[Yoshi]

I just need to rant, I've holded it in way to long.

When I was born, My dad's father died, same day, just 18 minutes after I was born. My father has never liked me, mostly for this reason. He always called me a curse when growing up, and every time I do something bad he brings this up. This is really deppresing for me, I actually started believing he was right. I got teased at school, my brother's where young and told everyone. I got called a weirdo, freak, curse, and the most hurtful of all a killer. It is hard dealing with this, and it hurts for those words to come out of his mouth. I just dont know what to say to him when he brings this up, what can I say besides your hurting me saying these things to me, and that it's not my fault? I have never knew why he died, and neather does my dad, but my dad believes it my fault. I just dont know what to do, or who to talk to, something this little really triggers me, blaming his father's death on me, he's pretty much saying I killed his father cause I was born.

[Mustkeepjob32]

I am so sorry you've gone through this for so long I am sorry that your father lost his father but it is inexcusable that he blame you for that! That blame has left indelible scars in you. He definitely needs therapy if he is not already getting it.
I don't know if you have a pdoc or T, but hopefully you do have someone because this obviously has eaten you up inside.
And no, you're not a curse. Thousands of people die everyday for a million different reasons. Death is a part of life.
Again I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Z

[Yoshi]

Thanks Mustkeepjob32
I agree, Death is a part of life, and it can be at the most unexpected moments of life, it's reality.
But why am I getting blamed, not only by my father but other people, he's even got my uncle believing it.
I just wish he would stop ! He has no idea what he's doing to me mentally. I know it's not my fault but when he drills these words in my head it's just like, maybe, maybe I am a curse. I just dont know what to believe.
The last time he brung it up, he said the most worst thing ever to me, well he said it in the most hurtful words "I can't believe your mother had you, she brung your dumbass in and took out a wonderful man, you should be ashamed that you where even born". It's hard to hear, even worse for me, but it's true.
And I do not have a Pdoc, or a T, my father would never allow that.
He knows me we'll, I am strong on the outside, but weak on the inside
And hell, My mother might have brung me into this world, be helped create me.

[Puffyprue]

Hi yoshi
i am sorry for what happened to you, i dont understand why your father did this to you coz obviously its nothing to do with you, maybe its just his time to died and at the same time you are born like other poster said death just part of your life and its nothing to do with you, just ignore and forgive them for their immature behaviour , ia m here if you need to talk
btw you're not cursed so never believe that
lots of love

[Gus1234U]

{{{{{ Yoshi~! }}}}} at some point we just have to let go of caring what someone has lied about all our lives~~ i hope you find your way free of this terrible, haunting refrain,, best wishes,, Gus

[ayana95]

I am sorry you had to deal with your father's blame. It is not your fault. You stay strong and don't take on the guilt.

[lonegael]

Yoshi, I wnder what he thought was so wrong with him that he had to find you to take his guilt for him. That nonsense about his father is just that. Did he think his dad would live forever? Did he think his dad would want to hear him talking like that? Does he stop to think that you are his father's grandson, and that there is no way in heck you coming could take your grandfather away? thousands of other people died that day, Yoshi. Hundreds of thousands were born. How on earth can he say that you took your grandfather's place, when it could have been Gregor from Yakuts born three minutes before your grandfather died, let us say if we accept that type of thinking.
people who say things like your father are trying to protect themselvesfrom something they feel is very damning about themselves. They feel worthless, theyfeel like they didn't do enough, so they have to find someone else to take that blame because they can't live with it. It's not you. You weren't meant to carry it. Put it down and leave it. Your grandfather's time had come, and he went to rest like we all will. Your dad has something else going wrong with him. HUGGGGGSSSS dear one.

[Yoshi]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I mean, My dad, he's not a horrible person, he does love me it's just when he gets mad or upset he takes it out on me, using the same line almost all the time. Why me? You love me, i'm your only daughter, but your calling me useless and wished I was never born?

Like yesterday, Yesterday he was such in a good mood. He knew I wanted a cat, took me to the APL shelter and got me one ! Then he took me out and we got food and went to the beach and stuff. But today, he's just in a horrible mood, yelling for no reason at all. I just don't get it. I understand he's upset about his father's death but I should'nt get blamed for it :/

[Mike_J]

NO you are not a curse

My father (back when he would talk to me) always told me how proud of me he was, but he acted like he was ashamed of me, and we all know actions speak louder than words.

He may have donated the sperm that brought you into this world but that doesn't make him your father.

I made the decision that it was better to not have a "father" and I'm better off this way, it's a hard choice but sometimes it's the right one. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, just letting you know you have choices, what you do with them is up to you.

Good luck

[hayward]

Yes, I so much agree with the above post.
I know it is not easy, but you need to try to separate what is being said to you by your Dad, from the reality of the truth that so many here have pointed out.
Your Dad may be a nice guy, but he has some serious issues and is taking them out on you. In my opinion , you should indeed tell him how he makes you feel. But you also need to separate yourself from this when he does this. You cannot solve his issues, and you also don't need to be his punching bag. I hope you will protect yourself from this.

I know from experience how this parental/child relationship can be complicated. I hope that you will try not to do what I did: for over 30 years I let my mother's inadequacies make me feel bad. Finally I am coming to to terms that it was not my fault; she was a bad mother. If I could choose my family, I certainly would never have picked her for a mother. But you CAN choose your friends, and you can choose not to let your father make you feel bad for things which of course are not your fault.
There is no way your grandfather would want that for you; you never knew each other, but do this for him as well as yourself.

[SlatkaMala]

Oh Yoshi, I am so saddened that you are living with this. Your father is crazy for blaming this on you. He is wrong for this and he completely irrational for blaming his father's death on you. It is unfair. There is no way for you to cause that just by being born. What a terrible thing to blame on a little baby like that. Your father has some kind of crazy thing in his head to do this to you. Do you still live with your parents?

[Yoshi]

SlatkaMala, Yes I still do live with my parents. I plan on moving out when i'm 20-21, cause I want to finish college first, and i'm begining to very bothered by my dad's random moods.

[ECHOES]

Your father, in his grief, connected two unrelated events.
People do all kinds of things when grieving, but carrying it on so long is absurd. I mean it is really silly, isn't it. The only thing those two separate events have in common is that they happened on the same day. Many other things happened on that day too, and all of these events are separate and unrelated.

Linking these two things is riduculous. The absurdity of it is laughable. What others believe, what they think, is only about them. Nothing more.

Don't let it in. Reject it as invalid and irrational which it is. It is so irrational that there is no trying to explain why someone could think it and could believe it at all, and especially for so long a time.

I can think, and say, and believe that the sky is green.... but it doesn't make it so.

[whenwillitend]

That is messed up! How can your father blame you for something you so obviously had nothing to do with? Don't fall for his lies! Don't let his guilt trip get to you. Your grandpa's death had nothing to do with you. You're not a curse, it was just unfortunate timing, timing you had nothing to do with. Nature decides when a baby is born, and when someone dies.

When your father brings it up again, just say "I don't need to listen to this" and walk away. It's understandable that all the name calling got to you. Be strong, you know it's all lies.

[lonegael]

How hard for you, to have someone who has so much to love can at the same time behave so badly to you. It is not an easy place to be Yoshi. HUGGGGSSSSS.

[Yoshi]

Thanks everyone.
I know it's all lies, and i'm not a curse, it's just, I'm sick of listening to him bring it up everytime he gets mad. Even though it's not true it still hurts me for him to say something so messed up like this. I just wish he would stop

Thanks Everyone