimes I eat too much, so they judge me. Everything is just a disaster. I have no desire to fight anymore... I'm so sick of everything. Everyone hates me. It was proven tonight.

I wish I could just be back in the hospital again, wish I could trade families or go live with a friend. I can't take this anymore. I need help.... I don't know what to do.....No one loves me, not even myself.

Why can't it just go away? I can't cope. I think I've hit rock bottom. I haven't felt like this in forever. Someone please... just be there. I can't take this anymore... I really can't.

[SophiaG]

I am listening and I read your words.

((((((((((((((((((Yesterdays)))))))))))))))

Btw I like Switchfoot too. *sings-to-herself* "we are one tonight, and we're screaming it out. We are one tonight....tonight....tonight."

[Yesterdays]

Thank you Sophia.

I don't know about this, but maybe someone can understand. At times like this I really just wish someone was sitting beside me, holding my hand and telling me everything is going to be okay. But there's never anyone there. It's when I miss when I believed in God so easily, because then it never felt like I was alone. But now I am... completely alone. There's no one to comfort me. How do you get through life when no one loves you? When you don't love yourself?

I need to talk to my T right now, but of course she's not here. I just need someone to talk to. But no one will listen.

[SophiaG]

It seems like God = Hope to you. When you lose hope, you lose God in your life. It's almost as if it's a symptom of depression in and of itself.

I guess...you get through it by learning to love yourself somehow. Anorexia...i often think it's a disease of wanting to be perfect. But you cant be perfect, even Christianity says no one is perfect because they were born into a sinful nature.

I'm sorry your family isn't more understanding.

[Yesterdays]

Thank you again.

Last night I just got so sick of everything. It's a constant problem. My family says the music I listen to is evil, that I have negative influences in my life. I don't understand. I'm a good person, I don't do drugs, I don't hang out with people who do bad things. Why does my family treat me like I'm such a disgrace?

[dysfunctioned]

I am so sorry that a family member cant br there for you. When we are in the depths of despair sometimes its here in this forum that we gain strength. I have turned to this myself for guidance and encouragement.

[wontgiveup]

Hi Yesterdays, I'm sorry that you feel this way, I'm not sure how to approach what I'm about to say, the last thing that I wish to do is upset you any further....but..... I was, not long ago right where you are today; mentally spiraling out of control in depression, Hating God (I thought If God loves me why put me through a life of such pain and suffering) I still experience minute bouts of depression today...however, it no longer has that grip on me as it once did...... The difference in my life today is that I'm building a relationship with God, the same God I once hated for many years,...the same God that I cursed out many times....this God, is who is saving my life today. I'm not sure how you family is presenting God to you , sometimes it can truly be a turn-off coming from people that act holier than though...but...you have to reach to him for yourself, believe me when I tell you it is the only sure way. I will be lying to you if I said that the process was easy..it is not.....I had to be one of the most rebellious persons that God had to/ and is still working on. but I'm sure glad that I found Him, and that He is continually opening my eyes to everyday blessings.. things that I once took for granted (my family, a roof over my head, food to eat, the ability to fight back) There are many people that would give anything for what i just mentioned....Everyone does not hate you...That is a lie the the devil wishes for you to believe, his ultimate goal is to get you to isolate, and the he can truly attempt his disgusting handiwork....I know what I'm telling you. I've been there. Go to you tube listen to Joyce Meyer, T.D. Jakes ...Paula White. Start there, fight the enemy and start the process to your healing. In those moments when you mind begins to race. know this..GOD IS THE ONLY SURE WAY!!!